There She Sat

A student sits in class and notices a girl who appears to be hiding a secret. Does anyone else notice... does anyone else care?

There she sat, hunched over her notebook, scribbling over the thinned lined pages with a black pen. The ink from the pages smudged heavily on her hands, changing her pale palms into an ink blot test. I glance at her. Only the aisle separates us and yet, she seemed as though she was on a different world, as if this realm has nothing to offer her. I notice her face is covered with more make-up then any girl in class. The color of her face was two shades darker than the rest of her body. It should have been a sign that she wore no lipstick, no eyeliner, and no mascara with her heavily concealed face.

 

My eyes shifted to her notebook. Most assume she writes what is on the board, but with a quick glance at the ink filled pages it is easy to tell her mind is elsewhere. I can tell she is hurting, just by the way she strikes the paper with her pen. Every time her pen touches paper they meet with a violent force, and neither comes out unscathed. The paper is punctured during the conflict and the pen bleeds.

 

She finishes the battle on one page and then flips to the next blank sheet prepared to begin a new skirmish on a clean field. She grabbed a hold of the edge of her sweater’s sleeves and lifted her arms above her head for a quick stretch then placed them back on her desk. Her right hand grasped her writing blade and left hand held her head over her notebook. With her left hand holding her head her forearm was upright. Her oversized sweater shirt sleeve betrayed her and fell to her elbow. I caught a glimpse of what appeared to be purple marks that formed the rough outline of a

hand.

 

Panicked, I dart my eyes to my work and try to not pay attention as she quickly pulls down the sleeve to the wrist and places her left hand on the desk. I force my eyes to my language arts book.

 

“Am I the only one who notices? I can’t be. I can’t be the only who knows… the only one that cares.” I lift my eyes hoping her attention is back to her notebook. I saw her is staring back at me, staring at me with her large brown eyes.  Her eyes were surrounded with dark circles, the color of them lightened with the color of her foundation. She and I were locked in each other gaze for a minute, both of us had a slight look of terror behind our eyes. She broke the tension by dropping her stare then she opened her notebook and tore out a fresh sheet. She grabs a blue pen and writes something down. She then folds it quickly and hands it to me. I grab it and she turns back to her work. I open the note.

 

Do not tell

 

I hold the note. “Do not tell” the note said written in shady blue ink. I wondered who it could have been; her mother, maybe her father. I tried to think if I had seen her outside of class with any boys. Maybe he did it. How could anyone stand to hurt someone, especially this hushed girl? How could someone find the excuse to let the thought of harming her cross their mind? How could that act on those horrid thoughts? How could she stand for it, let this person harm her and not go for help? The bell rang interrupting my train of thought. She girl immediately slammed her notebook shut and almost sprinted out of the door, avoiding my eyes bearing on her back. I slowly packed up my desk praying she would be in school tomorrow.   

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems, please. However, I appreciate comments on the piece as a whole. Suggestions that could make the piece better. Tips and tricks for better grammar. Finally, do you actually want to read more of this particular story. (aka should there be a "second" chapter)

Thank you for your time!

Reviews

[MelissaAndres]

Krissi, Very good! There are a few minor, minor proofreading-type errors but nothing major and nothing that really distracts from your storyline. You did really well with delving into your character's emotions and minds and your description of the girl writing on her paper was excellent. I love how you described that portion of your story as being in a battle and the pen bleeding. You have set up a second chapter quite nicely and I would be interested in reading more. You can do a lot with background on the girl, who is doing these things to her and what will become of her. Nice job!

[Krissi]

Thank you very much and I happy that you would be interested in a part II of this writing. I am actually working on something right now. That particular description (the "battle scene") is one of my favorite things I have written. I feel like it makes this piece. Free feel to read and review any of my other work.

[MelissaAndres]

You are very welcome, Krissi and I will read more of your work for sure!

[Robert Parlange]

It's a good opening for something longer. You have a narrative talent and the actions and descriptions drew me into the story.

Fiction is about emotion and empathy. You certainly showed this in the narration.

You have a gift. Keep writing.

[Krissi]

Thank you for your encouragement!