Obsession 5.2.1

You can tell me the truth,
I can show you the world.


You can tell me lies,
and I'll believe them.


Only a kiss can heal
the deep wound left behind.


Like sand in an hourglass,
forever out time shall move.


Can only wind direct the sail
I call my life?
Can olny wind move what
hate cannot?
Mountains stand tall,
Strong gales can not break trough
Rushing rivers can not divide
Nor can hells blaze burn.


This is life
This is fear
This is truth
This is lies
Only you, forever...

Author's Note

hehe ignore any grammers probs

Reviews

[DaniElle LaPointe]

Just note whe your writing is free form and people will ignore grammar and such. Your submission does have typo's but you can catch those when you have a moment... Other than that it has flow. You may want to try being more risky, give your feelings a stronger voice... Other than that! Welcome to the Cafe! We try to support each other in creative and encouraging ways!

[Chahklat]

Obsession -
i think it fits.
To so calmly give your
life to someone, to declare and promise
away everything you own, to submit to being
a fool, it has to be an obsession.

[Justin Tobey]

This isn't bad! I really liked the lines "Like sand in an hourglass, Forever out time shall move." I think it's interesting that you described time as moving "out" instead of "forward" like most people. Along with the sand simile, this created some really good imagery. There are some grammar problems but you can change those whenever. Good job! Welcome to the Cafe!

[Sarah]

The first two lines were lovely, I enjoyed them a lot. Very pretty. Also the line "Can only wind move what / hate can not?" You have some very nice imagery in here & this definitely has potential with a little editing! ^___^ Good job & keep writing!