In Surrender

just playing with thoughts of total surrender ...and just what it means ...

Silent eyes

filled with desert storm tears

sweeping restlessly

over arid cheeks

devoid of life 

listless surrender

in the shifting sands

formless form

weeps longingly

against 

abiding winds

a request to be 

once more alive

as a lusty gust

disperses

grains of 

nihility

granting

acquiescence

folded within 

the seams of the

drifting dunes

injection via

desolate moment 

after moment

conceding 

permissible vision

of the naught 

that encompasses 

the everywhen

hovering - - - 

yet - 

not beyond

desert whispers of

this life

Reviews

[Christopher Robin]

Nicely done, first half makes a brilliant cascade piece, the second half almost manages to become a tumult piece on the way out but not quite, for me this left me hanging a little and also realising that it's not an intended cascade piece (starts bigger longer syllables shrinks down to smaller but more effective words) which gives you a big problem with the cadence again. Reader needs to know when to pause and for how long and when to continue. It's beautiful language, but you want it to translate properly into the other person's brain. People may get swept away in this without truly reading it.

-Robin

[KWP]

Hmmmmm Ok ... I get it, I think.

I shall have to ponder this until it makes sense ... I get what you are saying, just awaiting translation.

Thanks CR :-) x x

[KWP]

Yes yes in fact they may get swept away ... And that's ok ... Well if in fact they have 'Surrendered' - hehe ... I get what you mean and I thank you for the in depth thought, it made my wake up so early worthwhile 😃

[R Smith]

a beautiful poem, if this is surrender i'll have some, i like the lazy almost sleepy feel of the words as they drift the piece across the page, it makes a good lullaby but it won't send me to sleep haha.....just back to the start to feel it again :)

[Angad Waraich]

Well done piece of poetry.
Thank you for sharing.

[KWP]

hey thanks for reading xx

[Angad Waraich]

You're most welcome.

[Tech]

Thought provoking and very concise, great job.

[Eve Ola]

a very captivating imaginary poem. Good job here

[Crystal Ellyson]

It is beautiful. The imagery is amazing!!! Love it!!!

[Crystal Ellyson]

It is beautiful. The imagery is amazing!!! Love it!!!

[Vidya Bacchus]

A truly moving poem as it were.Your lines are flawless and your images so vivid.A really great pen :)

[Frieda P]

Ahhh someone was swaying softly within the breezes and feeling their oats I see, something a bit different from your usual bright eye-d and bushy tailed pen Betty....

granting
acquiescence
folded within
the seams of the
drifting dunes

Love it and your closing lines, exquisite read. xo

[KWP]

how did you know I had oats for breakfast ?

[Frieda P]

How else does one climb Mt Everest?....

[KWP]

How did you know I am going to do the Everest trek in December ??? man you are gooood xx

[Frieda P]

Ha my side job is being a witch, or most would say it's my only job haha ;) xoxo

You are a brave soul, I'm in awe.............!