Dusk/Dawn

Two poems written in Haiku form without the true haiku spirit...

Dusk

Light's last cling to life
As the Earth engulfs the Sun.
Night shall soon begin.

Dawn

Darkness is deepest
Just before the break of light
Pierces through the night.

Author's Note

Two Haiku, kinda. They are in the right form, but not really the right style. Oh well. haha. What do you think?

Reviews

[C.]

Like the format, divvying it up into two segments. I get the feeling it needs a little more significance, though... something beyond just the descriptions of Nature. Maybe there could be something symbolic thrown in? Loved the short lines and smaller word-choice, though. Very much my style.

[Ashley]

Whoa, I love the way they flow and promote such imagery. 100/100

[cassandra violet]

I like how you present them together, their contrast compliments one another. We see dusk as the end, the bad, the negative and the dawn is the beginning, the positive and the good.

[Joshua Smit]

awesum!
i love the mirror effect

[Wondering Mind]

Twins that never meet at the same place, at the same time. Nicely done

[Dani]

Ah, well. There's no point in fussing over the style when I could be enjoying the lovely piece before me. It's your style.
I really like how both haikus seem to compliment/balance each other. It doesn't matter which you read first, both creat a sense of endlessness when read together, but when read separately, the power of Dawn/Dusk is more easily recognized. Two different experiences with the same set of writing. It's cool :)
Thank you for sharing this.

[.]

. wow ... both pieces are beautifully written ...

[justice]

it is very true, the lines should not rhyme... I didn't even notice that... oops. haha.

[.]

empasses the spirit of Haiku..I don't think they should rhyme though..lovely images given..

[Light]

Two perfectly written haiku's juxtaposed against one another. The Earth engulfing the Sun and the light piercing the darkness. Both wonderfully written. Great write; simple, beautiful, and sweet! Well done!