Brave

Brave

 

A flame of rebellion scorches the ground,

As bullets are shot, flying across the smoky skies,

Rivers crash, the wind blows,

I creep away, on tiptoe,

 A war breaks out in every footstep I take,

Until I walk in a path of destruction,

The shadows of my own are no longer company,

But the villains of my haunting dreams.

I have ran and I have fled; There's no way

To rid myself of the feeling of dread.

A narrow tunnel, stretched miles long,

Is my only escape to a world of unknown.

I put faith on the light, milleniums away.

A sight of pure hope, that brightens my day.

I look straight to the end,

For I know this is my only way.

I embrace my abounding fear,

I will be brave.

Author's Note

Please review :)
Edits from Bella Catten of "The Perfect Review" Group

Reviews

[Foxemerald]

There is a sense of innocence adorning this piece that enhances its talent, and its charming qualities. The words are a wine or a fine vinyl that speaks to our emotions, and its driving humanistic quality is excellent. It is a beautiful poem with a lot of substance.

[Anna]

Thank you so much for this review!

[SwagMaster]

OVERALL: I love the way you depict the war at the beginning, like 'flames of rebellion scorch the ground'. That's my favorite one, but the the two lines about the shadows are a close second. The interesting part about this poem is that I got the feeling that you're trying to say that when you've done or experienced something terrible (a path of destruction), their shadows of the future and past will always frighten you. Then you say that your only escape to 'a world unknown' is a narrow tunnel, and you decide to put faith into the end of the tunnel, even though you have no idea what it is. You end with saying that you will be brave, and that is probably the biggest point in the poem that's up for major interpretation. I see it as you're going to stop fearing the past or future, with this resolution that you will hope-no, believe that the end of the tunnel will bring you happiness. Probably the best thing about this poem is that no matter who reads it, they will connect to it, because it's just one of those poems. They will interpret it to something that will be a source of comfort or encouragement to them. This is what makes great poetry.

MISTAKES: Only one spelling/word mistake, in line 9, where I think you meant to put 'have' instead of 'had'. I would also change, "I creep away, on tiptoe. A war breaks out in every footstep taken, Until I walk in a path of destruction," to "I creep away, on tiptoe, and A war breaks out in every footstep I take. Until I walk in a path of destruction,". The poem also says "I have ran, and I have fled, There's no way" but I would change it to "I have run and I have fled; There's no way". And I would put commas in these parts: 'scorches the ground,' - 'creep away, on tiptoe, and' - 'A narrow tunnel, stretched' . I would also look at the last six lines; they are a little shaky.

I am the head and creator of "The Perfect Review" group, and this is a free sample review. Come and check us out!

[Anna]

Thank you for this- I really appreciate it. I will look into the mistakes now, and change what I can. I would love if you look back on this poem, and see the changes made!

[The Invisible Girl]

Another great poem! Nice write! 100/100 :-)

[Anna]

Thanks :)

[Phillitup]

This is a really interesting piece. I love the feeling that it gives off and the fact that the main character gives in to the predicament. Nicely and eloquently penned.
Best regards,
Dell

This is a sample review from the Perfect Review group

[Phillitup]

Oh, and I didn't notice anything grammatically or spelling wise that was incorrect.

[SwagMaster]

Dell, these need to be longer. Look at my review. That is what they should all look like.

[Phillitup]

yes,yes. Will do. I apologize.

[Anna]

I appreciate the comment, thank you :)

[Felicity's Eve]

I can really feel the sense of hope and perseverance in this. :)

Totally amazing!

[Anna]

Haha thank you :)

[Felicity's Eve]

:)

[teardrop]

such an hopeful read, enjoyed

[Anna]

thank you so much :)