no title

just writing a dream I had about my dad who died from an over dose on drugs excuse my spelling just more along the lines of venting and telling a story about my life

I see you,

When I close my eyes

I see you

When I am wide awake

I see you

But how do I see you?

Do I see you driving me home?

Do I see you sitting in your chair watching golf?

Do I see you talking to to your friends at work?

Do I hear you anymore?

Do I hear you telling me that I am street smart?

Do I hear you praying to the heavens above?

I do not hear you, I hear voices telling me you are gone.

I hear voices saying that I should prepare my self for you leaving me

I hear voices in my mind screaming at me that I did not do enough to help you.

I see you sitting home alone struggling to numb the pain you are in

I see you lying face down on the floor, bleeding on to the white carpet in your home

Dead

Cold

Alone

You try to pull the trigger of the gun that taunts you sitting on the table

But you cant

You are hurting

You reach out for help

You reach out for help

You are close to breaking

You are close to the end

You cant take the hurt anymore

Instead of taking the hurt

You take the pills

1

2

3

4

"Its not enough, I need more"

5

6

7

"Follow the light to heaven"

8

9

10

"Its almost over, this is the end"

Something stops you, a noise at the door

You go to answer it

And when you stand up

You drop to the floor

Someone came for you

But it was to late

I see you now dead on the floor

I see you laying on the table at the funeral home

On the table you lay, stitched up from where they cut you 

Hands folded, legs together

A crisp sheet, white as a feather of a dove

Underneath you lay there cold

Eyes open 

Everyone in the other room quite as ca be with nothing to be told

I am alone to see you one last time

Time for me to say my final goodbye

I take a breath and let out a sigh 

Before I see you, the assistant says "are you sure"

I shake my head, an unsure yes

She removes the sheet 

There you are

Exposed and unfamiliar

Eyes open

Mouth Open

Skin sinking in around your skull

Skin red and burnt

To much for me to handle

I scream and run out

Who was that? I thought

That cant me the man I call daddy

The man who was addicted to drugs

The man who stayed away from me thinking it was him doing me a favor

The man who would drink and drive with me in the car

The man no one really knew or understood

The man who let his demons get the best of him

He died

He died alone

He died with fear in his mind and heart

He could not fight his demons

His demons broke him apart

Life lost to soon

Daughter lost her father

Two boys lost their grandfather

Heaven gained an Angel

R.I.P Dad 

1.22.19