Chapter 24

A Chapter by Katie Wan

I didn’t dream of anything. I hardly knew what was going on. I opened my eyes to see sun shining in from the window. I awoke to immense pain in my torso. “Phoenix.” I whispered hoping that somehow there would be an answer from his soft voice.

                “Collin.” Jo spoke softly. My head pounded in pain. I turned over to see Jo standing above me. My body shook and I was freezing. Ryder sat in a chair asleep at the end of the bed.

                “Jo, where’s Phoenix?”

                Her face softened and she tucked the blankets tighter around my neck. “He’s gone sweetie.” Pain erupted through me again and tears formed in my eyes. I didn’t want to hear those words. “Don’t worry, we’re here now.”

                “It’s not the same.” Ryder’s eyes shot open and he looked at the situation.

I kicked the blankets off around me and stood up. Ryder caught me as I fell, weakly, to the ground. I was the weakest I’d ever been. He held my body close to his, “Maybe you should lie down.” He said to me almost telling me what to do.

                “Go to Hell Ryder.” I put my feet on the floor and walked out of my room. I went straight down the stairs to the kitchen. There was only one thing I was looking for, something that would dull the pain if not forever, then at least for the moment. It seemed to always work for my parents�"so why not for me?

                The liquor cabinet opened easily, it was used to being put to use. I grabbed the first bottle that caught my eye. It was a full bottle of Whiskey. I pulled the top off and the glass spout went to my lips. As the alcohol painfully slid down my throat the ache in my torso began to dull a little. I chugged as much as I could before Ryder grabbed the bottle out of my hands. “Get in bed Collin.” He snapped at me.

                “Get out of my house.” I hissed back at him. I put the nastiest glare I could on my face. Jo stood behind Ryder and was shocked at how I was acting. “I realize you want to help me, but there are only two things that will�"Phoenix or alcohol.” I grabbed the bottle out of Ryder’s hands. “Get out of my house, I’ve said it twice now, don’t make me say it again.” Both of their eyes went sympathetic and my heart reached out to them, usually I would want them to stay to help me through this, but this one I had to deal with�"on my own.

                “We’ll come back.” Jo said

                “Do what you like. I don’t care.” I chugged away at the whiskey again, as they stepped out of my house. When they were gone I pulled a few more bottles out of the cabinet, a little rum, and a little Vodka. I drank myself into nothing. I sunk into my bed and watched the roof above me spin around in circles. Tears fell slowly out of the corner of my eyes as if I was a leaky spout and the pain never fully went away. I rubbed away at my stomach hoping that somehow that would help, but it never did. My body shook from all the alcohol, shock, and pain.

                I’d never felt so alone in my life. Everything that I had built up around me began to fall apart. I rolled over onto my side and curled into a ball, trying to ease the protruding pain coming from my torso. Sobs filled my lungs as I gasped for air. A loud ringing came from downstairs, I didn’t want to get the phone but something inside of me told me to go get it.

                I staggered down the stairs, running into the wall a couple times. I grabbed the receiver on the last ring. “Hello?” I slurred through the mouth piece.

                “Is this the Hanks residence?” A young woman asked over the phone in a very business tone.

                I sniffed away some sobs, “Yeah, This is Collin Hanks.”

                “Collin, My name is Teisha. I’m calling from the Miami medical center. Your mother has been in an accident.”

                The world shifted, “What?” I gasped. “Is she alright?” I leaned up against the wall and tried to catch my breath but it didn’t seem to help.

                “She’s in surgery right now. We’d like it if you would come down and fill out some paperwork for her.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I slurred through my numbed lips. I pounded the receiver back into the wall and I ran. The rain was still pouring down from yesterday, but I didn’t care. I ran through alleys and back ways running into walls and falling into full gutters. I was soaking wet by the time I got to the medical center.

I ran to the front desk, spraying water over papers spread in front of the young teenagers running the reception area. The blonde girl in front of me looked up at me in disgust, “Can I help you?” She hissed.

                “My name is Collin hanks. My mother, Meredith Hanks, is in surgery, and I was called here.” My voice was frantic and my hand was pounding on the desk.

                She typed away on the little laptop sitting in front of her. “You’ll need to go up to the third floor in ICU. Someone should be able to help you there.”

                Before she finished the sentence I pushed away from the counter and ran for the elevators. After I pressed the button I realized it was taking too long, so I busted through the stairs door and ran up them two by two. When I reached the third floor I ran to the other desk. An older lady sat next to a woman in about her thirties.

“My name is Collin hanks.”

                The woman in her thirties looked up at me, “is it raining outside? “

                I gasped, was she really asking me this? My mom was in surgery and she wanted to know how the weather was. “Where’s my mom?”

                “Hanks, Hanks, Hanks.” She repeated over and over. “She’s in surgery you can wait in the waiting room “Fill these out for us please.” She handed me a clipboard with some white papers on it. With shaky legs I walked over to the plain waiting room. The walls were a dark pink almost burgundy. The carpet was tan and very old. You could see the stains around the chairs where people put their feet.

                I sat in one of the tan folding chairs and filled out the paper. It was all about insurance and how we were planning to pay the hospital when my mother was released. I knew I wasn’t making any sense on the paper, considering my inebriated state, so I put it down next to me. My hands cupped up around the back of my head and I tried to calm myself down.

Where was Jerry? Why wasn’t he here? I asked myself. If he thought he was so close to my mom I figured he would be here. I leaned back and tried to focus again on the ceiling, it spun and I fell over to my side. I passed out. Images ran through my mind. Everyone I’d ever come in contact with were staring at me. I was standing all alone in this giant circle of people. A single light was shining on me. When all of a sudden from the back of the crowd I heard Phoenix. “Collin! Collin!” He screamed. Everyone got tighter and they wouldn’t let him through. I pushed at the people, just staring at me and I screamed for him. “Collin, Collin!” He screamed.

                A soft warm hand touched my shoulder. “Collin, Collin.” The man said. I opened my eyes to see a doctor standing over me. “Collin, son, are you alright?” He asked.

I sat up realizing, remembering, where I was. The young doctor had dark brown hair with a hint of grey running through the sides. His smile was weak and the hint of age hung under his eyes. I pulled my hands through my hair knowing I looked completely horrible. The sun had stopped shining through the windows. How long was I out?

The man sat next to me and sighed. I watched him carefully. “My name is Dr. Weber. I was the surgeon who worked on your mother.” I didn’t speak, I just watched him. I watched the way his mouth twitched and how spit caught in the corners of his lips. “She was involved in a really bad accident, her car swerved off the freeway and rolled half a dozen times across the median before being hit by an eighteen wheeler.” My lungs pushed out the last bit of air I still had circulating through them. “I did all I could, but the damage was just too much.”

The world shifted and I gripped the chair next to me. Blood left every part of my body and immediately went to the pain burning through my stomach. I stood up and hoped that would return the blood to the rest of me. What was this? Some type of soap opera. My life was never this complicated or dramatic before. Why was everything falling apart now? Dr. Weber continued to talk but I didn’t listen. I was panicking, breathing in any air that I possibly could. My feet walked around in circles pacing the nasty carpet below me. I caught out of the corner of my eye nurses leaving with bloody gauze and equipment from an operation room. In a quick spur-of-the-moment decision, I bolted down the hall towards the room. Nurses screamed as I crashed through the doors.

Lying on the table was what was left of my mother. She wasn’t much more than bloody bones. Fire had burnt most of her arms and legs up. Her torso had been cut open and was filled with gauze and operation equipment. Somehow her face had hardly been hit, there was nothing more than a few cuts on her face. I pushed through nurses and doctors trying to hold me back. The Adrenaline was doing something to me. I could push through all these people without working hard at all. I ran to her and took her face into my hands one last time. Her blue eyes were glossed over but looked straight up into me.

My hands shook around her face. I pulled her eye lids shut, and she looked peaceful. Carefully I pulled her up into my chest and bawled. “Mom I’m sorry, Mom I love you, Mom don’t you leave me too.” I cried harder, “Don’t you leave me too.” Hands grabbed at me and I wrapped my arms around my mom harder. “Please, just let me stay here, please.” I begged but failed. “Please.” I again said and the nurses and doctors pulled me off. “Mom,” I screamed “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

They pulled me out to the hall and hands left my side. I took off running again down the hall to the stairs. People didn’t care, they already had my information. They’d find me again. Plus I’m sure by now they’ve gotten a hold of my father or Jerry. I practically fell down the stairs bawling and sobbing until I finally collapsed somewhere between the 2^nd and 1^st floor. My body curled into the fetal position in the corner. I cried as I felt like vomiting. I leaned my head against the wall letting the pain rupture through me. With every breath fire rose inside of me, burning the tissue of my throat.

Somehow I got the strength to again stand up, so I ran, I ran as fast as I could into the street. The rain still poured down, even during the night. Blood from my mother ran off my face and from my shirt. My feet pounded sending waves of water up around my ankles. The water soaked up through my shoes and to my socks. Tears sprawled across my cheeks and my head pounded from pain.

I reached the porch of my complex. I leaned over in the corner and threw up everything I had drunk throughout the day. My sleeve ran over my mouth and I wiped away the residue built up on my lips. I stepped up my stairs and opened the door. The lightning struck behind me and I saw Jerry sitting on the couch. “You B*****d, you killed her.” His voice cracked. I just looked at him in awe. My stomach still turned uncomfortably and the room still spun. “She was out looking for you.”

“What are you talking about?” I cried as I slammed the door behind me. “I’ve been here all day.”

He sniffed. Tears were also rolling down his cheeks from his eyes. “Where were you the three days before that?” He snapped.

“I was here.”

He stood up, “The day Phoenix left you didn’t come home. Your mother left to go find you, I helped her a few times, but never once did we hear from you. So, yesterday she went out and I guess she fell asleep at the wheel, she was so worried she didn’t sleep.” Jerry’s eyes glared down at me and he hissed between his teeth, “You killed her.”

My heart stopped. Where the hell was I for three days? My mom was dead because of me? Did I really do it? The room shifted and I panicked. I had just killed my mother, I’m a murderer. I fell to my knees and grabbed at my stomach. “What the hell is your problem?” Jerry stood up and walked up to me. He kicked me across the head. Blood spouted from my nose and a tooth came loose in the back of my mouth. I coughed up some more blood before he kicked me another time in the stomach. I didn’t care�"I deserved this. My side burned as I fell onto it. Jerry’s foot kept pounding into me repeatedly each blow getting harder and more accurate.

Anger rose inside my chest. I wasn’t mad at Jerry. I was madder at�"at myself. “You son of a b***h, I loved her, I loved her.” He kept yelling over and over to me as if somehow that would bring her back.

I kept yelling back as best I could through bruised lungs, “Me too!” His boots got heavier against my stomach, I was sure I had already broken a few ribs. His boots connected with my face a few times. Finally the anger in me bubbled over and exploded inside of my chest. But this wasn’t me. I wanted to lie on the floor and take everything that Jerry was prepared to give me. Something took complete control over me, and I had an out of body experience. I sat there watching myself from the corner of the room.

I jumped off of the floor, blood pouring from my face and torso. My hands grabbed Jerry by the throat. Fear ran through him, and I noticed something�"my silver eyes were illuminated.

This had to be a dream, I knew it. I would wake up any minute and laugh this whole situation off. My hands held Jerry up inches from the floor. Spit bubbled out of his mouth as he gasped for air. The memory of him choking me came through my mind. His face turned a bright scarlet and his chest pounded for air. He clawed at my wrists and tried to scream. My hand tightened around his throat. Finally I yelled at myself “No, Put him down.”

I turned slowly and looked at myself, then slowly with an evil smile Jerry was put down but I didn’t let go of his throat instead I turned from me and put all my attention onto Jerry. With a c**k back I slammed Jerry’s head through the stair case. Air raced from my lungs and I swirled away into blackness.

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