Powerful use of words. You said a handful in so few words. Nice visions create by good description and strong ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote
I read this one earlier, I think yesterday, but set it aside to come back to it and the other two I already reviewed today.
The eyes are mesmerizing, as are your lines of verse that literally speak of that which feels like ugly abuse, depression, and meanness.
I am glad you got this one out of your system … sheesh, Jyoti, your pen got loaded with evil ink!
In your final line, there are two "black" words … maybe, you might consider:
"As black as her midnight eyes." or ebony eyes, or some-such.
Whatever, it may be odd to say, but I love this, and the picture is the perfect choice to set the ambience and mood for the power in your words to come; brilliant work, Dear Poetess … thank you! 〜 Richard
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thank you so much, Richard.
In the wake of suspectgray's and your suggestion I have altered t.. read moreThank you so much, Richard.
In the wake of suspectgray's and your suggestion I have altered the word that seemed repeating.
Glad you liked it!
9 Years Ago
"Sooty" is a strong choice, Jyoti, and I am honored you took my suggestion, but what does "In the wa.. read more"Sooty" is a strong choice, Jyoti, and I am honored you took my suggestion, but what does "In the wake of suspectgray's" mean?
Oh, duh!
Well, I rarely (if ever) read other people's reviews … it feels like eavesdropping.. read moreOh, duh!
Well, I rarely (if ever) read other people's reviews … it feels like eavesdropping or being nosy and prying, but I'll take a peek at theirs. ; )
9 Years Ago
I did find it, but his reason to change it is different from mine … you might keep mindful of usin.. read moreI did find it, but his reason to change it is different from mine … you might keep mindful of using the same word too many times in one poem, especially so close together, but it is great now, thanks to some good advice from your watchful poet buddies, eh?
I like the progression of this poem....each vision echoing in another. I would, however, like to see a word other than "black" to describe her "coal-black" eyes.
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
I will try to imbibe your suggestion. Thank you for the review.
Very powerful and haunting words, that says so much and can be interpreted in so many ways.
Sometimes silence can be unbearable, and deafening. But silence is silence and it shouldn't make sense, but it does to me. :)
I am not usually one that dabbles with the darker side of life anymore, I spent too much time, if you will, uncover, being someone other than myself.
But, your poem is good. Concise and very well written!
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
I myself don't like to dwell in the darker side, but these days this is what comes out.
Thank.. read moreI myself don't like to dwell in the darker side, but these days this is what comes out.
Thank you for your commentary.
Hey! I am Jyoti, have seen 21 winters pass without a trace of snow; (it never snows in the west region of INDIA).
Hope to see it someday..!
Believe in living and loving every moment of life.. Of cou.. more..