Conflicted

I wrote this during a time in a strained relationship.

I'm conflicted.

I look down into the blissful eternity below, and I wonder,

what would I find at the bottom?

Would I escape from this world that pushed me away,

the one I tried so hard to be a part of,

or would it shackle me, forcing me to remain here forever more?

Sometimes I want to find out, because maybe,

there's peace for me on the other side.

But I can't rest yet.

I can't rest because there's someone I still care for,

whether they still care back or not,

because that person took my hand and showed me.

They showed me the comfort I needed,

and the trust I believed in.

They showed me the love I never had,

and the happiness I forgot.

I'm still doing this, because if I wasn't,

I would be betraying that person.

That person who gave so much to show me that someone,

someone really special, cared.

I can't give up because that would mean giving up on that person.

And to that person, I'm sorry for how I've been,

and the pain I've caused,

and the struggle I've had.

I struggled to find words, or to speak,

and said things that don't make sense,

or things that tore us apart.

I've found those words now,

and I want that person to hear them.

And that person is you.

Author's Note

I hope this poem is fine, please give me feedback on how I could improve it and future poems.