Therapy at 3

In my head, I cry and scream and slap the s**t out of you. But I make sure not to make a sound

The woman I pay to talk about my feelings with

Tells me to put the emotions in a box in the back corners of my brain

And let them slowly wither away

And after another twenty minutes of going in circles over whether that

Feels

Like the right thing

I say

"Yeah, I'll try"

But that's a lie

Because once the sun sets

And I'm tucked in bed

My thoughts sneak up to the attic in my mind

Where the box is precariously perched

And open it up

The dust that hadn't settled explodes in my face

And I feel everything all over again

I sadly suffer and revel in the pain of those memories

The pool of nothingness I was wading in before is now consumed by tsunamis of feelings

In my head

I cry and scream and slap the s**t out of you

And I cry a lot more

And scream some more

And I cry again

But I make sure not to make a sound

God forbid someone heard me

Because then I would have to explain the incredibly drawn out story of our short relationship

If you can even call it that

If I can even call you an ex

As if you were ever mine in the first place

God forbid someone heard how pathetic I feel

God forbid I have to recount how I fell desperately for you

And how all of your pretty lies landed us in my bed

Just like you wanted

God forbid I have to say we haven't spoken in months

And you probably don't even think about me

Probably don't care

Probably don't even feel sorry for the irrevocable damage you have done

And yet one picture sends me spiraling back to the night it all went to s**t

And I broke completely

And then I hate myself

And cry on the outside

Because I still silently wish that it was me you chose

...

...

...

I still wish you would choose me

I shouldn't have opened that box

I shouldn't have loved you

But at least I have something to talk about next week

Author's Note

As always, please leave your thoughts, comments, or critiques!

Love <3

Reviews

[SilentTree]

You are amazing, from the bottom of my heart i could feel for you. I could resonate and feel like you were me. I have never had an ex but your words drew me in and while writing to you i still have a pit in my stomace.

[Hope]

Thank you so so much! That means so much to me