Sometimes I wonder why I wonder

Some time i wonder 

I get lost and thought and ponder

for days and longer

no loss, no hunger

I take this drug and overdose 

the drug of thought, im lost in comatose 

Who am i, why i am broken

but whole living in hatred of the world as a whole

lost in a hole, im falling through society 

silently, i want you to hear me

so ill speak briskly 

the words will burst from with in me

I dare you to comprehend me

understand the gravity 

of the black hole within me

absorbing everything enviously 

soaking sponging longing for knowing 

the existance of a bright light glowing 

instead of drowning in the reality 

that i call my life and you claim society 

Its killing me.

Will you read my death note

as i slip away silently unknown to most 

even my beloved betrothed knows not that she lives with a ghost

a hollow piece of who i used to be,

the smoke from my lungs billowing, softly whispering

secrets from the hole in my lungs instead of speaking 

 Sometimes i wonder my lover if we are actually meant for each other

Do you know im undercover, This is my disease baby,

Im addicted to love but cant feel it frequently 

this bi polar reality depression fuels my insanity 

while my high will defy my vanity 

Sometimes i wonder 

will you ever know 

what i could never show

the darkness lurking below the surface 

misty murky wistfully dreaming 

thoughts teeming, i cant control my weeping 

Im dreaming, i wake in restraints 

in a place white as snow and steel weights

pinning me, WAKE ME

stop dreaming im dying 

Abandon by the country i dedicated my life to

How is my pain not see through 

how does it not get to you

but you dont get it do you,

Do you ever wonder like i do

The point of life this breath 

the rise and fall of my chest

how you do your best

and always land on your face

your running but running in place 

never to attain the fruits of your pursuit 

Its the truth and youll never see

you mean nothing to me but i dont feel that way purposely 

cant you see there is somthing wrong with me

reaching as im falling 

calling

SAVE ME

im breaking waking from another fitful daydream turned night mare 

you left me

I love only what i shouldnt and now i know 

why you wonder

because youll never know,

why sometimes i wonder