Diary of the mad

White room
Eight fifty two
Hate here looms
Follows you

First day
It is near
Can’t stay
Developing fear

He is here
All around
Demon seer
Can’t be found

White room
Seven twenty three
Death so soon
No not for me

They came today
It got cleaned
They went away
My markings seen

Little boy stalks
I can see
He goes for long walks
Around about me

White room
Five eleven
I seen moon
His age is seven

Screaming
Drowning in mud
Him seeming
To be my blood
 
White room
Two zero one
Light tomb
Soothe say fun

White room
zero ten
Take his boon
Ending sin

Room
zero

Author's Note

Okay well, i've been getting alot of confused thoughts on this poem so i'll state the point. If a man, already crazy, was locked in a all white room for a long time, would a diary by this man make anything but vague confusion? =) i'm glad it's doing so well though.

Reviews

[alesuriko]

Interesting notion. I really liked the way you described this poem. The time and the white room always being repeated... wonderful job. The description is both vivid and vague. I love that it's not supposed to make sense to the reader, it isn't sense technically, but it does make sense to the speaker and you can feel that in this poem. It could use a little tweaking but it has wonderful potential. Well done.

[deeps]

Hey This is very well written and thought out.
I like this write alot.

[Sharkapillar]

I love it. It's so....indescribably amazing. The idea behind it all, the hysteria behind every word, it's fantastic. Great job. ♥

[AliceIsIn]

pretty shnazzy I might say.

[Rawr!!XD]

This is good, it has some serious potential. I agree with all of the other writers who've reviewed this so far. Here's something that hasn't been said yet:
I can get the meaning, the guy locked in a white room for a long time rambling on and on in his diary. He's already crazy so anything he's going to say won't really make much sense, but the vague confusion helps the reader see just how crazy and out of his mind the crazy man is. I really enjoyed this.
Sorry for the long review, I'm hyper and I tend to say/write a lot when I'm hyper.

[Kanattas Atir Enomo]

this was an ok poem. i also believe that the meaning is unclear. i don't quite get wat ur trying to convey, but then again, its called diary of the mad. the rhyming was good, but you could work on making it flow a bit better. i got into the rhythm at the beginning but during certain stanzas, the rhythm changed and that threw me off. try keeping things a bit more consistent and ur writing will be loads better.

[Lucy Joan]

This has potential. The rhyme is pretty smooth, but the meaning is a bit obscure. And I can tell you put a lot of symbolism in the poem :D with the backward time thing.. Not bad :)

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I liked this. It was a good poem. Thanks for sharing. :)