Open Hands

Sat with my open hands together

on my lap - fingers curled and still

empty hands - holding empty plans

thought of you on this winter day

when being a mom is my toughest stand

I missed your guidance sorely

But why

I couldn't say.

 

There is a piece of me

forever lost - it needed you...

somewhere along the way

I try to get a handle on it

When the emptiness shows...

When the memories flow...

When was it lost,

I couldn't say.

 

Your drinking, the years of torment,

the crying, the pain, the promises...bent

I'm the good little girl picking up the slack

beyond her years, beyond her tears

looking for what all the trials meant

Discussions never held - no wisdom shared

Some lessons learned?

I couldn't say.

 

Missing parts of my youth given,

spent for more than me

to make their lives what could be

normal

if it could...be normal...

to set my spirit free...

Searching the lines on my hands...

I need some answers ...to what

I couldn't say.

 

Noticing changes as life goes on

I have a life somehow complete -

with kids that make my heart sing

Yours didn't - you missed so much mom...

Those joys this love can bring...

You never had an answer...

Just why......

I couldn't say.

 

 

 

 

But yet, I'll hold your memory close - it never fades away....

 

Kath 2/26/08

 

 

 

Reviews

[April Child]

Ooh now I was reading this as if it was about an ex-lover and then its your mum which makes it a much more poignant and powerful piece. Mother daughter relationships are such a precarious thing. My mother was a complete enigma to me... no lack of love there but some very strange and unexplained occurrences. I know she did the best she could but there is still so much I do not understand.... That's what I'm getting from your poem here.

But yet, I'll hold your memory close - it never fades away....

Exactly!

[Jacqueline]

You poured so much of yourself into this moving piece...just reading this gave me chills and made me tear a bit, then smile. Losing someone so close who is meant to guide you through life and be there when you have children of your own is tragic. Becoming the sweet, intelligent and warm woman that you are is testament that your mom is looking down in approval.

You are a strong woman, Kath! And your heart is tremendous.

[SM Davis]

Kath, this has me speechless. can't get into details here but you've nailed this to the wall and cemented it. Perfect!

[SweetPeachesAlways]

I'm the good little girl picking up the slack
beyond her years, beyond her tears

What a beautiful tribute, albeit poignant and melancholy. Great job!

[justjenn_2u]

You were wise beyond your years which is so bittersweet. Alcohol robs the soul and bludgens the mind. Such brevity in this poem.

[Randy Mckenica -writers..]

We both had our losses, Kath, and you express your feelings as poignantly as anyone who knows the ambivalence of emotions the continues after the loss of a parent. (and i thought i hadn't reviewed ya, so i better start- or I won't get invited over anymore for Moonlight) :)

[Ken Simm.]

I can pick out the sad reminicence in this. I find the whole piece very moving because of that. Full of longing and a wish for a bygone peace.

[MrJodie]

This is excellent, Kath. The progression of time, present, past, present and beyond. It's awesome the way that you present yourself both mom and child, comparing yourself to your own children, in a way, and then using that comparison to speak to your own mother, almost as an admonishment. Powerful imagery with your hands, too. Gah! It's gnawing at me as I write this, too! Powerful stuff. Keep writing from your heart.