Snow and The Inconsolable Guilt Regarding Phytoplankton

a walk on the lighter side

Currently I buoy myself 

along with the sensation of feeling

really rather wretched

having had to awaken 

to the white sight of 

snow

You must understand 

a drab, dreary disdain 

blankets my every direction

A creeping, callous cold

found a way into my anatomy

without any form of exaggeration 

it chilled me right to freezing point

A freezing point I might add 

felt mostly in one place 

my tushie

yes

my bum

my butt

my bottom

my backside

my posterior

A most unpleasant sensation

to say the very least

“The Sun, The Sun 

I simply must chase the sun”

An all knowing thought 

screams it’s way into my already 

nastily nippy day

Hurrying to the window

I notice the sun and the clouds 

the pair 

currently knee deep 

in a rigorous skirmish

the sun shoots 

a warming ray 

The clouds swarm 

shrouding the ray

much like a 

bloom of algae 

covering my favorite pond

suffocating my family of fish 

extinguishing all hope 

Last summer 

I ladled and scooped 

(until my hearts content)

all of that organism type algae

ladled, scooped (weapons of mass destruction)

right up out of the water 

displacing 

every last minuscule call from it’s very own

reality of living 

Oh dear!

I believe I may have

murdered 

that algae

 

What right do I have to 

decide on the fate of

millions of microscopic

single celled phytoplankton?

Well of course 

much research post the murderous act of 

the poor algae family

I endured living with 

pent up guilt for months on end

so yes of course

I can still recall the name of these 

now dead algae named

Phytoplankton

Oh hang on -

my head is screaming again

“don’t look back in regret”

Quite true

one must never even dare to

look back and question 

for the past ceases to exist

it is the here, the now 

we must keep our focus

Moving right along 

to rid myself of the cold no less

the guilt will remain for a time indefinite

Gather up courage I must 

head for the shed 

a simple ladder my target 

Shouldn’t be too hard if I 

hot tail my little butt -

(which I might add 

is now being bitten 

exceedingly hard by the

the very thing I hold in the most

antipathy - the cold) 

- fast as I can muster 

through the waist deep snow

Argh! 

“Baby it’s cold outside” 

I half sing 

half scream

and another half I wail

sounding much like what I imagine 

a giraffe birthing twins would sound

No longer can I feel my face 

in this glacial torment!

I must not dilly dally 

don’t want my bits to fall off as

a result of frostbite

locating my bits again

may indeed be an impossibility 

in this deep white ice

and also 

however would I reattach?

The ladder -

there it is!

Drag the ladder outside I do

Best bet for now -

wait 

yes wait

for the swarm of clouds to

dissipate

no ladle, no scoop

cannot have any more 

MURDER

on my conscience

this lifetime

“Tra la la

Tra la lair

I have a cold bum

It ain’t really fair”

Sing whilst I wait

notice I do the birds fly far and wide

did my voice do that?

Hmmm - 

Eyes glued, stuck, cemented 

to the sky

a simple parting 

of the clouds 

my only request

There it is 

BAM!

Clouds lift

Sun shift 

Quick!

Literally shoving the ladder 

with my mightiest might

in the direction 

of the soon to be encapsulating

golden warmth 

I climb aboard the sunbeam

walk my way up to the sun

turn around and drop my pants

to warm my little bum

* You can go back and sing that last stanza right there if you like - gives a lovely effect 

Ahhhhh - 

warm tushie

life 

can once again 

return to normality 

There really is nothing 

quite like a warm bottom.

Reviews

[~]

Definitely on the lighter side :) Witty and made me chuckle. I do sympathize with your booty patootie :)

[KWP]

please dont' sympathise
a good rub may help :DDDDDD

[~]

surely my dear:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As_qWzBIjiQ

[KWP]

ok - but you did send the 'three men in a tub' .... hmmmm waiting :) Hahaha !!

[~]

bahahaha.. yup Fedex-ed them LOL

[KWP]

ahhh phew - I shall go run a bath then X

[~]

Don't forget to clean behind the ears :):)

[KWP]

don't forget to send the package Fedex Express - wouldn't want the water to get cold ...

[~]

you're a hoot!!! love it!

[KWP]

I do not work at HOOTER's if that's what you are implying ... No no no!

[~]

:) I was implying that you're gorgeous and funny :)

[KWP]

What you mean it wasn't all about the boobies ?? I know I was just messin' with Ya - serious is not one of my strong suits X

[Einstein Noodle]

i am definitely in sympathy with you ... here in the upper mid west the cold is loosing ground ... only a few of the deeper piles of dirty white still cleave to my winter weary heart .. but today it may reach into the 60 degree range ... yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahooooooooo .. i will think of your poor little bum darling .. perhaps you can feel the warmth too ;)
E.

[KWP]

Hey E ... Oh yes yes feel it suck it rub it right into your soul (the warmth that is) love to ya 😃

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ............

[Tom]

A philosophical poetic preachment on the nuances and debilitating effects of a cold tushie and truly amazing how the sun's warming rays has such a revitalizing, therapeutic effect on the said part of the anatomy !

Wonderfully informative reading indeed !!

[KWP]

Hey Tom and thanks for taking this walk with me - feeling much warmer now X

[Alfred Kukitz]

Every blessed word filled with abundant humor and the story itself way over the brim of divine humor!

I loved every moment of this poem! It's a zinger!

Regards,
Al

[KWP]

ahh why thank you - am glad you were able to make some sense of sense out of it :) sometimes my mind wanders here and there and up the hill you know just like Jack and Jill - but forget the pail of water I don't want to be carrying that down the hill and splashin' it all over my new dress !! S

[Neville]

What a delightful trip you have laid on for us all here KWP... I is also quite reassuring that there are others out there somewhere who think along the same lines as I do from time to time. You pulled this off perfectly, in my mind at least. N

[KWP]

Really you have cold bottom problems too ???

[Neville]

Certainly do ma'am, piles of em

[KWP]

Haha - indeed !

[Neville]

No, I told a fib, my butt is perfectly formed and remarkably unblemished for its age. N

[KWP]

Hahahahahhahahahaha shall have to take your word for it I cannot tell from your pic ...

read moreHahahahahhahahahaha shall have to take your word for it I cannot tell from your pic ...

Unblemished bot
That's what you say you got
I will have to take your word
Cos it's a rumour I aint heard

[Neville]

True, you will just have to take my word for it that I have an exceedingly rare derriere, not coz it's tight and firm but coz it glows in the dark, its purple and square....Oh' we could go on....

[wordman]

and we the people certainly appreciate your sacarfice to help man kind,and I am so sorry about your tush but it will dry out lol

[KWP]

hahahaha - why thank you wordman - the appreciation is all I shall ever need - I thank you XXX :))))

[wordman]

it was my pleasure

[....................]

After having to exist in temperatures below -10 degrees centigrade for several days, and having to incessantly shovel my drive and walk ways for weeks, it is nice to sit my bum upon this warm pillow and read this warm poem. It's as if I was sitting in your parlor, listening to you tell your story of almost freezing your a... butt off. Thanks for sharing!!

[KWP]

ironically I live in Sydney and have been walking my way into a sultry sweat each day - thanks for the read Mr FT XX

[....................]

Oh, so this was a 'mirage' of sorts, a cold dream bringing on guilt for murdering the algae :)
read moreOh, so this was a 'mirage' of sorts, a cold dream bringing on guilt for murdering the algae :)

You are welcome!

[KWP]

you are right of course I should perhaps balance it out with a desert linage xx

[....................]

:) I love it the way it is.... dead phytoplankton and all!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"a giraffe birthing twins" you crack me up...

ah that warm tush, even in the coldest hours.
odd coincidence to read this now....today was the first sort of spring day we have had this year.

i got up off my tush and took a drive.

[KWP]

I was actually thinking how I feel sorry for a newborn giraffe - the first taste of this reality is a fall to the earthy dirt :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

great poem, because it conjures up different themes...but i see what you are saying...

long drop!

[Sindu]

Such fun one! You seem to be crazed with so much groveling through cold companion! True plights, indeed. Frozen butt is a devastating thing to endure as much as frozen fingers.. Especially someone's else's taunting you when you're shivering in your shoes. Ghastly!
But in all of that crazy fun, you did include a bit of hope and remorse rolled into one. A silly decision to kill the algae and the act of letting the past stay where it should be and move forward towards the goal. Or your bits get fallen and butt frozen! Point noted!

[KWP]

hahaha thanks soul sister - glad you enjoyed XXX

[Jamestown]

This is such a fun piece to read, I was giggling through much of it, so thanks for that!
The write itself was great top to bottom and yes you're right to sing the suggested stanza
does give it a quite lovely effect, lmao:) Thanks for sharing your amazing poetry and b-blessed!

[KWP]

ahahaha thanks so much James - glad you enjoyed - the intention in just hoping for a smile is enough :)