The Mirror Effect

The road we travel is obvious to everyone but ourselves.

[Life]

I

A man with no shoes

walks by with a limp.

His arms -

covered

in tattoos

and scars -

are lethargic

by choice.

The biting

winter sun

delivers respite

from late December

northerlies.

He reeks of Franzia.

Redolent, it shadows

him, haunts

him like what he drinks

to forget.

His unkempt white beard

is stained yellow

around the mouth

from years of cigarettes

and no-shave Novembers.

He dons a jacket

- faded glory -

that is two sizes too small

and his pants stay together

like a couple for their kids.

Too proud to join

the Salvation Army

on Christmas Eve,

he finds his bench,

lies down

and survives

one

more

night.

II

A man in a suit

drives home in an Audi.

His collar

is stained

with cheap lipstick

and Chateau Lagrange

from last night's

late night meetings.

Angie, his wife,

waits anxiously

at the door

of their four bedroom,

three and a half bath

Victorian.

Her eyes -

still puffy

and red -

fixated up Swann St.

She is not blinking

and barely breathing.

The kids

have been sent to Grandma's

for the night.

They watch TV -

SpongeBob SquarePants.

The Audi

drives by a man on a bench

He looks asleep -

possibly dead.

The suit inside thinks to himself:

“That poor man.”

Author's Note

I'm sorry I keep changing this thing! haha. I am really never satisfied with a poem. :) What do you think of it now?

Reviews

[What happened to simple..]

I'm glad I stumbled upon this =) so very glad! Such a sweet flow you got going on there, every word meant so much, and the 'suit' at the end is genius, though I would have loved it if the S were capitalised =P

but such great irony, sarcasm, really fab =) xx

[Jenifer]

You've managed to accomplish several levels of things in just two phases. It is obvious to me that you like a good puzzle, and you've crafted this one well. The satire laced into each stanza is both thought-provoking and tragic -- giving it a theatrical, comedic flavor. I can also tell you are versed with formal metrics by the way this one flows. Can't wait to check out more of your work.

[Norma M Sutton]

I think you capture the similarities between the two well.

[Emunah June.]

Wow. This was powerful, moving, and an all-together great read. I enjoyed this thoroughly.

[Coyote Poetry]

When the world is blinded to the poor and the desperate. We have surpass a bad point. The two stories are different. In a world of self esteem and looking away from the suffering. We need to change directions. The second part of the poem told a different story. Men who waste family and the basic needs of a wife. Will find their misery one day too. I like how you combine the two stories together. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Light]

this is fantastic. some of the imagery in this is amazing! i absolutely loved this poem! how much did Nickelodeon have to pay to get a plug..jk...this was a fantastic write! very very good!

[InkSlinger]

Looks like everyone else beat me to making all the "great" comments.. so I will simple have to agree.. indeed a SUPER write..

[Inkcognito]

I enjoyed this...the contrasting stories of 2 'poor men' (for both their stories really are quite sad)
You managed conjure vivid images in the reader's mind
(maybe man #2 has cheap lipstick on his collar and expensive vodka on his breath?...)

[.]

Love it! The contrast of two lives crossing paths = the way you used the vodka, kids etc to link the two pieces together is brilliant..I am really impressed!

[Jordan]

I dig it. It's like the main thing you're trying to say is that cheap vodka is so awesome that both the poor and rich enjoy drinking it. (or maybe not.) It was nice nonetheless.

[C.]

Part II was a nice contrast. I liked Part I already when I read it as "A Man With No Shoes". The end seems a bit predictable, albeit touching. A few of your lines were great--I really liked the use of "Audi". I also wrote "vestigial" down in my word journal. Excellent choice. Overall a very well-crafted poem. I enjoyed it. Think I liked Part I better than Part II--but that's probably only because I'm not a fan of moralizing.