Chapter 32

Graduation night eventually rolled around. I dressed that night of graduation alone. Rylan had some things to do at the Hospital. He was never lying about working there. He actually is a brain surgeon, which actually was quite amazing.

For the event I wore just a nice black suit with a silver tie and white shirt. I slid over my suit the ugly black gown that I was being forced to wear. I placed on top of my head the flat cap and I connected the red and silver tassel to the top of the flat board.

                I looked at myself carefully in the mirror. I reflected on the past year internally. I didn’t actually think I’d ever make it. My parents never showed to me how much they wanted me to graduate, but I had done it. A million things were stopping me and just one thing was keeping me going. Rylan had pushed me to this point and I was glad that he had. It helped me to really get back out into society and to realize that there are more important things in life than Phoenix Oreson. Now that school was actually ending I felt actually kind of sad. I had known most of these people my whole life and suddenly they would be gone. Suddenly I would be gone. I wouldn’t be the Collin Hanks that they knew. I would be Shiloh Hanks. The new and improved Superhero.

Jo picked me up and Rylan would take me home after the ceremony. Jo was so excited she could barely contain it. She happily chattered away next to me. She was telling me about all the party’s that would be going on after graduation. She was chatting about her life that would follow after this day. She was talking about the future. The more she talked the more I realized that I wasn’t part of that future. But it was alright because she wasn’t in my future either.

 When we finally got to the school we sat in our spots and waited for the ceremony to start. All the words that were spoken on top of the stage went in and out of my ears. I was just waiting for the point where we could throw our caps and greet everyone who came for us. I was just waiting for this all to be over. After what seemed days, the words were finally said, “Congratulations Graduates.” Thrill ran through me as I took my cap and threw it straight up into the air. It got lost in a sea of black hats above us. Whoever was sitting next to me wrapped their arms around me and squeezed me tight. I didn’t care I hugged them back and we rejoiced in the finalization of our high school days. This year had been the worst and best of my life, but it had finally come to an end. This was it.

The crowd flooded the floor where we were and I looked all around for someone who knew me. I searched every face but could see no one amongst the sea of people. Maybe no one had come, or maybe Rylan had gotten stuck at the hospital. Defeat began to seep through me, and then a soft hand touched my shoulder. I spun around to look straight into the face of my father. “Dad,” I asked? His arms spread open. I wrapped my arms around his thin body, “What’re you doing here?”

                He pulled away and grabbed my shoulders, “It’s my son’s graduation do you think I’d actually miss it?” I looked at him seriously. He knew he wasn’t planning on coming. “That guy you’re living with, Rylan. He called me up and paid for me to come out here. He didn’t want me to miss it.”

                Butterflies rose up in my stomach and red flooded my cheeks. I couldn’t believe that Rylan would actually do that. “Well son, I’m proud of you, you’ve done your best. Your mother would be proud of you.”

                Again I wrapped my arms around him, “Thank you dad.”

                He pulled us apart and the moment was over. I wasn’t even expecting him to be there so I wasn’t sad that he was leaving. “I have a flight to catch.” He turned around and started walking away. His body stopped and he spun on his heels and took a few steps back to me. “Hold on to that Rylan man, I like him.” His lips kissed my forehead and he walked out of the room. I took a deep breath of relief. This had turned into a great day. I had hoped that my dad would’ve stayed for awhile, but knowing him he wouldn’t. I was just glad he came.

                A slight group of tears swelled in my eyes but they were stopped when I saw that perfect face. Rylan stood behind a group of people. When they split I saw him perfectly. He wore a dark grey suit with a black tie and silver shirt. His eyes were full of pride as he waited for me. Slowly I walked over to him and stood a foot back from him. His hand went to the side of my face and he followed with a kiss on my cheek. His arms wrapped around my shoulders and he pulled me tight into his body.“I am so proud of you, Shiloh.” He whispered slowly into my ear, “Very proud.”

 

***

 

                Graduation night seemed to be amazing. After the all night party with all the seniors at about seven in the morning seniors I went home. Rylan was asleep on the couch, more than likely waiting for me. I stroked my hand across his curly mane. His grey eyes shot open and looked up straight at me. “Good morning.” I said quietly. He curled his feet up into his chest and I sat next to him giving me a space to sit on the couch.

                 “How was it?” he asked and rubbed his tired swollen eyes.

                “It was wonderful!” I was ridiculously ecstatic, “I had so much fun.”

 He sat up and his arm spread across the back of the white couch, “I’m glad you had fun.” He said and looked at me. I think he was expecting me to say something but instead I planted my face straight into his. Our lips pushed together but it was nothing like a few months ago. This time he pulled away, flipped over the edge of the couch, and stood on the floor. My body shook. What just happened?

                “I’m sorry.” I said, “I thought.”

                “You thought wrong.” He snapped at me. My lungs gasped in air. Did this really just happen? I stood up not knowing exactly what to say. Rylan just watched me with a scowl of suprise on his face.

                So what? He can kiss me whenever he wants but the second I try to kiss him he freaks out and hates me? I turned and walked off to my room. It didn’t help that I was sleep deprived. I broke down. I knew I’d be able to get over it, but it still hurt. I curled myself into a fetal ball and stared at the wall. My mind searched for happy thoughts that would make me feel better. As images appeared in front of me and feelings bubbled in my chest I found my solution. Flying always seemed to calm me when I was upset. I stood up and put one of my jackets on. I opened my sliding glass door and stepped onto the deck.

                “Shiloh,” Rylan spoke quietly behind me, I didn’t turn.

                “What do you want, Rylan.”

                He sighed and I heard him sit on my bed, “You don’t understand.”

                “What’s not to understand? You don’t want me.” I turned and stomped back into the room “There’s not much else for me to understand.”

                “You can’t see all that I see.”

                I laughed at something that wasn’t funny at all. “Then tell me Rylan. Tell me what I seem to be missing. You and Phoenix just love to know everything and not tell anyone. Maybe you two should be together.”

                “Sit down.” He snapped and pointed to the bed then he stood up. I didn’t sit I was tired of following orders. Rylan looked at me and knew I wasn’t going to be sitting anytime soon. I cocked my hip and folded my arms across my chest. My eyebrows rose as I waited for him to explain.    

                He paced in front of the bed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “I don’t want to hurt you.” I just continued to glare at him as he became serious. “Me being with you will hurt you.”              

                “How so?” I snapped rudely to him.

                He looked up at me with pleading eyes, “Please sit.”

This time I did, now that he wanted me to instead of ordering me. I sat on the edge of the bed and looked up at him. I saw that his body was shaking all over. “You are my oxygen that I need to be breathing all the time. When I don’t have you it’s like I’m drowning or suffocating. Every minute you think about Phoenix I lose a few more breathes of air.”

                That was unexpected. I pursed my lips together and scrunched my eyebrows. He crossed his arms in front of him and I could’ve sworn I saw tears swell up over the bottom of his eyes, but he wiped his eyes too fast for me to notice. “Not being with you is me trying to protect you. It’s not near as easy for me as it is for you. I’ve seen all that we will become if we are together. I know the love and wonderful times we will have�".”

                “So why won’t you let it happen? What do you think will happen if we don’t get together? I’ll be lonely and unhappy for the rest of my life and so will you, especially you. So why not be happy for a long while and deal with the future when it comes? You shouldn’t be looking there anyways. We live now, not then.”

                He looked at me and something seemed to go off in his brain, “You’re right.”

                “Of course I’m right. I’m always right, but no one ever thinks to ask me.” I snorted impatiently and crossed my legs.

                He kneeled in front of me and I jumped back a little and uncrossed my legs. His eyes closed and his hand ran up my calves and stopped on my knees. He leaned closer in and rested his head in my lap. I leaned back not knowing exactly what to do. His arms came and wrapped up around my waist, “I’m sorry.” He said quietly.      

                I caved in. My hands went to the back of his head and my hands tangled into his head of curls. He sighed into my thighs and pushed himself up off the ground. He pushed me back onto the bed and wrapped his arms around my torso. He wanted nothing more than to just hold me, and that’s what I loved. Everything was so simple, nothing was ever forced, and everything was so clean and natural. He nuzzled his nose into the base of my neck and rested his head on my chest. “Before this goes any further you have to promise me one thing.”

                “What’s that?” I asked quite contently on his chest.

                He took a deep breath and spoke softly. “When it’s my time to go you have to let me.”

                I chuckled. “I’m not keeping that.”

                Rylan pushed me up off of his chest and stared me straight in the face. “Promise me Shiloh or we,” his hand motioned between us, “don’t happen.”

                He was being completely serious. I had a decision to make. I could not promise. But what was I risking? To never have him would almost be unbearable. We don’t know when we’ll go. How could he know? There was no way he was going to die young. He lived such a healthy life style, plus, he could heal himself. This situation was a win win for me. I put my hand up to the square, for comedic effect, and whispered. “I promise you Rylan that when it’s your time, I will let you go.”

                My head lowered onto his chest and I was out before I knew it. The sleep deprivation had finally taken control.