Her Feat

Breathtaking suspense..

Tick-tock, Tick-tock

The clock is ticking

Knock-knock, knock-knock

He is outside my door

Lub-dub, lub-dub,

I hear my heart pounding

Whoosh-whoosh, whoosh-whoosh,

The wind keeps gushing

Thump-thump, thump-thump

The door is about to break

Woo-woo, woo-woo,

The police are coming

Rat-a-tat! Rat-a-tat!

The bullets pierced through me

Bang-bang, bang-bang

My husband still cries at the door

Wuh-uh, ah-uh, wuh-uh

Goodbye my love, I have to go.

Author's Note

Tried something new!
Hope you enjoy this as much as I had while writing it!
Review, rate and share.
Thank you for your time.

Reviews

[Emily]

Love it!
Well done!!
Keep on writing!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you.

[....................]

Everyone is too late, the deed is done...the husband outside the door, the police on the way, the shots and the good-bye...together they lead the reader to a tragic end...this is different for you and i really enjoyed the onomatopoeia :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you so much, Thomas. It was fun trying this new crazy thing.

[....................]

It is always good to keep things fresh as it helps us grow as writers.You are welcome!

[JayceeC]

Great use of onomatopoeia. However, you might want too stagger some of the sound words too be more realistic sounds when read . Like the gun: rat,tat, tat, tat tat! Semi automatics have 5-6 shots only first would sound different. Just a thought.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

You are right. I was jus having fun with the sounds. It was a pain to find realistic once. But I kept whatever I found on first go.
Thank you for your time n review.

[JayceeC]

Exploring makes us better writes. Keep it up.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Indeed. Thank you.

[Stan Lee]

I was a bit confused. Mainly because it wouldn't need bullets plural to commit suicide normally. Having said that I really enjoyed the style and sounds in your poem. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

She was too adamant this time to leave any chance of survival.
Thanks for the honest review, Andrea. Its much appreciated.

[FaeryQueen]

so many emotions in this piece! i love how your words flow like a river running deep!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you so much, Khatoon.

[Arunima]

In a word cool...:):):)....

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you.

[Eliot Knight]

It reminds me of Enid Blyton! but with a darker touch, I for one loved it.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for the kind review.

[AKSHAYAVATA GUPTA]

A BIT LIKE A SONG.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Yes kind of..

[Hakim]

interesting approach. not sure what some of the sounds were but pretty cool poem. Tells a great story.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for the kind review.

[Chirag Kumar]

An interesting format Jyoti. And more importantly, the turn of events in the end was amazing. Excellent.!!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for the kind review.

[Einstein Noodle]

the turn is abrupt and startling for me .. well done ..did not expect the police at all!
E.
ps read your interaction with Perkele and did not interpret this as suicide but knowing that, does lend more credibility .. for me it didn't matter tho .. i was enjoying the levity of the sound effects and expected the lover at the door to be let in or maybe turned away .. instead the bullets flew and death made its pronouncement

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Maybe I ended it a bit too early and abruptly.
But if surprise element still works then I am satisfied.
Do you suggest I should add a few more lines?
Thank you for your review.

[Einstein Noodle]

no! :) ..............

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Okay. Well thank you.