Ruptured

The day it shattered
I knew it mattered
More than I had let myself believe

The life went on
But I just mourned
The jolting loss of the obscure dream

Shimmering light
I see, twinkling bright
In the creeping darkness and space

Cuckoo had called
The birds all gone
Leaving me in the oblivion forever

The shattered pieces
Tease me with creases
In the memories of life I once knew

Grief and shame
Sleep in open grave
To keep an eye on the chameleon sky

Goodnight to you
Dreams that come true
Are smashed by wishes reared in malice


-©jyoti_ablaze

Author's Note

When the pen bleeds...

Read/Review/Rate/Share
Thank you for your time!

Reviews

[TheLostMind]

"The life went on
But I just mourned
The jolting loss of the obscure dream "

"The shattered pieces
Tease me with creases
In the memories of life I once knew "

Loved the above mentioned stanzas. Made me smile. This poem is kinda melancholic, yet it makes me smile because of how it's been written. We all think about the memories of our past. Time will fly by, but some memories stay back and haunt us for eternity.

This one is beautifully penned.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Memories are magical.
Thank you for your kind words.

[dan]

Jyoti, Poets write of lost love with such conviction, and this piece is a jarringly real instance of an emotional unburdening of lost love's effects. "Grief and shame sleep in open grave to keep an eye on the chameleon sky..." is such a brilliant use of imagery conveying such outpouring of loss. I must return here more often if this piece is any indication of your muse. take care...dan

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Well, the truth is that I usually start a piece with a feeling coming from within and then gradually I let the words weave a story out of it. I started this piece, thinking of my late father and then I didn't realise when the imagination took such a drastic change.
Thank you for your kind visit.

[M P Ramesh]

jyoti,

Let the pen bleed and get the reader its salt. The sacrifice the writer offers is nothing less than life blood. Hence so grief reserved. When it is the creation that matters , there appears no deviation available than to enter in to ................yes enter in to the post selflessly and with mindset to accept defeat. The victory ultimately lies with those who suffered and
Let me quote Orsen Wells
" The absence of deficit/limitation
is the enemy of ART"
EXCELLENT Attempt.......


carry on.........

nice to meet after a long break. Hope you have memories we shared on WC and FB


mp

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for your kind words.

[Salvatore]

Hi Jyoti,
Very nice poem. Delicate words have been used to express a big sadness. I drifted in the images you showed me.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Salvatore for your kind visit.

[Meshalini]

This is very beautiful to read...
You expressed the sadness very nice..
Good work...

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you! Glad you visited.

[Pushkar Prabhat]

beautiful........
filled with sadness.............a deep feeling of loss.........
beautifully done.....
i loved it!!!
:)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Pushkar!

[Shabeeh Haider]

Jyoti this is so beautiful in a sad way. Indeed the pen is bleeding with the ink from the heart.
I like your rhyming scheme as well.
A beautiful poem indeed.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Shabeeh. Happy that you liked it.

[Isabel]

Jyoti, how!? This piece is really beautiful.
"The jolting loss of the obscure dream..."
"To keep an eye on the chameleon sky..."
I absolutely LOVED those two lines. Fantastic work! Keep it up.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Maria! Glad you liked it.

[mou]

needless to say that your pen bleeds..I love the metaphor that are used here..a very conscious use of words make it like a deep sad tune..
just beautiful!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you! Gald you found it beautiful.

[mou]

you are welcome

[Einstein Noodle]

excellent title for the piece in my mind .. the first verse has rhyme and meter that i found myself trying to press upon the rest of the poem ...when i couldn't i went back to read it in a more free form way ... string lines and making pauses where i wanted to ..it would make your poem without formal lines and groupings ... your thoughts and deep feelings of betrayal and hurt come across in a powerful way .. i feel the heaviness upon me ..so well done says i!
E.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you E! You have got it all too well. Glad you visited.