Fight, Flight, Or

The word and I cannot coexist

I try to say it

I try to say it when it's late and I'm alone

When the only person who can hear me

Is me

But

It sticks in my throat

Turns my mouth to ash

Chokes me until tears stream

And the word is lost in my brain

So

I try to think it

I try to think it when the words fail

When I think that maybe I can recognize it then it can't hurt me

Therapy

But

The noise is turned up 

On top of the word

Drowning it out

Stopping all thoughts dead in their tracks

Until my mind is just static

Until the emotions are safely tucked away from my wandering head

From wandering hands

So

I try to white the word

I try to write it when I hope my body will take over

But

My fingers freeze over the r

And never get anywhere else

Time stops

And the only thing that matters is making sure I'm still breathing

Because just an r

Makes my chest clench

Makes my breath hitch

Makes my eyes well

Makes my brain burst

Makes it all stop

Make it all stop

Make it all stop

Stop

Stop

R

Please

Please

Wrong

Wrong

R

Please

Please 

Stop.

Fight

Flight

Or

And I froze

R

And the letters that come after that

Is all I can manage 

Author's Note

As always, please leave your thoughts, comments, or critiques!

Love <3