Bewilderment

just lost..

Time is slipping on the sundial,

taking my life away.

Neither, do I want it to stop,

nor, do I want it to sway.

Let me get down to earth,

maybe, I will live again.

Or let my soul drift free,

passing onto another land...

Author's Note

Constructive criticism is expected.
Thank you for your time.

Reviews

[Cassie]

It is like you spoke my mind, I too am lost. This is good

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Being lost is what makes us find a way out...
Thank you for your kind visit, Cassie! :)

[Gaurav Bhattacharya]

This seems very calm and accepting of what will inevitably happen, though we know not what exactly will happen, only that there is an end or a new beginning whatever way you look at it. Beautiful piece of writing. :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for your beautiful insights, Saurav. Very much appreciated! :)

[Ms. Twitch]

Beautifully written and even though it's unknown as to where; there is no denying the question is always around when it comes to time. Thank you for sharing :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Gloria, for your kind words. It's much appreciated. :)

[Zahra]

Maybe, I will live again
Or let my soul drift free,
Passing onto another land...

This is beautiful and something we all relate with. Though not every line has to begin with a capital, other than that it's well penned

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much for your kind words, Zahra. I tried to rectify the grammar error you pointed out. I always do this same mistake, gonna try keeping a close eye from now on.
Thank you for the kind visit, keep coming! :)

[Edis Radoncic]

Very nice work. In my suggestion for this particular poem I think it will have more emotional layers if you describe the setting. Its good to write where are you at in the poem so it will reflect more what you are trying to say.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Very true. I like being descriptive. It's just that this piece is a describing kind of "lost" phase. When the narrator is not sure of anything... This is way I deliberately left it vague and open for interpretations...
Thank you for your kind suggestion and review, it is much appreciated. :)

[Isabel]

The first line drew me in right away. Your writing style continues to amaze me. Nice work, keep it up!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much, Maria. Your kind words are very much appreciated.

[JayceeC]

I think this is one of my favorite things that you have written. It has such a universal feel and yet a grounded air despite the feelings of disconnect that sit behind it. This is really well done for a short poem. and I really have not criticism at this time for it.
It is simple but with a sophisticated word choice. Well done!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much. Mean a lot to me.
Thank you for the kind visiting.

[sarik]

thats a lovely one....same as you...

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Passing into the unknown... we're all afraid of things, unknown, and undefined...like death. people are not afraid of dying, because they think they must live this life for eternity, but because they've got no clue what happens afterwards.. (no one lived to tell..lol) we know that our bodies will eventually become dust, but what's bothering people, is what happens to their "soul," their "mind " not the hardware, but the software. and the many many fairy tales, that people made up, and chose to believe, and build systems around them, is really not making the questions any easier to answer. so many ideas, theories, texts, opinions, and so on.. people still don't know anything about what "really happens " so they choose a fairy tale, and live by that, hoping for the best, not knowing anything for sure...other than one fact : time works for death, it eventually drags us all to the unknown darkness, where there is no way back.... nicely written.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Woah! Beautiful insights on the subject Danny.
A few years back I used to believe the same, but I guess I have found my answers or maybe in your words a solid theory to believe and live by.
Thank you. :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

We all need answers, whether it be answers we give ourselves, or receive from others. you're welcome :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

I received mine from someone. And I am grateful.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

good for you :)

[Sari Segale]

Almost paralyzed , thinking of your death, from the dark looking for the light, is there at the end, you will
"live again", deep, leaves you thinking...... thank you Jyoti.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for your beautiful insights, Sari. :)