Our secret garden

Relating to others is a feeling of having experienced the same 'thing'

A way inside the building deep

we went but once into that pit 

A-pleading were we to the guard

To see what he planted in it

We had some skilled bidders in tow

they kept pleading over his head

He ceded rights to  th' unseen show

And gave us leave to see the bed 

He let no one o'er there but us

He 'nlocked the gate but begged us hush

Don't touch what i had worked on he fussed

We gave our word and walked on thus

Some steep steps down 

The earth was brown 

As brown as rusty red can be

The hanging gardens of Babylon

This yard was not

As you will see

Only a few red glad's were spaced 

In that wild earth so grossly plowed

But t' us li'l souls this was a grace

Mem'ries we share with our peer crowd 

Now every time a person talks about a secret garden

This mem'ry helps me 

Get a clue on what he was regarding

Author's Note

What do you think of the last 3 verses ? Should I omit them?

Reviews

[ms. barrie]

This is a lovely write, i love the flow, the imagery of your words. Personally, I think that you should leave the last three verses because the add more of a personal touch. i also believe it ties into the ideas/concept you had/have for this writing, but that's just me. great write - thanks for reviewing "Midnight Magick" and "Winter's Woes". :)

[Circe]

no you shouldn't remove the last three stanzas... they reveal what is there.. and the experience of seeing.. I especially liked "but t' us li'l souls this was a grace mem'ries we share with our peer crowd"... maybe the last line can be reworked... but along the same lines of cognition, it's that instant of realisation.

[KSKhoury]

Leave me a review.. what did you think about the poem ?