City Shame

'Loosing light in the city walls'

Three am in this godless city,
Movement is all too familiar,
eyes beckon to me.
I walk on,
City streets mockingly engaging me to stay
These streets are no longer my friends,
the city is a well disguised charlatan.
It's allure has been replaced by anguish
i sink deeper in self chastising shame.

Innocence is no longer in my ownership, goodbye.
What though has it been replaced with? Experience - bah!
It is within experience they say we grow stronger,
I am certain that in loving arms one can grow stronger too.

Where is my home now? 
Pitiful, dark, damp room, stagnant air,
Door heavily locked , please, no more intruders.
Sitting alone in my hutch,
Wondering to what depths I am able to fall.
Drifting within a unique form of my own consciousness,
in this soul invading city. 

What life is this that I have executed for myself?
Mistakes have been made, can I turn back,
is it possible for love to return.
Too many errors, pride blocks the way of an outward journey.
I am dirty, too dirty,
This foul stench will never be ridden!

Loathsome city, wretched city, trying to despoil my soul.
Lights that once seduced, now burn my essence with scorn,
Laughing and screaming at my ineptitude
to pull myself back from this transient state
within the city walls.

Let go the hold, release me,
This offering of bondage I never asked of.

Intention to turn one corner, two corners,
maybe three just to bathe in sunshine.
Alas - shame is such a strong burden
for one to feel themselves worthy of bathing in sunshine.

'Such a beautiful girl, ' my grandmother used to say.
The beauty eroded by the city,
into a sunken void of blackened infinity.

Strangers cannot look into my eyes now,
Scared to see themselves in their own reflection perhaps.
My own reflection located in the city's bilge,
murky and ridden with blood sucking insects.
People are cruel, this city even more so,
relentless in its beatings, laughing,
nursing away at my existence.

Dripping cold in my heart is this city,
it has strangled the life from my soul.
Once buoying my dreams,
now gripping each moment into a harsh eternity.
When moments are too enduring reflection creeps in,
What purpose is reflection,
if you feel you have no more aspiration to dream?

Shame, city shame, it may yet be the winner in this game.

Reviews

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

I never liked cities very much. They are claustrophobic for me in a certain way. Maybe it's interesting to dwell through them for a day or so and do some window shopping or go to a museum or an old church, but then I have to escape to the countryside where I live, where there's more oxygen in the air, where I can see the real color of the sky. Oldfashioned? Romantic? I don't know, just don't like big cities. I read some of this too in your poem. A sort of disgust... a lost dream. Thank you for sharing this poem, KWP. :) Rudi

[KWP]

I am with you Rudi - get me out into the wide expanse where rivers sparkle in the sunlight, birds dance among the trees, bears swim to catch a salmon, flowers accept kisses of bees ... mmmmmm X

[ANTO]

I liked the personification of the city - a breathing intimidating entity. The city has undergone a transformation but so has the narrator. They are growing further apart yet still inextricably linked by memories. The fearless youth hasn't time to dwell on the feral aspect of the city - it is still a playground to be explored - but age brings with it caution and the city hates cautionary types. They bring it down.
The modern city says "'Come into my bosom. Eat, drink and be merry. If perchance you get battered/stabbed to death well - tough s**t."

[KWP]

you see things as they are ... it is rare talent to posses ... although talent is not the word I am looking for ... (It's bloody early here - waiting for Tea to kick in) ummm anyway - thats what I get when I read your reviews ... Its like a holistic view on life - you seem to take all of the great expanse within you and proffer up only what is needed ... nice one you .. happy days X

[amskrinstal]

wow i like the whole flow, it real brings out how uncherishing the city is

[R Smith]

Its true cities have become dark and bad places, we can be dragged down into the darkness of our lowest life style, its such an unusual style of writing for you Elizabeth, it makes me wonder have you had some really bad experience recently in the city the depth of feeling here is that strong, or you could be relating the city to the world within your mind where you struggle to escape the darkness of the ego run world and rise up into the light of the soul and the oneness of God, either way a superb writing from the angel of Aus XXXXX

[KWP]

well truth be told boss this was written over a year and a half ago - and no nothing has happened - I am fortunately blessed with a happy positive strong live life disposition ... ooohhhh yeah ... when I wrote this I was just exploring other areas .... know what I mean? I was trying to get into the head of the girl who is lost and alone and feels like she has nobody in her life and that she was ashamed yet tought she was tough enough not to ask for help and not to return home ...thanks oh lovely one across the seas - love ya X

[R Smith]

always welcome Bossette X

[B]

Cities that once resembled home can turn to something quite bizarre
I truly believe the land carries the acts of it's people
So when enough evil is done in one space the atmosphere changes
it becomes darker and ugly
I love how you roam it and show us how things have very much changed ?
You seem to be quite the one with words
I can see everything you see
And that is amazing .....

[KWP]

thank you sunshine of my day - you have sparked upi my mornin' and onward I shall trod .. XX

[B]

I love your response
i done nothing
you are simply beautiful :)

[Ed Fagan]

I remember feeling such as these. I would venture to say most city dwellers who've struggled to retain their soul must have felt something close to this. The city does attract one's curiosities ... it's only when you've been hollowed out do you truly see what it was all really about. What a battle.

[KWP]

ahhh yes ... this was an interesting vision that transported me to bygone days .. lovely to meet you Ed xx

[Ed Fagan]

Thank you, It's very nice to meet you as well. :)

[Rene Salinas]

Oh this is great stuff for me. It is virtually impossible to pretend hermetism or in other wods to be sealed and compact and never be influenced by external factors. I lasted about Three months living in NY I loved it for about Five minutes and as I read this It brought me there and some of this memories are similar to the experiences I had. There is a pace called the Knitting Factory and while walking at night, pitiful, dark, damp room, stagnant air, the alienating sensation of semi - life continually in motion of inertia. Deading feeling of never present, not in charge. How is one suppose to feed oneself in this kind of environment? ity wins most of the time indeed KWP.

But every Dog or Dawg? Needs to have its day...

Great writing.

Thankyou

[KWP]

ha !!! thank you so much for reading sunshine and indeed when I reread it takes me back to a particular room on a particular street ... where I never ever did reside .. xx

[Ayushi]

"Loathsome city, wretched city, trying to despoil my soul.
Lights that once seduced, now burn my essence with scorn,
Laughing and screaming at my ineptitude
to pull myself back from this transient state
within the city walls. "
You bring different concerns and execute the so well.. :)

[A. Amos]

Where do you select such an intense topic and then give them life with your words, your poetry my friend is from different world! Bravo.........

[KWP]

Thanks again my friend ...ahhh you know how it is you sit down and write, from there it flows .... points for improvement would help ... :)

[A. Amos]

If i will find something which require some reconsideration, i will be brutally honest about it.
read moreIf i will find something which require some reconsideration, i will be brutally honest about it.
So far your writting is flawless