The Proposal

The Proposal

The first time I saw you,

You were waiting for someone

Fidgeting your scarf, hair undone

Tapping the foot, really restless

Who was bringing that out of you?

I wanted to know then.

 

A strong wind blew and took my breath away

When your dazzling hair, parted from your face,

The dove like eyes, filled me with awe

And the rose petal lips, that drew in the air

Added to the mesmerizing scene, unfolding there

 

You clutched your scarf to hold it with you

Then tucked your bangs, sighing anew

You kept looking at the watch for who knows what

But each time you did that, my heart skipped a bit

For the inevitable fear that you will fade away with it

 

Just when the anxiety was about to swallow you whole,

The clouds gathered up in the sky and started to pour

I don’t know even now, what it was that day

That was bringing that out of you, letting you sway

Because it lost its significance, when I saw what happened next

 

For me, monsoon was just another season back then

But when it drenched you, it became magical at once

The little droplets made you shimmer in the light

And I saw a charming goddess standing with might

Some spell had bound me there, holding me in trance of purest sight

 

Your furrowed brows smoothed back slowly

Taking the frown and anxiety with it, briskly

Lips twitching and eyes sparkling

You transformed into a giddy child

Who would love to dance in the rain and see the rainbow in the sky

 

That was the moment, I remember now

When I decided to know you, anyhow

You captured and reined my heart from then on

What I would have done in my life, if we haven’t met

Nothing in the world could have instigated the wonders of fate

 

Twenty seven monsoons have passed since that day

I can still glimpse the child in you, happy and gay

Time and age has altered almost nothing in you

Your elegance and charm still ruffle the hues

I have gratefully lived these years under your warmth and grace.

 

All I wish is your soothing presence during my last breathe

For you are the salvation my soul will always seek

So today I dare to ask you a question of life and death

After being my only interest everyday and year on year

Will you walk down the aisle to be my wife, yet again?

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Tried to write something from a different perspective.
This is the result of pure imagination on a rainy day.
Please read, review and rate.
Constructive criticism is expected.
Thank you for your time.

Reviews

[Sage]

You know what? The whole poem had me holding my breath, waiting for the next line. In the end, it took my breath away. As a guy let me tell you, you've done something that every guy wishes to convey but fails to do so. The verses are mesmerizing and uniquely flavoured. I love your flow of words.
Keep the words flowing! :D

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for your kind words! Glad it can had that kinda effect.

[Bear]

Critique: You don't need to break this up into stanzas, it is a good cohesive story and you wouldn't have to fit everything into a four line stanza format. "Who was bringing that out of you?" (your question mark is in the wrong place) I wanted to know then (you also don't need the word THEN at the end of the sentence) "Who was bringing that out of you, I wanted to know" this is more of a mental statement than a question.

Review: Nora Roberts and Sarah MacLean better look out I can see you writing romance novels already. Very sensuous and mentally provocative, just the kind of writing the is needed in the romance writing field. Great job :~)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Nora Roberts is one of my favourite! I am honoured.
Thank you for your helpful critique and kind review.

[Stan Lee]

Wow. You've done a great job! Very different perspective and as always wonderful rhythm and rhyming. Apart from that I agree with Dr.Wood. Please use hair, not hairs :) ... Hair on the head is referred to as hair not hairs. Hairs are strays that need to be plucked :D
Well done. :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Andrea! :)
I changed the word. English is not my first language, so sometimes I commit such blunders thank you for pointing that out again. :)

[Stan Lee]

:) Yes, I'm definitely not disregarding that fact Jyoti. I'm in awe of your bilingual abilities. You've done a great job as always. :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Oh I mentioned it, because I thought you don't know that already.
But thanks a ton!

[Khawaja Musadiq]

Jyoti, this is written beautifully. It took my ♥.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you. I am glad you liked it.

[Khawaja Musadiq]

You're welcome. :))

[zaisham9393]

THis is amazing...I love rain and all I can say is the picture you created with words is so beautiful.
thanks for sharing ;)!!!!!!!!!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you, Zaisha. I am glad you liked it.

[Dr. Wood ?]

the first verse certainly drew me in...Who was bringing that out in you is a GREAT line..I am a little uncomfortable with the plural HAIRS....Hair would be proper, surely..But I am no expert and reviewing poetry can be a minefield...I enjoyed this though....Thanks

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Writing poetry is my passion but taking care of grammar gives me pain. But your suggestion is very much welcome.
Thank you for giving a read and leaving the kind review.

[Valentine]

Many couples I know have repeated their vows on special anniversaries, like the 25th and 50th. Sweet write. Valentine

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for the commentary.

[Robert]

Well judging from your picture and then reading this lovely piece you have written I know this cant be about you, because you mentioned 27 years. However with that said this is a very heart telling piece and although it might not be completely about you I believe it has hints of how you feel in your heart. I think writing from the heart is the best writing one can write and you did it so well in this piece. I hope you find one like you mentioned in this piece.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Indeed its a secret wish perhaps. :)
Thank you so much for the insightful review.

[jeannemarie coulter]

excellent writing that is easy to read and understand...well done...

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you much for your kind words.

[MelissaAndres]

This is so lovely! What a pure, magical, wonderful love between two people who meet by chance and stay together for always and eternity. The world needs more love like this. Very good job!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Indeed. Thank you so much for your kind review.

[MelissaAndres]

You are very welcome!

[....................]

I really enjoyed the sentiment of this piece and the love that clearly is demonstrated from the speaker's point of view...the flashback nature of the piece, leading up to the proposal, was a nice touch, providing the reader with background information...it is also good to see a writer penning from a different perspective, especially one they are not familiar with...i am not sure if you intended to follow a rhyming scheme here and found that your rhyme was more intermittent, and not consistent, but that doesn't matter if there was no intent :)

nicely-done, Jyoti :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you so much, this is very encouraging.
And yes I wanted it to rhyme in the beginning but after scribbling 2 stanzas I forgot to keep track of that. Then going back and changing didn't feel right, so I left it as it was. Thank you again.

[....................]

You are welcome, my friend...:)