Chapter 1

Collin never gets away with daydreaming in class, but that's never stopped him before.

Part One

Collin and Kai

Talk not of wasted affection; affection never was wasted.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 

Chapter 1 (Collin)

 

Friday September 10th, 2010

 

You’re not supposed to fall for your best friend.

 

Trust me…

 

And the other 1.5 million people that are sure to tell you the exact same thing.

 

It‘s weird and frankly sometimes annoying.

 

You see, it’s this universal well-known law that always gets broken and cried about, written into countless plays, movies, and paperbacks and then is ironically spewed about as sound advice just as someone is bending the rules of it again.

 

But it is sound advice. Even if it‘s confusing.

 

I swear I’m going to get to the point here.

 

You have a best friend, this person that means the world to you. Someone you’re happy with. Someone you’re comfortable with. Everything is just ducky. Nothing could go wrong here. You’re safe in this perfect little bubble of friendship.

 

Or so you think.

 

Remember, bubbles always pop.

 

You see one day everything decides to turn inside out and upside down with no warning what so-freaking-ever. And then: Bam! Your perception changes. They’re different. You’re different. This whole equation is different, so nothing is adding up the way it used to. Now that person that was already a major player becomes an even bigger focal point in this unrehearsed play we call life. They’re the starring role and the sidekick all rolled up in one perfect little bundle that you can‘t tear your eyes away from.

 

Congratulations, now you have two relationships you can screw up. This perfect friendship that’s been the glue through all life’s moments that rip you apart…and this strange new feeling; this little swelling that’s waking up right in your chest…

 

And maybe it doesn’t seem so bad, right? I mean it’s like having Burger King and McDonalds in one place. You can get the best of both worlds.

 

Wrong. You lose, because the whole mess is deceiving at first. While a super-mega fast food paradise will just clog your arteries, this is going to smash up your heart in a whole other way.

 

It will make your world brighter just so that you can see how much more complicated everything has become. Then when you’re looking in wonder it’ll either explode in your face like some malicious little jack in the box or just sit and simmer until the flame is gone and this new love hasn‘t gone anywhere. You’ll be left in neutral, nowhere to go from here and no opportunity for reverse. Just stuck with a mistake you had no option but to make.

 

Know what you’re left with after that?

 

Nothing. You lose, game over…you can’t go back. Nothing will ever be the way that it was…

 

You’ll find just a broken pile of memories, and an irreparable tear where they use to be. But sometimes even all the warnings in the world don’t convey clearly enough the predicament you’re about to put yourself in.

 

It’s the unmatched oxymoron. Your heart is screaming at you to take that final plunge and jump, while your mind is yelling just as loudly that this is a bad idea.

 

And frankly…your heart shouldn’t win. It should listen for once…but somehow it usually dropkicks your brain and commits the ultimate betrayal. It casually takes your hand and leads you down a path that is sure to destroy both of you.

 

So I’m warning you. Because even now, even as you’re reading these words, you’re thinking about them. You’re imaging that traitorous swelling in your chest, and the sparkle in their eyes…

 

So you should just say no. Remember? We learned that lesson sometime between playgrounds and kiss and tell; way back around second grade…anything that is going to alter your perception of reality is bad. I think we even got a t-shirt about it.

 

You should make it a rule you’ll live by. Kind of like don't swim in the lightening and don't count your chickens before they hatch.

 

One of those rules you write on your mirror, your hand, and your heart just so you won’t accidentally forget. Somewhere to remind you not to think about them in that way that makes your world a whole lot better, look at them in that way that makes your heart thump a little faster, and love them in a way that’s bound to shatter everything.

 

Decide once and for all that “just friends” is where you stand, and that this new and strange love won’t be the quicksand that suffocates years of friendship. Then pen your resolution in permanent marker so the sun, the wind, the laughter, and the tears that are bound to bring you closer together will not fade it…

 

I told myself that’s what I would do. I’m not even sure when all of this began, but I know one day I looked at you and I forgot to breathe. It was like one of those corny love songs had taken control of my body and shaken me up so bad that I couldn’t catch my breath and go back to how we use to be. Even though God knows I tried to…I tried to write it all down and figure it all out, and just let you be my best friend again.

 

Tried to take my own advice and scribble across my heart that I couldn’t do this.

 

But…my damn sharpie must have run out of ink because somehow I’ve fallen. Somehow, I’ve rushed headfirst into the most beautiful mistake of my life.

 

Yeah…sorry to be a hypocrite.

 

It’s hard. Especially when your best friend happens to have green eyes that make your throat close up.

 

And a smile that makes the world stop for a moment…just so you can appreciate it.

 

Oh yeah, and a laugh that makes everything seem like somehow, it all will be ok.

 

And we can’t forget that the rest of her isn’t too bad to look at either.

 

Sue me. I’ve noticed.

 

And while I am sure my hormones thoroughly appreciate everything her presence does for them, I am one hundred percent positive this is more than some teenage guy being a creeper over his hot best friend. It’s more.

 

I’m eighteen years old; I’ve had my fair share of experience when it comes to be attracted to the lovely female form.

 

I am smart enough to realize that just because I enjoy watching Angelina kick some serious a*s on a regular basis doesn’t mean I’m going to fight Brad for her. This is more than attraction. This is different.

 

This is also strong enough for me know I am way in over my head. This is something real.

 

I have loved this girl since we were three years old and somehow along the way that love changed into this weird overwhelming little minion inside of me that‘s clawing to get out.

 

I’m struggling to keep this thing hidden. Every moment that passes makes this harder…

 

It’s grown into something I am sure is noticeable. Or would be…to anyone else who isn’t as adorably unobservant as she is.

 

I did try to remember…I tried to remind myself. I’m not completely stupid.

 

I mean, how many cliché love stories does the world have floating around? Just meandering wherever they wish, ready to ram into your chest and remind you that falling for your best friend always screws s**t up. Granted if some Hollywood meathead is going to pursue his best Hollywood Starlet everything changes. The world is saved, the bad guys are vanquished, dinner is on the table, and the girl is in his arms. Everything will be neatly wrapped up in ninety minutes or so…but that doesn’t happen to guys like me. I don’t run down Sunset Boulevard with my shirt conveniently MIA. I’m more apt to attempt to run down Main St. losing my breath and fully (thankfully) clothed.

 

Anyway…let’s leave that image far far behind us.

 

I just don’t know how this will all work out. I’m lost in this maze of emotions, feeling slightly like Alice with not even the Mad Hatter to help me out of this one.

 

Somehow, I’ve fallen in love with my best friend, and I don’t know how to climb back out…

 

I"

 

"Mr. Price."

 

‘Kai...call me Collin, like always…’

 

"Mr. Price."

 

‘I hear your voice all the time, but why are you calling me Mr. Price? I kind of...you sound mean…’

 

"Mr Price!"

 

‘Wait what...that’s….’

 

"Mr. Price if you could please join the class long enough to name two of the characters Shakespeare created in Hamlet, and name some of their key personality traits I would appreciate it. You see that is what the rest of us are studying right now. Or have you neglected to notice?"

 

‘Hawk Eye…’

 

The sudden intrusion of a voice was a whip across Collin's thoughts that brought him sputtering back to reality with the gentleness of a bucket of ice water.

 

Snagging the errant words still running through his mind like frenzied gnomes on a sugar high, Collin looked up.

 

He immediately wished he could look back down.

 

A woman loomed over his desk with the same posture that Collin imagined a jailor would don in the presence of a particularly wretched prisoner. She appeared to be suspended between anger and glee. A cat thrilled at the hunt, and yet angry that the blasted mouse had woken it.

 

She smiled.

 

Wilson High school’s infamous Literature teacher, Ms. Elizabeth Palmer, was a legend. A legend of the same sort as Babba Yaga and the Big Bad Wolf used to scare small children into good behavior. She also had a useful talent for catching mentally truant students, in particular, Collin Price.

 

Granted, Collin made it easy for her. It was a rare occasion that he tethered himself to the Earth and stayed away from the clouds constantly hovering above his head. Reality never is quite as bright as the imagination. It didn’t help that he was expected to be in her class for first period. Early in the morning his imagination misbehaved much more than it did normally. Although around two in the afternoon it began acting up again too…

 

Really eleven to one in the afternoon was his peak learning time. If only he could manage to fit school into those hours he was sure he could curb his imaginings …

 

But what an imagination he possessed! Though she’d be apt to deny it, the few classes Ms. Palmer managed to catch Collin’s interest were moments of pride for her. He was bright. One of those students she was sure years from now would stroll down the halls of this school with stories to tell, accomplishments to boast about.

 

She almost liked him.

 

Almost.

 

However, despite Ms. Palmer’s unusually warm feelings towards Collin, something parallel to delight was guiding her features into that thin forced smile that boded ill for the boy sitting before her. Warm feelings or not, she had caught him…

 

The coil settling in Collin’s stomach tightened.

 

‘I really should have been listening at some point…’

 

Collin didn’t tune Ms. Palmer out because she was a bad teacher. In fact of all his teachers Collin was sure Ms. Palmer interested him the most. She probably would not have been surprised to find he returned her meager respect with his own.

 

He loved listening to her. She was informative and to the point, full of more knowledge than she would ever be able to convey in a forty five minute class.

 

Besides, she had a muffled Southern accent. Which became much less muffled when she grew upset.

 

Collin was sure if he ever found the ability to pay attention to what was going on outside his head for more than a few minutes at a time he would thoroughly enjoy listening to her. Unfortunately some miracle cure had yet to present itself, and he continued to jettison to the twilight zone after the first few minutes of a lecture. This was a slight problem as Ms. Palmer was very good and very experienced at catching Collin’s “zoned out” face.

 

She was also very good at torturing her students.

 

And enjoying it…probably a bit more than she should.

 

Realizing that it was either answer or face her wrath, Collin tried to replay the question she had asked him. His internal recorder skipped over the last few minutes, fumbling through conversations he had only been half present for.

 

Her foot began tapping, “Well?”

 

‘Is that the same sound people facing the executioner heard? The man with the ax’s impatient tapping?”

 

Stalling for more time Collin stuttered, "Ah…well."

 

Something told him that was not the reply she was looking for.

 

Swallowing, Collin waited for his teacher’s displeasure to volley down upon him. He cleared his throat, and continued to try to grasp what his teacher had asked him, ‘What did old Hawk Eye say? Something about Hamlet? It’s got to be Hamlet…we’re reading that now…I think. No…there’s no way we’re done with Hamlet. There wasn’t a test yet…no. No test…maybe. Or maybe she said something about an omelet…weirder things have happened…maybe the play after Hamlet had an egg farm in it? Or…something…no. Hamlet. Definitely Hamlet. We’re going to go with “What is Hamlet for 800 please.“ No. God no don’t say that out loud. And please, don’t smile. Great job. You did it. Now she’s looking at you like you‘re unstable. Idiot smile. Hamlet. Please be Hamlet…’

 

True to form, Old Hawk Eye eyeballed him like a field mouse. " ‘Ah’ and ‘Well’…I see Mr. Price.” Ms. Palmer clasped her palms together, as though praying for someone to take the burden of teaching out of her hands, “While I’m not the most versed scholar in pertaining to what parents may have named their children in the 16th century, I am sure I would have remembered two extraordinary names such as those.” She smirked, “Dare to try again?"

 

                Collin smothered the urge to acknowledge his teacher’s skillfully placed barb, ‘Well played…’

 

"What I meant to say was…um there is the obvious…which is of course Hamlet." he paused, and Ms. Palmer seemed to ready herself for the final swooping kill.

 

‘Dear God, don’t bait her…’

 

"However, my favorites have always been the murderous King Claudius, and everyone’s favorite, and delightfully mad, Ophelia.” Collin rambled for a few more moments, running through the character's most obvious flaws and strengths until Ms. Palmer nodded and waved her hand in a signal to stop.

 

Collin grinned, and watched his teacher’s face. It seemed Ms. Palmer’s carefully trained muscles wanted to scowl in disappointment, but tradition forced them to remain arranged in careful indifference.

 

"Very good Mr. Price."

 

Collin could hear the exasperation coloring her slight Southern inflection. The barely smothered disappointment and the unspoken words at the end of her sentence directed a silent warning. Ms. Elizabeth Palmer made it no secret that she enjoyed preying on her students. Forty plus years trapped in a building with the unwashed public known as teenagers had left her just slightly aggressive.

 

"Thank you Ms. Palmer."

 

His teacher nodded and continued her lesson, but not before scorching him with one final glare. Collin liked to imagine he also saw a small bit of respect peek around the corners of her eyes.

 

‘You love me like the son you never had…you just don’t know it yet, but I’ll work on it.’

 

He smiled as he glanced back down at the journal hidden in his Literature textbook. Deciding that he should cut his losses, he dropped the tablet into his bag underneath the desk.

 

He had risen to the challenge this round, but even the most bumbling knight did not poke the dragon after narrowly escaping its lair. Next time…next time she would be sure to catch him in her claws, and there was no need to be an easy target. Best pay attention for now.

 

‘Nothing like some verbal sparring to keep one on his toes.’

 

"I don’t know why you wanted to take this class in the first place."

 

The whisper came from his left, and he started as it skipped into his ear, having already been daydreaming again. Visions of field mice danced in his head. Carefully stalked by Ms. Palmer of course.

 

"I told you Kai, it’s interesting." Collin struggled to contain his laughter as his words pulled a sarcastic expression onto his best friend’s face. "Any other girl would look terrible like that you know."

 

"You don’t pay attention, so how do you know if it’s interesting? And shut up about my face."

 

He sighed, "I can tell by the atmosphere. This classroom just calls to me."

 

‘That and you were taking it too…’

 

He smirked at her, "And don't hold your face like that. It's cold out there; it'll stay that way."

 

Kai made a noise that Collin would be apt to call a snort, although he would never tell her that. She would probably resort to hitting him and then snorting when he hit the floor.

 

"You’re just a dork." Kai turned away from him and continued taking notes while Ms. Palmer resolutely ignored the whispered exchange between the two of them. She flashed them a glance fashioned to alarm the most stalwart of hearts and continued trudging along about Hamlet’s eating habits and how far his bathroom was from his kitchen.

 

Our something like that. Collin wasn’t paying much attention.

 

No student was going to interrupt her. She would exact revenge later, probably with bloodletting. Death by slow bleeding brought upon from blisters. After all the human body could only write, "I will obey" so many times.

 

Enjoying the mental image of his five foot in heels teacher standing over a cowering student while he wrote away his life in some sort of torture chamber under the school helped Collin drift off again. It had always been far too easy for him to leave this world and enter another.

 

‘There would definitely be stone walls. Nothing else is as intimidating…a torture chamber with paneling, or better yet that attractive orange wallpaper with flowers the size of cabbages from the 70’s just doesn’t seem like it would strike fear in the hearts of children everywhere. High school kids just do not scare as easy as they use to…there, that’s perfect. Like Dracula’s castle blew up inside Hogwarts. I think old Hawk Eye would be happy playing a slightly sadistic McGonagall. I like it. Except"‘

 

His world was torn away.

 

Reviews

[Gomeisa]

Now, i normally don't like to read but this was freakin' amazing. I can not tell you how true this story is. It's so freakin' relate-able that it isn't even funny. Ironically though, i found some parts in this story funny.

ANYHOW, i love the sense of imagery you used. I love how you really brought the character to life. I love how you really know how to hook a reader in. I love how you kept me engaged the whole time i was reading this. I love EVERYTHING about this story. Not to mention the fact that it also flows naturally which seems to be something i have a problem with when it comes to writing.

This is just so good. I really admire your work and i can't wait for the next chapter. Like seriously though, this is amazing.

After reading this, it's made me realize that I've got a lot of improving to do. Such great writing. Great write and well done. Keep it up.