THE DEADLY SCALE

A woman's relationship with her scale comes to an end

"Hello, my name is Jay. I have one of your scales and it's laughing at me". "Laughing", the customer service rep said. "Yes" I said through my teeth "Laughing. I got on the scale and the digits went wild and then it started to laugh. The customer rep was quite for a second. " I do not mean to be rude, but how much do you weigh. There is a certain limit and..... "What do you mean how much I weigh? I brought the freaking scale because I don't know how much I weigh. After shouting at the customer rep I  hung up the phone.  I walked around and around and around and around the scale. Shouting at the scale and begging "Why must you do this to me, it's been five years. Five years that I weigh myself every freaking day and the damn numbers never get any better, but now suddenly you're laughing at me and the numbers are spinning like a freaking slot machine. WTF!  I loved you my scale, even when you gave me the worst numbers in the world, but now you must be destroyed. I picked up the scale and flung it out the window, nearly hitting the neighbor’s dog when my daughter walks in. Satisfied I throw myself on the bed. "What ya doing mom?" Well I said goodbye to my old friend, Seymour. "Seymour the scale?" My daughter walks over and sits on the bed "MOM what did you do?"." I threw him out the window" I said with a devilish laugh. Staring at me in disbelief, my daughter slaps her mouth "MOM are you crazy, why you go and do that?". "Because Seymour disrespected me. After all the years that I changed it's battery, I clean it's surface and played footsy with it, Seymour decides to laugh at me. My daughter got up and backed away from me "Mom don't get mad at me but I rigged your scale". " YOU WHAT", I screamed. " I rigged it with a laughing gadget and.....". I jumped off the bed and look out at the window, my poor Seymour was laying on the ground in pieces! I heard my daughter saying "AND I removed the batteries, it was just a joke mom, I swear". The next thing I knew I was screaming and running out of my room, nearly knocking my daughter to the floor. "Seymour”, “Seymour", I yelled as I ran down the porch steps.  I reached Seymour and he laid there, lifeless and then I heard a sound that brought chills up and down my spine it was Seymour, laughing almost choking.  I dropped to my knees grabbed a nearby brick and finished Seymour off. He'll laugh no more. I got up from the ground, and started doing some laughing of my own, satisfied that I ended our relationship.

 

 

Author's Note

I really do hate scales! LOL

Reviews

[Linda Stinson]

This certainly has originality. At times my scales say WTF to me and I laugh at it saying "ain't gonna happen." I am compelled to say that I don't believe a relationship between a person and their scales ever really end. Even if you have your own you will two time with another just to see if it's better. I'm the type that put big orange traffic cones around mine to avoid it, but it still draws me in.

Apparently these two had a personal relationship of their own, a rather long one too. You could tell it was hard to let go. Crazy but good work.

[Sarah]

LOL I don't even know where to begin with this. Very over-the-top and dramatic, despite the ridiculous plotline. xD Definitely creative and fun to read. =)

[Jay Randall]

I felt like I was reading something from Shel Silverstein for a while. I think it's very funny even though I'm not sure if there's a point to it. Then again, does there NEED to be a point to it? Prolly not...well done though!

[Chelle]

This story is fantastic, I never expected the laughing gadget and thought there was truly a malfunction with the scale. How hilarious... nice work!