The Morning Bird

the struggle for freedom, helplessness and sinking hope...

I am a morning bird locked in a cage,

Left alone to mourn in my rage,

Like a bud I want to bloom,

But the bars hold me in the gloom.

I hear the thundering outside the window,

Terrors rise in me and I start to sow,

Still I want to be out with my mother,

Nothing in the world would then be a bother.

Thence I will be gay and free,

Soaring over the meadow and the sea,

Alas! This dream will never come true,

I will rot here till my last days are due.

The sky is now crying and roaring,

Rueful sun is tardily passing,

Darkness is lurking near to sly,

But I still feel the urge and want to fly.

Stars are veiling their prime shine,

Clock adherently has long past nine,

The darkness capers and fights,

Bars hold me and I can’t take flight.

I beat my wings on the iron bars,

Tethered in this place with unseen mar,

I want to be free and out with my clan,

But the vantage always fails my plan.

Heaving and weeping all I pray,

That god takes me under thy ray,

Perhaps, then I will have liberty,

To glide and fly till eternity!

Author's Note

My first attempt in poetry..
I saw a pet parrot at a friends place living in cage.. And suddenly the similarity of the condition of our competitive lives stuck me... So I ended up with this..!
Honest review will greatly help..! Thank you for your time..!

Reviews

[Pushkar Prabhat]

WoW!!!
this is beautiful...........
life is not a bowl of candy.......we all eventually discover that truth.........
love and close ones..........family.........does ease our pain........make it all worth it.....
courage and self confidence...........making it a goal to move forward.........keeps us going.......till its all good in the end.........
faith in god keeps us disciplined........

very well written......
i really liked it!!!
:)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

True..!
I am glad that you liked it Mr. Prabhat.

[Pushkar Prabhat]

you are welcome Ms Jyoti.............. :) :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

responding on the read request.........this is still awesome!!! :) :)

[Einstein Noodle]

so elusive to "struggle for freedom" as you say ...but the efforts are rewarded for those who can be brutally honest ... i think it is very ambitious for anyone to attempt rhyme and rhythm ..there are so many things one has a tendency to do that weaken a poem .. as English is a second language for you i have all the more respect ;) your poem reminds me of my youth ...and all the struggles to "be free" ..i would not want to be young again ... noooooooooo not me! there is so much on your plate .. more today than ever .. love and peace Jyoti!
E.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you E! This is a special poem for it is my first. Glad you visited and related as well.

[Gaurav Bhattacharya]

That's a very great poem. The rhyming was perfect!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much! Glad you liked it!

[CA Anurag Sharma]

Brilliant write... you have so very well described and compared the two lives.....this is strong....

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much, Mr. Anurag. I am honoured.

[Eliot Knight]

For a first attempt at poetry, this is a remarkable piece. Definitely gets the message across, and the metaphor works perfectly. My one advice would be to read your poems out loud to yourself and possibly another person (not necessary) but it helps to right the rhythm etc. As always, it's a pleasure reading your work.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for the kind advice.
Pleasure is all mine :)

[Dead]

This is really beautiful and you really captured the emotion. Well done.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you!

[Insight "MH"]

I think this is your best of what i have read. The feel in this poem was amazing. I felt the birds emotions in me. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful piece of art.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you so much for your kind review. It is much appreciated!

[ImRan kabir]

Nicely defined it ......you have poetic ink in your pen.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you!

[ImRan kabir]

do you write hindi poetry also.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Never tried.

[Richard🖌]

Dear Jyoti,
For your first effort at poetry, this is truly amazing.
Your mind, heart, and soul have come alive, joining hands to dance and whirl all through and amongst the magic of the poignantly moving emotions and feelings you've so deftly stroked with your poetic brush onto the canvas our minds.
I love how you've metaphorically become the bird to express your own feelings and emotions … simply brilliant.
Technically, your Quatrains have a few meter, syllable count, punctuation, capitalization, word arrangement/expression, spacing, and flow issues that throw the feel and character off-balance, but can easily be addressed and corrected, making this a virtual masterpiece … if you've a mind to.

Whatever, I love it … thanks a million for sharing, Jyoti! 〜 Richard

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you so much Richard. Your review is encouraging and I will definitely try to be more technically sound from the next time.
Thanks for the kind words.

[Richard🖌]

You are most welcome, Jyoti … why not put forth the effort to make this one what it deserves to be?
If you want to and need help, let me know.

[alifeacoustic]

Tragic. I often wonder if the people that keep birds in cages consider themselves animal lovers. It seem so against nature to me. Wonderfully written, full of the futility of the birds situation and the hope that one day, it shall rise.
Thank you for sharing.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for your kind review.

[Chris_booty]

Nice job I like the comparison connection you made

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you.