Horizon

When you look at the horizon, what do you see?

I see dark clouds, a storm approaching. It is so large, and so overwhelming. I am sure that if I was any closer to the dark clouds, I would not be able to take my eyes off it, but it is far enough away from my now to bear any meaning to me. The storm may die down before it reaches, me, it probobally will. But, it is so large, so gargantuan, that it strikes an unpleasant feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

I need to live my life. It is not like I could stop such a storm, anyways - it would take thousands to do something like that. One person would not make a difference. The millions, thousands, around me, at least the ones who see the storm, anyways, make the same desicion. Our eyes glaze over, and we look away. Work, school, responsibilities to be done at the given moment. They are enough to tire us, so that by the end of the day, all we want to do is sleep. And when our eyes are distracted, glazed over, unseeing, or closed, it is so easy to ignore to coming storm and remain coated in ignorance, bliss.

One day I get curious. I look a the horizon. Just for a second, a fleeting glance to see if the storm is gone. It sure as hell is not. It is almost 360 degrees around me now. There is no escape. I am practically in the heart of the storm, though it has not closed in on me yet. I had known it was bad, I had known it was starting, the storm. I heard that some of us are already starting to feel the efffects. I feel the effects now. I didn't before, but god do I feel them now.  A pit, at the bottom of my stomach, bottomless, and it makes me collapse in on myself. Hopelessness and a blacking out of ones future and dreams is painfull. I feel like a black hole as I stare, mouth gaping. I think my eyes are moist. I don't bother to check.

 I knew this the whole time about the horrible-ness of the situation, I just only blocked it out. I always block it out. The storm has been upon us this whole time, we just never bothered to check.

I need to work on defenses. Open the eyes of those who are distracted or who cannot see. 

But, but. I cannot. Situation holds be back. I am just one, only one, and I am young. The youth who get out are ones who somehow find a stage and a microphone and who are brave enough to stand out. I am not that. I cannot risk, cannot risk, everything, to the hopelessness of this void. I cannot devote my life to a cause that is so empty, has so much space to fill, and lose freinds, and make enemies. I am not ready to be smeared and pushed around for trying to help with the cause. I am not yet ready to be a leader. This relization stings. I hurts so hard I actually flinch. I wasn't expecting that, but I guess it makes sense. A coward, I am. Am I selfish? For protecting myself from activism because I beleive it is a lost cause? Am I just the reason the cause is lost? I swallow my guilt, and focus on the things I can actually change, my own personal path, and as I pick up my bearings and make empty plans for a life ahead, I wonder just how horrible my future will turn out. 

When you look at your horizon, what do you see? I still see the storm, sometimes, but it makes me cry, and it never drives me to do much good anyways, so I don't look often. Perhaps you are driven to attempt to change. Mabye you had the guts to join the fight. I congragulate you, for being strong. I hope, that for people unlike me, that they succeed, how fleeting the chance seems. I that people, one day, can think of a future that is not stained in oil and blood.

Author's Note

I have never written a poem before in my life. I probably didn't format it right. I know I didn't format it right, I just wrote it how I thought it felt. Please tell me how to fix the format, if I need to.

Also, does anybody know what the storm on the horizon is meant to represent?