The Perfect Tan

Inspired by a friend. The last line is not my own, but it fit nicely.

The Perfect Tan

 

 

The day was hot, the sun shining down

The still in the air enough to make your head spin around

 

The beach was sparse, not many nearby

So no one to look at, no one to catch his eye

 

But then in the distance, a figure came closer

A girl! he exclaimed, as he about fell over.

 

Her skin as bronze as  the perfect statue metal

Her time in the sun, must rival a flower petal.

 

No evidence of a line in her tan to be seen

No splotches, no speckles, no streaks at her knee

 

Just the perfect tan!  He whispered in glee.

I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave!

Reviews

[Luna Evangeline]

Cute. I wish I could tan :( Wish I could go to the beach as well. I'm visiting California soon, soooo.... :) Anyway. You've got great rhythm, and you're skilled with rhyme. Short and simple. :) I'm not good at writing refined poetry but I enjoy reading it. Thanks for sharing dear.. :)

Much love,
.:*:.Amor.:*:.

[Justaguy]

Thank you! I am far from refined...lol. But I do subscribe to the KISS theory!

[Luna Evangeline]

Keep it Simple, Stupid :D

[Justaguy]

Exactly right!

[SquinklaPsyOps]

I like the poem, could see a movie of it as I read it and your words bounced in my head. Maybe the girl drank carrot juice before getting a sun tan.

[Justaguy]

Maybe, but then that would take away from the premise of something done perfectly...lol

[eglantine]

I think you meant "her" for "He skin as bronze as" Haha, man, I'm so jealous of girls like that; I'm so pale.

[Justaguy]

You are right!...lol. Nice catch

[Tina]

HA! Great simple little poem :D
There was a misspelled word, you wrote "He" instead of "Her" in the first sentence of the fourth stanza. Other than that this is perfect (:

[Justaguy]

Nope. That is supposed to be him saying that...lol. Thank you for checking it out!

[Tina]

oh i see oh i see now! but it needs a comma lol xD
sorry to be a grammar nazi its just something i do but i really did like the poem

[Justaguy]

Its all good Tina. I don't mind the check up!...lol

[Justaguy]

Turns out you were right afterall...LMAO

[Tina]

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay :D
lol cool

[Coyote Poetry]

A beach can be a good place. Visions of beauty are for us to enjoy. I enjoy the place and thoughts. Thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Such a sweet flirty poem... who wouldn't enjoy a perfect tan?! ;D
This is a breezy fun piece to read, a nice flow of rhythm and rhyme...

Well done! :)

[Justaguy]

Thank you!

[Robbie~xoxo~]

my pleasure! :))