Chapter 33

I can’t really explain the relief I felt when Rylan and I were still together one month later. Waking up next to him in the morning was the greatest feeling in the world. I knew inside of me right then that everything was where it was supposed to be. The world was again realigned and everything was so wonderfully perfect.

                As if god was spiting me, it wouldn’t last. A knock rang over my ears, a sunken feeling came to my stomach, and I knew exactly who it was�"Jo. She leaves today, along with Justin. So they decided to come over for lunch with Rylan and me. I had completely forgotten.

                Rylan sighed loudly next to me, “Let’s just leave it.” He whispered into my ear. His arms were wrapped around my torso tightly not wanting to let me go. His nose was pressed behind my ear and his warm breath grazed my neck.

                “It’s Jo,” there was a hint of disappointment in my voice. I didn’t actually want to get up from this perfect world, for once I had everything and I didn’t want to lose Jo or Justin now. “I need to do this.” I whispered to myself more than to Rylan. I think he understood because his arms unraveled from around me. I slid off the bed and called out to the door, “Come in.”

                Rylan stood up and pulled on some pants and walked out of the room shirtless. I heard Jo squeal and chuckle a little. I pulled on a pair of pants and slipped on one of Rylan’s white Tee’s. They were too big, but I didn’t care. I loved the way he smelled and when I had his shirt on it still felt as though his arms were still wrapped tightly around me.

                My feet dragged along the soft wooden ground as I grudgingly went into the main room. Justin was leaning against the counter in the kitchen chatting away with Rylan. Jo looked straight at me and I could see that leaving me was going to be hard for her also. She jumped into my arms and I wrapped them tightly around her thin frame. I never actually thought that this day would come. It was hard for me to choke back the tears that were tearing at my throat. Even though our future wasn’t together our past was and that was hard to let go.

                Rylan watched me carefully out of the corner of his eye, and then Justin came and joined in our hug. His large arms engulfed both of us carefully. “I’m going to miss you so much Collin.” He squeezed the three of us together as best he could.

                I would miss him too. I could have seen us having a future together. He was always there for me. We sat down together and ate. The whole time Rylan kept his hand on my knee trying to give me support. It wasn’t easy for me to say good bye to so many good memories. I hated this.

“This semester I have so many ridiculous classes. I have like Biology, Philosophy, History, Math, and English.” Jo whined to all of us as we sat around the table eating lunch.

                “I took all easy classes. I have about four athletic classes and then like English, something like that, I don’t really know. I think I’m going to be spending a lot of time with Pen anyways when I’m not playing. So I don’t really need to be doing any of that.” Justin popped a fresh grape into his mouth and cheesily smiled to all of us. Rylan laughed and looked over at me.

                “Summer won’t be the same.” I said to Jo through my sandwich. Jo smiled sadly to me.

                “I know. It’ll be really weird not seeing the same people over and over.” She played with a grape on her plate.

                Justin laughed with food in his mouth, “What’re you talking about? The only person you hang out with who won’t be there is Collin.”

                “Thanks Justin, way to make me feel better.”

                Jo smiled in encouragement, “I’m sure that Rylan has a lot of different things planned for you.”

                All eyes went to him. He just looked straight into my eyes, “It’ll be fine.” Was all he said and I knew that it was true�"It would be fine. Although, it would suck before actually being fine. “I actually have big plans, something like taking over the world.”

                My eyes shot open, no one else really understood, they just laughed. Taking over the world? Was he being serious or kidding? I didn’t actually know. I searched in his eyes for the answers, but still I couldn’t tell. “Well there�"you’ll soon forget us.” Jo chimed happily. She seemed content with the arrangement.

                “I’ll never forget you.” I hissed under my breath so that she knew I was quite serious.

                She smiled and reached across the table for my hand, I gave it to her. “Collin, I can never forget you. I love you so much you’re my number one man, even before Ryder. That won’t ever change between us. I promise.”

                The love that Jo and I shared can’t even be described. It’s so unconditional. It’s more than brother and sister, more than mother and son. I don’t even know exactly what it is but we are connected on every level possible and I’ve never felt that with anyone before. I was sad to know that it was all slowly fading away. Life goes on and people change.

My eyes shot to Rylan. His grey eyes fell over my face and looked at every curve, memorizing it, reading my reaction and taking it all in to store it in his mind forever. So that he would never forget me, not in a million years. He’s so different than Phoenix so�"grown up. He knows what he wants, and what he wants is me. That on simple fact sends so much happiness through me. Being with him this past month has been so amazing. Waking up with him every morning is so magical and life changing. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone for the rest of my life.

                I realized that my mind had gone away from the situation at hand. Jo and Justin stood in front of the door and the four of us waited to say our goodbyes.  Justin wrapped his arms around me first, and Jo went to Rylan. Justin spoke into my ear, “don’t you worry Collin, you’ll find out what you want to do and you’ll succeed at that amazingly. This is not the last time I’ll see you. I promise. I love you.”

                “I love you too, Justin, good luck with Pen. I hope to get an announcement soon.” His smile saddened, but returned fully.

                “Don’t worry about it. You’ll be the first to know.”

                I saw that Jo was being hugged by Rylan still, “You swear you’ll take care of him.” She cried into his shoulder.

                “I swear on my life that I won’t let anything happen to him�"ever.” He pulled her away and kissed her forehead, “I promise.”

He turned her to me. She wiped her eyes before walking to me. It was long enough that I could hear Rylan and Justin’s conversation they didn’t think I was listening to. Rylan spoke to Justin first, “You did well, thank you.”

                Justin smiled sheepishly to Rylan, “No thank you. Without your help I wouldn’t have known. I’m glad that I do now. I’m sorry that I couldn’t have been more of a help.”

                Rylan nodded and patted his shoulder, “You were all that he needed. Now go get your true happiness, and I’ll be contacting you in a short while.” They embraced each other and then Jo stepped into my view.

                “Collin,” she hummed my name perfectly. I thought back to a year ago. The way I loved how her hair fell perfectly over her shoulders, and how angelic and beautiful she is. None of that really changed. She was still the most beautiful woman in my life, inside and out. Those bright blue eyes lit up perfectly in the bright room, “I love you so much.” She sobbed, but tried not to.

                I took her shaking body into my arms, and to my surprise there were no tears coming from my eyes. I had found my peace, my ability to let her go. It wasn’t easy thinking about it, but now I knew that this was all for the better. She was going off to become her own beautiful strong woman. To fall in love as much as she could, and I, I was going to not only find the rest of me, but find a whole new part. A part of me that wasn’t selfish. A part that was giving and so full of happiness. All I wanted now was to hold Rylan in my arms and to forever call him mine, which I knew he already was. I turned my head to face him and saw that his eyes were on me too. He wanted the same things in life that I wanted. It was then I knew I had done it. I had found the one person ready for me.

                “I love you, Jo. Go find yourself and fall in love.”

                She stepped out of my arms and her bloodshot eyes looked up at me, “You’re my best friend and that won’t ever change. Don’t you dare forget that.”

                “I could never.”

                That was the truth, and with that, they were gone. The two people who stayed with me through the hardest parts of my life were now gone, finding themselves. When I looked forward to this moment I only saw me all alone with my best friends leaving me in the dust. I realized in the actual moment that they knew I wasn’t alone. They saw the love Rylan and I shared.  They knew that I would never be alone again and I would be taken care of, but so would he. This relationship was so much more than I could’ve asked for. Instead of focusing on one person’s faults, we just focused on the good things between us. Equally, and that’s something that everyone needs.

                He slowly walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He pulled me tight into his body and lowered his face to mine. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and we kissed. My hair wound in his curls and I broke our kiss so that I could just hold him. That’s all I wanted to do was hold him�"for now and forever.