Fear

How do you view fear? This is how I view fear.

Fear is a universal emotion that most beings need to experience before reaching to a higher self.

My fear started when I was 15. When I realized I am different. As a teenager, who has just undergone puberty, I realized that I was attracted to the same sex. I was young and naive. I never discussed the fear within me. I just lived by it. I wasn't courageous to embrace who I am. I wasn't courageous to delve deeper into my feelings. At moments, I have considered committing suicide. I was glad I was sane enough not to kill myself. Mental won over heart.

Fear made me not the person with full potential. I lived in shadows. I was inferior. I care alot about what people are going to say. I care alot about how people will react. I care intensely about how my family will react. Fear make me hide my identity. Not being honest with myself. Not trusting myself. Not believing in myself. My unconscious mind has conditioned myself to live in shadow. 

Fear can cause misery to one's life because one choose to react in that particular manner. Never open up about how one's feeling is about, being a great pretender that everything is fine, not having anyone to share with. What a life!

Fear has never left me since. However, I discover another stronger emotion - courage. Courage to love myself for who I am. Courage to be myself. Courage to love others. Courage to stop inferiority. Courage to step out of my comfort zone. Courage comes as I grow, I read, I expose, I reflect, I improve, and when I become decisive of what I want in life. Courage comes with 2 possibilities. You either get what you want from your courage or you lost even if you have proven your courage. Even if you have lost, doesn't mean that you are a failure in your life. It means another lesson learned. It means you have give it all. Despite the outcomes might differ from what you have expected, you have give your all.

I learned that during the courageous moments, I can smell fear. Fear still resides within me, but I have learned how to use fear to make me grow stronger, rather than suppressing my own believes. Life events happen for reasons, I can't explain, I won't be able to comprehend at times, but time will tell.

I love myself and I will never allow fear to take advantage over myself. I will continuously improve myself, to be a better person, during tough time and happy moments. Life is a journey. There is no ending till my last breath on Earth.