Driving Me Crazy...Angry?

A Poem by K.S.78

Driving Me Crazy...Angry?
K.S. 2012

The next time I make love it won't be with you. I feel my legs give way when I think of a foreign hand. Squeezing me like a blood orange until I am red.

I don't know how to love such a strange act. I could pretend he is you, becoming a psychotic nympho and leave feeling used. That would be truer.

This isn't the end my dear friend.

Actually it is, this is reality. You and I will never hold each other like we did during the summer that smelled like lemons and glowed in neon hues.

I am going to be seduced by a stranger. I am going to sweat and stir in his bed. I am going to allow myself to be immersed in the vulgarity and loudness of it like disco balls pulse in a night club.

You liked silence. Always saying shhh be quiet. Not even the occasional yelp or tangled moan like you would hear in the movies. You just lay there upstairs waiting for the villain to kill you. You're always playing victim beautifully, tragically and easily even though you were never innocent. Like I was when we played doctor, remember you took a sample.

Back in the days of gray sheets, sunlight beaming in felt like newness. A kind spirited haze danced around me as you would play between my legs. Feeling so young it was such bliss. Do you remember saying how I was unworthy of your kiss?

Now I aggravate, rubbing against misplaced touches. I get wet at the feeling of him entering. Jarring yet endearing to know you wanted all of this for me. You always knew what was best. You said you would always be there for me. I was so naïve to trust.

Leaving you was hard like October or heroin somewhat forced. I hope you had fun like you did St. Patrick's Day, come to think of it never mind you were absent. Let me just get right to it.

I won't say goodbye. Because you lied. Just a big screw you, maybe I'll show you what he feels like someday. I hope you are happy like the nights I cried for you. Giving you the standard and sarcastic best wishes twisted with lots of venomous kisses. Until next time then. When I'm in his bed f*****g him hopefully I am doing the same to your head.

Love,

Your new protégé �" An apprentice heart full of lead

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