Her Feat

Breathtaking suspense..

Tick-tock, Tick-tock

The clock is ticking

Knock-knock, knock-knock

He is outside my door

Lub-dub, lub-dub,

I hear my heart pounding

Whoosh-whoosh, whoosh-whoosh,

The wind keeps gushing

Thump-thump, thump-thump

The door is about to break

Woo-woo, woo-woo,

The police are coming

Rat-a-tat! Rat-a-tat!

The bullets pierced through me

Bang-bang, bang-bang

My husband still cries at the door

Wuh-uh, ah-uh, wuh-uh

Goodbye my love, I have to go.

Author's Note

Tried something new!
Hope you enjoy this as much as I had while writing it!
Review, rate and share.
Thank you for your time.

Reviews

[Fatema]

this is soo good !!!!!!!!!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you!

[Fatema]

your welcome

[Perkele.7885]

My questions here are not so much about the poem itself but about your judgements and actions after you decided that, hey, we are under a home invasion here.
The door is being broken down so you both go to the door where you get several bullets that pierce through you and your husband is at the door as well. Did he go there to get shot as well? Seems, silly to me! Hide, find another exit, get some kind of a weapon. But, both go to the front to get shot? Not today?
Your sound effects are quite interesting!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

I tried to misled the readers. The woman is committing suicide n her husband is trying to stop her. He knows her intention n hence has already called the police, or the help. He is outside her room. She is at the other side of the door..
Now how does this sounds?

[Perkele.7885]

Now, we have a somewhat more plausible scenario and you sound to me much more credible as a mystery writer. I still think that I might send you to sound effects school, though!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you.
And yeah I might want to join the school, it gave me real pain to come up with sound effects that didn't sound so funny.

[Perkele.7885]

I have to give you points for creative effort in trying to fool your readers. To do the fooling, you need to set up the scam more creatively and in depth to suck them in before lowering the boom on them.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Do you suggest that I should add a few more lines?

[Perkele.7885]

When you write a poem, you have to consider plot development,The more detail orientated or tricky the piece is, the more development you need or better descriptive writing in general. Plot development keeps the reader occupied while you weave the story.

[Bear]

Wow, talk about a powerful ending, I did not see that coming. I loved the way you expressed the sounds, it misled my thinking so you ending jumped up slapped me in the face. Any time you can deliver that kind of impact to your readers you have accomplished greatness. Standing Ovation! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you so much Bear! This is the best compliment! Made my day!

[terry smith]

interesting, using sounds to tell the story!! I like it! :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for the kind review, Terry.

[An owl on the moon]

Your words give such a powerful voice to the rhythm of motion and sound coming alive! Such a unique vision of life and pain and all the shadows that can rise in the dark around us.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for your kind review, Craig!

[An owl on the moon]

Always a joy to see more inspirations from you, Jyoti. :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you again, its great encouragment!