The Saving

In summary, this poem is a direct reflection of all of my past relationships and the exact reasons they don't work. I am starting a new chapter in my life and needed closure on my past ways.

I have tried, for many years,

To feel the warmth of love.

I've searched within, deep down inside,

And seeked help from above.

I have failed, and failed, and failed,

And tried, and tried, and tried.

To go ahead and state the obvious,

Man, I have cried.

It always seems so simple,

To give is to receive.

But, Jesus, it doesn't work like that,

All I've gotten is deceived.

It doesn't matter what I give,

Or what I think I see.

They're never what I really need,

Hell, I'm never really me.

I try my best, to be my best,

But what they never see,

Is the pained elegance I lock away.

Yes, I''m good. But I'm also ugly.

And that's okay, they are too.

But to me it's never bad.

I resent them for never taking, 

The chance they never had.

I help them if they're hurt,

And hide when I am.

Of course they won't help you,

If they don't understand.

My heart is an inferno,

It's also made of ice.

I hate this vicious cycle,

For it's my greatest vice.

I am my own worst enemy,

I will be my salvation. 

I must learn to simply be,

And stay away from temptation. 

After I have saved myself,

I'll be strong enough to see,

The only love I truly need,

Is the love I have for me.

And then that love will shine beyond,

My broken, beaten heart.

It will catch with someone else's,

And the saving can truly start.