Confusion between us

There was this boy

-It all started way back in 4th grade-

he was new to the school never seen him in my life

well me being a 10 year old I handled everything wrong

I found out he had a crush on a girl and I got upset

I stalked him and his family

and made fake Instagram accounts with his name

One day I got a message from his mom

"stop or I will handle it"

me up late crying because of this was a usual, a daily thing

but I still loved him..

-in 5th grade-

The next year, not much had changed except the fact on the first

day of school a new girl showed up, and she was in my class.

the boy's name was drew, and the girls name was olivia

drew was tall and well I was tall too, so that was one reason I liked him, but I was fat. Weighing 170 pounds and being 5'4

The first day of school in 5th grade I already knew he would date her

Months passed by.

Me and Olivia weren't best friends, but we were friends I asked her if she liked him, but she denied it.

One day rumor had it (and it was true)

that drew had a crush on Olivia.

We still asked her if she liked him, and the answer was always no.

But I knew she did, but I also knew she said she didn't

so I wasn't too upset because part of me believed she didn't

Well a few weeks past by, and I found out they were dating 

I couldn't handle it

I cried so much that last 2  months of school

I realized I had to do something.. To change.. To get him

I knew I would go to his middle school next year, but my mom also enrolled me in a charter school but i had high hopes i wouldn't get into that school, i basically already knew i would go to his school, so over the summer I went from 170 pounds to 130, all for him. I even had my mom buy me some expensive makeup. I got some new hair thingy's to fix my hair up

I knew i'd get him.

- 2 weeks before 6th grade starts-

I was so happy about going to his school, to try once again.. even though he hated me...

That's all I could think about was going there.

One day my mom got a phone call.. I had got into the charter school..

I cried so much as soon as I found out, but my parents didn't care because it wasn't a long drive to that school

I felt like it was all for nothing

I felt empty all those months of sixth grade.

I didn't see him everyday (even thought I never talked to him)

It was so different and I still tried to reach him on social media, but he always blocked me

when I played rec ball (basketball) I would usually see him at my games watching because I played on a boys team and his best friends were on my team.

He was so perfect..

-7th grade starts-

Well, i'm finally at his school

it's going great I guess..

we were on the way to second block and I saw him in the hallway, some of his friends said something about me, and he turned out and stared at me for about 5 seconds, then continued his day.

I don't know what type of stare that was, but it made me feel good.

I mean, part of me is like.. I know he doesn't like me

but the other part of me is like I know he does and I have to keep trying

Iv'e made a lot of new friends at the school, and they asked him if he liked me

he said no. duh of corse

but my friends said that you could tell he did

I still had the biggest crush on him, I couldn't let go, and here I am right now with a boyfriend, and I still love drew

I'm scared to talk to him.

What do I say? and what if he makes a weird face when I come up to him or he walks away fast.

i'm scared about what could happen

Drew missed school one day, and then the next following day

he was making up a test so he was in my class to do it, and I got a panic attack, a full on panic attack

I had to go to the restroom, my palms were sweaty I WAS SHAKING

I was upset, not scared

upset because he's in here

I don't want him in here.

I don't wanna see him anymore. I can't take it.

I still loved him, but it was too much for me..

When the class ended I saw him in the hallway again.

See I have a strange personality

I was talking to my friend or what ever and i said "NO B***H"

and drew was right behind me and he said "oooh she said a bad word! wright her up!"

then he smiled, but it wasn't a smirk.. it was just a smile

so I continued my day being confused..

He looks at me a lot, but I just don't know what to think..

Author's Note

The story doesn't end here. I would finish it, but I can't see into the future.
Please leave reviews and comments. This took a lot to write believe it or not, because it still hurts.