ohh man! so good!!!~ i love the senryu quality of this one!!! four lines that say sooooo much about love and sensuality .. very fine stuff!
E.
ps. here is one i did a while back .. you might get a kick out of it .. its a little different take on breezes ;)
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/BorgLackluster/1414734/
Nicely done Yjoti, a well describe piece of causes and effects
when Nature and Humans engaged,,, natural actions and
reactions.is what usually happens next.. very cool Thanks.
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thank you E G Ten, for your kind review.
P.S.: Its Jyoti, by the way. :)
Insightful and provocative, I can only imagine where this would go if you developed it into the whole story rather than just this glimpse (hint, hint, hint) let me know if you do I would love to read it as well :~)
It seems that they are both excited by the reactions to the others body by gentle touches! Breezes and light
rain just might be similar enough to be comparable.
Line # 4 ) I think that the word rain needs to be preceded by the word "the"
The poem has a very pre-sexuality to it that is refreshing!
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Yes you got that right.
Thank you for the suggestion and the thoughtful review.
Hey! I am Jyoti, have seen 21 winters pass without a trace of snow; (it never snows in the west region of INDIA).
Hope to see it someday..!
Believe in living and loving every moment of life.. Of cou.. more..