My first attempt in poetry..
I saw a pet parrot at a friends place living in cage.. And suddenly the similarity of the condition of our competitive lives stuck me... So I ended up with this..!
Honest review will greatly help..! Thank you for your time..!
My Review
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WoW!!!
this is beautiful...........
life is not a bowl of candy.......we all eventually discover that truth.........
love and close ones..........family.........does ease our pain........make it all worth it.....
courage and self confidence...........making it a goal to move forward.........keeps us going.......till its all good in the end.........
faith in god keeps us disciplined........
So powerfully beautiful and bittersweet... these longings to be free... for light and life, though contained within a world of bars... May you find your song even in the cage, and sing so that your soul is always found in the most extravagant freedom. Wondrous words.
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thank you for your exquisite review! I am happy that you felt it!
Your first what!!??? Unbelievable!! Its a really great piece, I like the way you address a varied form of life issues and all from "a moment a birds cage", also the last stanza brilliantly paints the one place we are to seek true liberty, and that is from God.
Enjoyed it!!
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thank you so much Kunda for your insightful review. It means a lot to me!
I'm VERY impressed that this was a first attempt in poetry for you, well done honestly! I was expecting something cute about waking up early and then I got this. Nicely done, I love it :)
Stars are veiling their prime shine,
Clock adherently has long past nine,
The darkness capers and fights,
Bars hold me and I can’t take flight.
...Beautiful fountain of emotions touching the right chord. One can feel the plight of the bird in your words. The best feeling is to be free and the worst is to be bounded into any cage whether of metallic bars or the invisible ones that we create around. Well your first attempt deserves to be followed by many more....keep it up.
Keep inspiring the world with words.
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
I am glad that it served its purpose..
Thank you so much for your kind words..!
You did very well with this poem. Took reader to place of prison and need of escape.
"Heaving and weeping all I pray,
That god takes me under thy ray,
Perhaps, then I will have liberty,
To glide and fly till eternity!"
I like the lines above. They feel like a prayer for freedom. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry. I liked it.
Coyote
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Yes, a prayer for salvation and life..
Thank you for the encouraging review. It means a lot t.. read moreYes, a prayer for salvation and life..
Thank you for the encouraging review. It means a lot to me.
WoW!!!
this is beautiful...........
life is not a bowl of candy.......we all eventually discover that truth.........
love and close ones..........family.........does ease our pain........make it all worth it.....
courage and self confidence...........making it a goal to move forward.........keeps us going.......till its all good in the end.........
faith in god keeps us disciplined........
Hey! I am Jyoti, have seen 21 winters pass without a trace of snow; (it never snows in the west region of INDIA).
Hope to see it someday..!
Believe in living and loving every moment of life.. Of cou.. more..