Lawn Gnomes and Well Dressed Rabbits

I got drunk on easter sunday. It was very religious, and this was the end outcome. Except for the fractured nose... That was way later...

Sunken eyed screaming

Whites highlighting the bruised

Flesh beneath

 

Blue grey purple

I think I fractured my nose last week

But it felt good to get into a fight

Feel scrapes

Blood running

 

Have you seen your pulse behind your eyes recently?

I have, it was exhilarating

 

But then before all of this

There was a man

The living version of a lawn gnome

And of course

He hangs out in his lawn

 

He told us about

How he likes to chase off the people

Who want to but the house next door

By acting crazy

While he lights his metal pipe

 

We sit on the slab of wood

Set in the middle of his lawn

Nowhere near the house

But he still calls it a deck

 

Before my love and I left

Our shadow cave

We were drinking on an empty stomach

Oh how we love our vodka

And that was nice

 

But the wooden sun slab

Sitting in the sun

Somewhere around noon

On Easter Sunday

Was hot

 

And as I smoked with the little gnome

As we smoked with the little gnome

He began to tell us about his hospitalization

Drifting back into the memory

 

Only once he found it

The f*****g thing possessed him

 

As I cleared the pipe

His eyes rolled back into his head

As he described the feeding tube he woke up with

And I started to feel dizzy

While he was convulsing and

Imitated pulling the thing out of his mouth

Feet squared on the ground head back to the sky

Tears running from his eyes as he made gagging noises

While black spots formed on the edges of my vision

 

To cap it all off

He acted as if he threw it on the ground

Wiped his mouth

And said

“It was a long rubbery thing.”

 

All I wanted was for the story to stop

A little cup of water

And possibly some shade

 

So I changed the subject

And asked if we could move to the shade

While he took a nip from his flask

 

Then he starts to tell me about the tree

Just behind the porch

The one with no leaves

 

“That on there

It gets leaves in the summer

But they aren’t here yet.”

 

So I tell him

“That’s cool,

but I think I’m going to pass out.”

But he isn’t listening

And he keeps on saying

“It’s just full of leaves

Packed so full its shady here all day

They just aren’t here yet…

Hey you don’t look so good fella.”

 

So she steps in

Trying to help

Telling him that we need to go to the shade

And im telling him that I need some water

 

Se we start to migrate

As the black spots swell

Invading my vision

 

Suddenly everything is black

 

She tells me,

“Just keep walking over here

There is a place to sit in the shade over here.”

But her voice keeps going farther and farther away

 

So I tell her

“I can’t see where over here is.”

And fall over

 

Thick fat cotton balls floating in a on ocean

Flat motionless no ripples

Then she shows up in my vision

Clouds

 

“How long was I out?”

I ask

And my love tells me

Only a moment

 

The gnome has an old McDonald’s cup

Full of ice water

And it’s as if he filled a cup with heaven

He’s still chattering about how he thought I was going to die

But I can’t seem to focus on the stream of words flowing from his mouth

I notice the old mortar shell lawn art

And how each passerby seems to know him

 

I notice that his house seems to be built out of sheds

 

Then through the window

Of the car parked in the drive way

I see a horror

 

A long eared monstrosity

Snow white

And at least seven feet tall

 

It had googly eyes

Bright blue

And a demonic grin

Complete with uneven buck teeth protruding

 

It had a bow tie

And a pink vest on

The three button version

 

“Baby, please tell me

Am I f*****g hallucinating?”

Is all I can say

 

She looks up

Just as this thing marches in front of the car

And says

“No, that’s an Easter bunny.”

 

My face falls into my hands

Feeling as if I have lost my mind

I decide that we need to get away from this place

This lawn gnome

And this demented figure

Wearing an Easter bunny costume

Marching down the street

 

Somehow, my love and I,

Look at each other in unison

And I say

“We should go to Wendy’s.”

 

So we did

 

And some time after this

I fractured my nose

In a fight with her nephew

 

The bruised skin below the eyes

Highlighted the whites

As she playfully grabs the tip of my nose

And wiggles it

06/07/2012

Author's Note

0235 am

Reviews

[Laura Maidah]

It's flawless except for one thing: it's long. You might opt out of a lot of words here and there to get rid of extra baggage. Just my opinion. Otherwise it's a great read.

[_mal]

Some of this was like getting smacked in the face, very well written. Effective

[Robbie~xoxo~]

What a trip!! Wow!...I would say that would have left a lasting impression on my mind too! The adventure was none stop action all the way... Such vivid imagery you have etched in my mind. Nicely penned!

[...]

Oh gosh! This was a running movie script. And, your narration was so detailed and so vivid that I felt I was right there in the scene. What an intense experience the entire day must have been! Sometimes people and conversations and alcohol take us to places in our head we didn't know existed. Fantastic writing. It's an incredibly insight into the workings of the human mind.