Chapter 19

The water still dripped from my wet hair as I sat in Phoenix’s car. I had opened the window so the air could slightly dry me off. Phoenix kept both hands on the wheel as we drove to the richer side of the school boundaries. I didn’t even bother to ask where we were going, I just waited. Streetlights became fewer and far between as we got into the more suburban areas of Miami. Palm trees flicked passed us while Phoenix drove slowly through the neighborhoods. I rested my chin on the window and let the wind blow over my face. I took a deep breath of the sea water. I loved being near the ocean. The smell was always plastered inside my nostrils�"it smelt like home.

I curled my arms under my chin and leaned my face further out of the window. Cars were driving next to us quickly as they drove to their homes. Convertibles seemed to be the main choice for this area of town. I could hear the ocean nearby with its waves crashing back and forth. Oh, the beautiful rhythm of this earth.

My eyelids shut over my tired eyes and I listened to the wind whip in my ears. Loudly it crumbled making everything almost muted. All I could hear was the wind. Phoenix stopped at a stop sign which stopped the noise in my ears. I lifted my head from the window and looked at him. His eyes took on a very serious look. The silver circles were focused on the road ahead of him. There were no cars at the four-way stop. Usually someone would go when no one was at the corners but Phoenix just sat there. He was trying to play this all out in his head�"I could see that.

His neck muscles twitched and he looked at me. The moon hit the left side of his face accentuating every smooth bump and curve. Nervousness took over his face. Just as I was about to speak Phoenix took his foot off the break and started pulling forward. He started to round a curve when I saw a huge pile of cars outside of one house. This had to be where we were going.

In the backyard I could see a strange glow�"a fire. Phoenix pulled up behind one of the cars and shut his own off. He sat for a minute and took a deep breath. Finally he nodded at me and got out of the car. I pulled on the handle and started to pull my foot out, “Hey!” Phoenix yelled and I slipped my foot back in and shut the door.

This time I waited for Phoenix to come around and open the door. His pale hand held out to me and helped me out of the car. He wrapped his fingers around mine as he locked the doors to his expensive car. The keys slid nicely into his pocket and we started walking forward.

“Where are we?” I finally asked him as he slowly started leading me to the busy house.

“This is my coach’s house. After every game we meet at someone’s house and have a little team party. It’s so they don’t go out and drink like most other football teams do.” I smiled and shoved my wet shoulder into his. People would probably be more curious as to why we were wet than anything else.

“Usually my mom and sisters make a big dinner and we go eat at my house.” Phoenix smiled and I could see his bright white teeth perfectly under the moonlight. Phoenix squeezed his hand tighter around mine and then he unlaced our fingers. The giant wooden door stood in front of us. Phoenix rang the doorbell and I listened to it chime.

Surprising I wasn’t nervous about what was going to happen. Usually my heart would be pounding or my hands would be shaking. Instead, this time, I stood perfectly still on the front porch. I heard footsteps coming towards the door. Next to me I could feel Phoenix tighten up. The door slid open and I saw the head football coach standing in the door way. “Phoenix, I’m glad you could make it.”

Phoenix nodded and stepped into the house. As I stepped in the coach smiled and nodded at me. Both Phoenix and I walked into the entryway. Dark wooden floors could be seen throughout the whole house from the entryway. The coach quietly shut the door. Phoenix’s hands were shoved into his wet pockets. “This is Collin.” The coach stuck his hand out and I shook the large palm. This older man had played for the NFL�"hence the large house. He had coached some NFL team for a year when he decided that high school was where he was supposed to be. He took over the last head coach’s job and the team had been doing great since. His large size showed that football was something that he was made for.

Phoenix looked through the whole house from the entryway. I heard some more footsteps coming from the back of the house and I saw Justin walk around the corner. He smiled and waved at us. Phoenix nodded and turned back to the coach. Justin walked up to us and we formed a smile circle so we could all talk.

Phoenix started the conversation, “I have to tell everyone.” It became apparent to me that the coach already knew what was about to be spilled. The coach nodded and smiled.

Justin spoke up, “I think it’s for the best.”   

Phoenix looked at Justin, “can you get everyone together for me?”

Justin nodded and walked off. When he was gone the coach started talking, “I’m giving you the whole floor Phoenix. Know that you always have a place on this team no matter who or what you are.” I gained a large amount of respect for this coach in the first few minutes that I had met him.

I could hear through an open door in the back a bunch of guys starting to yell. They were being gathered right outside the door. The coach took his first steps through the entryway then smiled at Phoenix. The coach disappeared around the corner. I stepped forward put Phoenix grabbed my hand. I stopped and looked up at him. Without a word he kissed the top of my forehead with great force. His hand pinched my elbow as he continued to kiss my forehead. He pushed away and quickly walked the same way the coach had. I had to run to keep up with his fast pace.

We walked to the two open doors leading out to the back of the house. The kitchen was to my right as we moved to the doors. I could hear the whole football team yelling�"still celebrating. I smiled and followed phoenix through the doors. Everyone yelled as Phoenix stepped through and I immediately saw him light up. This team was him family, and he loved them more then he loved anyone else�"I saw that now. People yelled and cheered as they threw high fives and butt slaps�"awkward, I know.

Phoenix laughed and smiled with the team. A few people saw me and yelled out my name. Luckily no one decided to touch my rear end. Phoenix lifted up his hands and calmed down the whole team. I hadn’t realized the size of this team. There had to be about fifty players standing in this coach’s back yard. A fire burned in the center of the large group and I caught glimpses of their faces through the flames.  Each of them had a bright smile on their face as they looked up to their leader. They had respect for Phoenix and the love they shared could also be seen through their eyes. Justin sat in the center of the group and looked lovingly up at Phoenix. Phoenix was their captain, their leader�"their brother. When Phoenix spoke everyone listened.

“You guys played great tonight and it showed in our victory.” The guys erupted in cheers and again high fives and inappropriate touching happened. I hid a smile behind my hand as I tried not to laugh out loud. Truly, I didn’t understand the concept�"it was actually quite funny to me. I guess it was a guy thing. Seeing as I never was one of “the guys” I didn’t have much room to talk.

Phoenix continued, “We won fair and square. Geeze, we even helped them out.” Everyone laughed including the coach. Phoenix would’ve have let that poor player suffer on that field no matter who the boy was.

Phoenix lowered his eyes and returned his hands to his pockets, “but I haven’t been the best team captain that I could’ve been.” It was amazing all the confused faces come across the players. They looked at each other but then focused again on Phoenix. My boy’s eyes dropped to the ground and he licked his lips. “I haven’t been telling you all the truth.” His head picked up and he looked into every single eye of his players.

Phoenix bit his lip and turned his head so that he could see me out of the corner of my eyes. I crossed my arms and leaned against the open door frame. “I guess I just want you all to know that the only reason I didn’t tell you is because I was scared. I was scared that if I told you something would happen to our team, we wouldn’t be a family anymore. I want you to know that I wouldn’t do that to you.” Everyone realized that this talk had taken a different route than they had planned.

“I�",”Phoenix couldn’t seem to get the words out. One more time he looked over the whole group of people surrounding him. His tongue fell over his lips as he tried to force the words out. Justin looked up�"knowing�"waiting for Phoenix to say those two simple worlds. Finally Phoenix rolled his shoulders back lifted his head and squared his body. “I’m gay,” the two horrid words finally came out. I could see disgust in some eyes, some boredom in others. Phoenix looked around and pursed his lips, “but I’m still your captain, and have been for the past two seasons.”

“So you’re telling us you like men?” Someone called from the back of the group.

Phoenix nodded and there were sighs throughout the group. Phoenix looked at the coach who shrugged. Justin stood up, “what does it matter to you guys anyways? Obviously if Phoenix wanted to see any of you naked he wouldn’t have to go far�"you sick men.” Justin tried to lighten the mood with a joke. Everyone laughed easing some of the tension. Justin started speaking again, “Phoenix is our captain, whether he’s gay or not.” Phoenix and Justin caught glances and they shared a smile before Justin sat back down.

Phoenix put his hands on his waist and then lowered them back to his pockets. His wet shirt was still clinging tightly to his body. “After the season, feel free to decide how to act. But for now, we are a family and we have to act like one if we plan on succeeding this season.”

Everyone got quiet again. The tension returned to small group. I continued to lean on the side of the door frame and watch Phoenix. I caught Justin looking up at me. He smiled when I glanced over at him. Someone else seemed to notice the exchange and spoke out, “is that why he’s here?” Every pair of eyes was on me now.

Phoenix turned his head so that he was looking at me. He was waiting for my reaction just as much as the others were. Slowly my head tilted up and down affirming their suspicions. Phoenix smiled and stepped to his left. He motioned for me to walk over to him�"so I did. Smoothly his arm went around my wet waist and he pulled me close into him. I continued to fold my arm across my chest. “I love him,” Phoenix spoke quietly then his tone became serious. “After the season it doesn’t matter what you do or say to me, but if you even think about touching him�"there will be no mercy.”

I felt the tension get even higher. Another player from the back spoke softly, “Phoenix we’re only talking garbage dumps.” Garbage dumps are things the bullies do to younger freshmen or nerds. They throw them into the large garbage cans behind the lunch room�"they smell the worst.

In was in Phoenix’s one sentence that I finally understood how much I meant to him. This football team was his family and he loved them with everything inside of him. What I didn’t realize is that Phoenix would give that up for me. I lifted my chin and looked at his very serious face. He tried to take the expression off with a smile. “That’s what I’m talking about,” The crowd couldn’t see the seriousness anymore and they all laughed. I felt fingers fingertips dig into my hip bone a little harder. “Listen guys, I’m still the same guy. I’ve been the same guy the whole time you’ve known me. Now you just know me a little bit better.”

I could see the players slowly soften their faces and eyes. Phoenix continued to look each and every single one of them in the eye. “This is all I had to tell you.” Phoenix lowered his head and kissed the top of my upturned head. He kept his chin pressed against my forehead for a minute. “We better go,” he whispered and I stepped back. I could hear the disappointment in his voice. 

As we both stepped away the men behind us filled with shouts. “No Phoenix, don’t go!” was the main sentence shouted. He stopped a smile twitched at the corner of his lips. He turned around and everyone stood up and surrounded him. Slowly I was shoved out of the circle and I took my place at the door frame again.

The players let us stay and I found myself sitting around the fire-pit with Phoenix’s team. A few of the players were playing a game of tag football on the large lawn behind us. Phoenix sat next to me with his arm around my shoulders on the outside couch used for these football get-togethers. Everyone was laughing and shouting around me. Phoenix continually busted into the conversations with his own jokes and stories. It was nice to see him actually enjoying himself. After awhile though, I felt my eyes slowly melting down my face. It was almost impossible for me to keep them open. Slowly my head drifted over to Phoenix’s shoulder.

Someone noticed and I saw a finger point to me through my sleepy nodding. Phoenix moved to see my face slowly falling motionless. “I guess we better get going then.” His words were muffled in my exhausted head. Carefully Phoenix slid his arm out from under me. I forced enough energy through my body so that I could stand up with Phoenix. His hand coiled with mine and he started to say his good byes. Everyone yelled and tried to get their voices heard.

Phoenix started to lead me back in the house. I could still hear footsteps behind us. When we got to the door Phoenix stopped and turned around. I followed his same actions and looked at Justin in front of us. He flicked his black bangs out of his bright blue eyes and he smiled at us. “Thanks so much Justin.” Phoenix said and wrapped his arms around Justin’s shoulders. As they pulled apart Justin’s eyes gleamed. They were brothers, maybe it wasn’t by blood, but in their hearts they were connected.

Phoenix returned to my side and Justin gave me a good firm pat on my shoulder. Phoenix pulled at my waist and he opened the door behind us.

During the drive home it was hard to keep my eyes open. My head again rested on the bottom of the window and I slowly drifted off to sleep. It felt like minutes but soon phoenix’s hands were softly touching my neck. “Coll, we’re home.”

I lifted my head and looked into the cab of the car. I saw the Phoenix’s eyes were illuminated in the cab even though the car was stopped in front of my complex. He was smiling in an uncomfortable way and trying to hide some sort of anger. I pursed my lips together and looked at him. I felt my hair sticking up on my head from being windblown in the window.

Phoenix shook his head and rested his wrist on his steering wheel. “What’s wrong?” Phoenix shut his eyes and when he opened them they were no longer lit.

A smile split his face and he stroked the side of my face. “Larsen’s raging about the events after the game. Ryder and Veronica are trying to stand up for me. It’s just funny to hear all of the ideas about who I am. I can only imagine how awful this night is going to be.” Phoenix hand pulled away and he started to get out of the car.

I stayed inside the car like I was supposed to until Phoenix came to my side. He opened up the door and I once again took his pale hand into mine and lifted up out of the car. I immediately wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled my face into his chest. “Stay here then,” I whispered.

His hand stroked the bones up and down my spine. “If you say so,” I didn’t even need to try hard to convince him. He and I didn’t need to go through the window. Jerry and my mom would be passed out by now.

Phoenix and I walked hand in hand as I struggled to get my keys out of my pocket. We silently walked to my door and I put the key into its slot and turned. As I opened the door the TV lights flashed and I could see the large mass of flesh (also known as Jerry) passed out on his chair (or what used to be my father’s chair). My mother was lying on the couch next to him with an empty vodka bottle still in her hand.

I walked in and let go of Phoenix. Carefully and smoothly I took the bottle from my mother’s hand and set it on the table. With the same stealth I grabbed the remote from Jerry’s hand. The TV shut off and the room was dark as night. I tripped over the end of the table and landed in Phoenix’s arms. His eyes illuminated giving me some light to move around.

I grabbed a blanket from off the back of one of the couches and pulled it over my mother’s frozen body. With a light touch I kissed the top of her head and pulled away. I locked all the doors and made sure that everything was shut before I went up to my room. This whole thing was regular procedure. Every night in the middle of the night I’d wake up and make sure that my mother was comfortable. After all she was still my mother and she would always be my mother�"whether she was good at it or not.

Phoenix stood at the edge of the stairs and waited for me. His arms were folded as he watched me move back and forth from the kitchen trying to clean everything up. Finally I took a deep breath and started walking for the stairs. “You try too hard.” He whispered as we started up the steps one by one. “Why do you do that when you get nothing in return?”

I looked over at him, “why do you save people only to get nothing in return.”

He pursed his lips together and started walking forward up to my room. I opened the door and stepped in. Phoenix closed it lightly behind us. “Why are you so wonderful?”

“Eh, I was born that way.” I was pretty much joking, but Phoenix wasn’t. I kicked my shoes off one at a time. When they were both off I felt Phoenix’s hands on my neck. His finger tips running softly across my skin. The hair underneath his hands stood on end.

I turned around quickly to look up at him. He flattened the hair on top of my head and smiled. I grabbed onto the front of his shirt and stood on the top of my toes so that I could kiss him. His hand came to the side of my face and his thumb grazed my cheek�"like it always did.

When I pulled away I fell back onto the bed. I was too tired to talk anymore. Phoenix shut off the light and walked around to the opposite side of my bed. I heard his shirt drop to the ground and he kicked off his shoes. I was almost out before he even got into bed. An arm went around my torso and he brought our bodies closer together. His lips whispered against my ear. “I love you Collin Hanks, even though I don’t deserve you.” Let’s just say I slept well that night. 

Author's Note

Sorry it took so long to get up. I've been rather busy. :S