A Beautiful Place

-It was a beautiful place
-Where war didn't exist
-But instead, peace
-where hate was replaced with love
-And natures songs were constantly being sung
-Wind tickled the toes of leaves
-Causing them to dance,
-While holding hands with their trees
-Oceans hummed their favorite hymns
-And their greeting waves formed into joyful claps,
-As they introduced themselves to shy, and quiet sands
-This was a beautiful, perfect place
-The sun casually trotted across the waters,
-Until she smiled upon the ground
-Then, looked into my eyes
-As a quick gust of air swept through them,
-Blades of grass all pointed and whispered to me
-What followed was an aroma of harmony
-A scent like no other,
-It was a beautiful place,
-But it was only a dream

Reviews

[miji]

This poem certainly has lots of potential, and I really like the idea behind it. There are some lovely lines which create some beautiful imagery. I think the thing you need to work is structure of your poem. There is no 'flow' or 'rhythm' between the words and lines, which stops it from being an amazing poem. I think reading more poetry will help with this, as well as reading your poems out loud to see how they sound.
But you certainly have lots of potential, just keep reading and writing :) Hope that helped!

[Just Simple Sounds]

Thank you. It may be due to the fact that up till now I've never read poetry, nor have I ever learned the mutliple styles of writing or to structure poems. I will definitely start reading more and listening to audio clips to learn how to structure my poems and make them flow smoothly. Again, thank you