Chapter 32

The family is starting to fall apart.

The empty chair stared at me, mocking. “You’re all alone.” They chimed. “All alone,” I repeated back. I stared at the music sitting on the stand in front of me. It was for symphony practice. Everyone had left and gone home. David still wasn’t healthy enough to come to practice so he waited at home. I took a step back and sat in the conductor’s chair. It spun easily as I kicked my feet against the ground. I watched as the walls filled with color flicked past my eyes. I couldn’t face going home. There was too much sadness. Ever since Shiloh left it hadn’t been the same. Rylan searched for any trace of him constantly. He never ate he never slept. He was always just looking.

Madeline like usual couldn’t face it. She stayed mainly with Atticus. I couldn’t blame her. The only reason she was still here was Atticus. America wasn’t anything like she had planned. Now her family was falling apart at the seams. When she was home she wouldn’t make eye contact with anyone. No one could.

David hardly spoke. The stress of losing a parent was taking a toll on his post op status. He seemed to keep getting sick. Rylan would heal him and move on. Life was just going through the motions and if you could make it another day then good for you. I felt a shallow pain rupture in my stomach. Everything was just becoming a little too unbearable.

I kicked my feet against the floor one more time. It sent me spinning faster than any other time before. I stopped when an extra color appeared on the wall. I turned my self around to see Abigail standing in the mouth of the doorway. She gripped a maroon envelope in her hands. “Abigail,” I said as cheerfully as I could. 

A bright smile spread across her face. Each time I saw her face it gave me a little hope. At least something in this world was still beautiful and bright. She stepped in closer to me. “Enjoying, yourself?” she pointed to the chair and gave me a light laugh. I held onto the laugh and kept it for a time I would most need it. My mouth didn’t open and no words escaped between my teeth. I just watched as she got closer and closer to me. I tried to look as happy as I possibly could. I knew it was working because the smile stayed on her face.

I stood up when she stopped in front of me. “I don’t know if you’ve seen this?”

“What is it?” she was referring to the envelope in her hand.

She smiled up at me once more, “I figured as much. I don’t know if you know much about the hotel your father was killed in?” I shook my head in an answer. She smiled knowing she could inform me of something from my past. “It’s where my grandfather lost control. It was my Aunt Jo’s parent’s hotel. After the fight the hotel was closed down. Over the past few years they’ve been restoring it. It’s now a hero history hotel. They’ve completely rebuilt the inside to look like the night the attacks happened. It’s also a hotel still. It has themed rooms and everything.”

I nodded and looked down at her bright face. I took a deep breath of her lovely lilac sent and also placed that back in memory for a later time.  “They’re having a big opening next Saturday. All the heroes there are invited, including your family.”

I huffed and finally I let go. “What family?”

Abigail’s face twisted and she searched deep in my eyes. “The one you live with?”

“There’s no family there anymore.” I sat back down in the chair and once again started spinning.

She stopped me by placing both hands on the handles. “Zander, what are you talking about?”

Rylan told us not to tell anyone. He would figure out some way to make this better. He would find Shiloh and convince him to come back. I knew that would never happen. He wasn’t himself anymore. “Shiloh’s gone.”

Abigail froze, “As in…?

Again I took a deep breath filling my lungs. “He left us, Abigail. One night he decided we weren’t the life he wanted and he left.”

She didn’t know what to say. I didn’t expect for her to have anything to say at all. Slowly her hand placed on top of mine. I pulled it away. I was tired of being the pity boyfriend that she always needed to comfort. I wasn’t Shiloh. I had control of my emotions and I knew what I could stand. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. I wasn’t sure which she was sorry for touching me or for Shiloh. I stood up and walked to the stand holding all my music. One by one I started putting the sheets into my folder. My mind wandered as I did this unimportant task. Where had Shiloh gone? Never in a million years would I expect that he’d be the one to leave. Rylan was always on the top of my list for that.

When all the papers were in the folder I placed them in my back pack. I grabbed the car keys off of my backpack and looked at Abigail. She had sympathy running through her eyes. “Don’t look at me like that Abigail, I’m strong I can get through this.”

“Zander,” she whispered slightly.

“Abigail, I’m fine.”

She let out a loud breath, “no you aren’t. I know you Zander although you might think differently. I can tell when something’s not right. Sometimes it’s okay to cry.”

“I’m not going to cry.” I never cry that was something I never found myself doing.

“Zander,” she said one more time.

I sighed, “What Abigail.” I snapped loudly at her.

She flinched back and took a minute to regain composure. “You’re always welcome in my home, no matter what. I’m here for you.”

She walked over to me and rubbed the side of my arm. “You saved my life, it’s the least I could do.” Again, months ago I would’ve passed out from her touch. Now it seemed like nothing happened inside. Had I fallen out of love with her? Or perhaps because of lack of encouragement I just gave up hope. Either way I didn’t want to lose her also.

My hand grazed the top of hers on my elbow and I pulled it into mine. Her fingers laced with mine as if our hands had been sculpted to fit together. I wonder if this is how my parents felt when they met. What changed? Everything I did turned back to them. I’m 18 years old I shouldn’t have to be dealing with things like this. Maybe it’s okay to cry, but only sometimes.

A small tear left the corner of my eye and ran down my cheek. Abigail caught it before it slipped past my chin. Her hands softly wrapped around my waist. Her tiny head nuzzled in the center of my chest. My arms held out away from us, not knowing what to do. I’d never felt emotion like this before. Finally everything was just too much for me. No one should ever have to deal with anything like this. I was seeing now why Rylan didn’t want to tell me about who I was. Now I was regretting ever knowing. This life isn’t easy and by the looks of it, it never would be.

Abigail pulled tighter into me until finally I gave in and put my hands on her back. Even if she wasn’t ‘with’ me it was nice to have a friend. A friend that was outside of the situation, she was what I was waiting for a savior.

 

 

The house was silent and empty when I walked in. The pain returned to my stomach as I walked in. Dishes piled up in the kitchen sink. Garbage bags sat around. Dirt had started to appear all over the dark floors.  This wasn’t something I was about to live in.

I walked into the kitchen and started the water in the sink to wash the dishes. I saw a light coming from up the stairs to my parent’s bedroom. I shut off the running water and walked up the stairs. When I reached the top I looked through the banister to see Rylan making his bed. He had cleaned his room from the last time I’d seen it. “Hey dad,”

He spun around and looked at me. “Did you just get home? It’s late isn’t it?”

I walked up the last few flights of stairs. “Dad, I can’t do this anymore.” His face dropped and he sunk onto his bed. “We can’t go on pretending this didn’t happen, because it did. It’s making David sick, Madeline practically doesn’t live here anymore, and it’s obvious you and I are falling apart.

“I told you I would figure this out,” his head was sinking into his chest.

I walked over to him, “I know, but at what cost?”

“I can figure this out, I know it.”

There was no way I was going to get through to him. “Dad, I’m going to stay with the Oreson’s for awhile. I’m taking David with me.”

His head snapped up and he looked deep into my soul with his grey eyes. “Will that help you?”

My head slightly nodded, “I can’t be here anymore.”

Rylan took a deep breath and stood up. His hand went to the sides of my face. “Zander, you’re stronger than I am. Take David and try and find some sense in this.”

I placed my hands on top of his and stroked his soft skin. “I’ll call as much as I can, you know.”

“I’m not worried about that Zander. You need time to understand. At this point the only advice I can give you is to do what you need to in order to survive.” My eyes shut as I tried to hold back emotions. I felt as if I was leaving him also.

“You can come too. You need to get out of the house, Dad.”

His head shook. “I need to be here in case he decides to come back.” That was true. If he came back to see nothing he would leave again. I slid my face out from underneath his hands and started walking away.  When I looked ahead to my future I never saw how close I’d get to Rylan. Leaving him was probably the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. “Zander,” I spun around and Rylan was next to me in seconds. His arms wrapped around my shoulders and his lips pressed into my forehead. “I will be fine don’t you worry. Now go make sure that you will be.”

 

I woke up David and we both drove over to the Oresons. It was late by the time we packed and drove over there. A cool wind blew at our faces and we pulled our bags from the trunk. We walked up to the large wooden doors. I looked at David who was gawking at the wood panels in front of us. My knuckles rapped lightly against the soft doors. We both hear d footsteps walking toward the door. As they swung open we saw most of the lights in the house open.

Standing in front of us was an older man. He had on a cardigan and tan pants. Grey hair was receding to the back of his head. A bright smile spread across his face. “How may I help you boys?”

I cleared my throat, “Is Phoenix here?”

The man looked at us with a happy demeanor. “Of course come with me.” We stepped into the very large house. The door opened up into a large main room. I looked around at all the beautiful architecture and art along the walls. I could tell that David was looking at the same thing.  “You can put your bags here if you’d like.” We both sat our things in the corner of the main entrance. “He’s right this way follow me.” We both tried to keep up with the fast paced man. Our eyes fell over the different furniture that was spread throughout the room. We looked towards the back of the house to see the kitchen gleaming with new appliances and beautiful dark wood cupboards.

The man, who I was guessing was a butler, led us to a wall that had two dark sliding doors. He grabbed the handles and pulled them open. Inside the room was a den with a large flat screen TV looking into the center of the room. Within I could see Phoenix sitting on the couch. Justin was lying next to him with his head in the center of Phoenix’s lap. They were watching a movie together. Phoenix stroked the side of Justin’s face. I looked away from their love. It was too painful to watch. “Mr. Oreson you have some visitors.”

Justin sat up and looked to the back of the room. Phoenix followed his gaze until it reached me, “Zander?” He and Justin both stood up and started walking over to us. “Is something wrong?” Together they walked up to us. They looked over our sad beaten down faces.

I took a deep breath and nodded. “Shiloh left us.”

Both of their eyes got huge. Just like everyone else, they didn’t believe it. Phoenix’s hands went to my shoulders. “He left? He just up and left?”

I nodded after his question. “He’s been gone for a couple weeks.”

“And no one thought to tell us?” Justin chimed in behind Phoenix.

Phoenix’s face became sympathetic as he tried to read my emotions. “Justin, don’t. This isn’t about you right now.”

Justin nodded and moved behind him. “We can’t stay there anymore. Rylan has us waiting day by day pretending nothing is wrong. He hopes that either he’ll find him or Shiloh will come back. But he’s not coming back. I know he’s not. He wasn’t the same when he left. He didn’t even say good bye. If anything he would’ve said good bye before leaving.”

“This doesn’t sound like Shiloh at all.” Phoenix said quietly.

Phoenix’s thumbs ran across my shoulders. “I told Abigail, and she said we could stay here.”

“Of course you can. Where’s your sister?”

David chimed in, “She’s with Atticus. That’s probably better for her.”

Phoenix nodded and looked over both of our faces. “How’s Rylan doing?”

I huffed, “He’s completely lost it. He may not admit it but I know that he’s given up hope too.”

Phoenix nodded, “who wouldn’t?” He slid his hands from my shoulders. “You both look exhausted.” His eyes mainly stayed on David when he said that. “You look sick David.”

“I am.”

A sigh left both Justin and Phoenix at the same time. Their silver eyes looked over each other carefully as they tried to figure out what to do. “Here is what we’ll do. Tomorrow, neither of you are going to school. You need your rest. Tomorrow we’ll figure this out, but for now you need to sleep.”

 I nodded I did need to sleep. Every night I dreamt of Shiloh off somewhere leaving me, tossing and turning all night. Phoenix led us up the stairs. David walked solemnly behind me. We got to the hall with rooms on either side. “David you can sleep in here and Zander you’ll be in my old room.”

“We can stay together if you’d like.” I said quietly.

Phoenix turned around and smiled, “Sometimes you need alone time Zander.”

David smiled and hit my arm. He would only be across the hall from me. Justin walked in after David and they closed the door. I followed Phoenix a few door down until he opened the door on his right. I walked in to see red and silver walls all around the room. A large bed sat in the center of the room. My bags dropped to the ground next to me and I carefully walked into the bedroom. Exhaustion was catching up to me quicker and quicker as the night went on.

“Thank you Phoenix. I would’ve understood if you didn’t want to help us.”

He walked up behind me and helped me slide my jacket off. “Zander, I owe you my life for saving Abigail. What’s between your parents and us is between us. I would never take that out on you. In fact you are nothing like them.”

“People tell me that I remind them of Shiloh.”

Phoenix laughed, “Not at all. You would never leave.”

“Shiloh wouldn’t have either.” I laid down on the bed and my eyes began to close slowly. Phoenix kneeled down next to the bed.

“You’re right Zander, that’s why we’ll fix this in the morning. Sleep for now, you’re safe here.” His hand stroked the top of my head and his lips pressed against my forehead. I was asleep before he was out of the room.