Vanilla Taste

Swathe me in shackles
Seize my fame
Be driven savage
With the scent of my flame

Reveal my tenderness
With strength and pain
This isn't abuse
Just a noble act

I'll sport cupid's mark
In a freakish fashion
Other lovers differ
But I know this passion

Regret nothing

Fear nothing
Let me takes its place

In the sweet taste of nectar

Or the vanilla flame

 

Stricken, Driven mad
Like the hound in heat
Force your fall
To your hands and knees

Crazed over possesion of me

Wanting a never land of your own

With my sweet taste of vanilla

Disconnected lover
Give me some grease
Give me words

Give you taste

You think " what a  waste"

A precious vanilla taste

Slather me with skin
In feverish frenzy
You'll savor a flavor
Where vanilla's obscene

 

Author's Note

Tell me what i should add or take out
or just simply comment
enjoy

Reviews

[karmic]

I agree with Nicole, this is something that doesn’t need to change. Scented with passion and favored with beauty. This truly is a great piece.

[N.E.T.]

I think this is great the way it is! Rather than make any edits, I might add a line break or two, but it's hard to say because the rythm is good already. Full of abstract passion and in all the right places. I also agree that the rythm does fluctuate in some places because of the rhyming start but I think the flow picks right up again and it doesn't hurt the piece too much in my opinion.

[Alessander]

I really really like the first stanza - you use parallel structure, specifically, the first words are verbs swathe/seize/be and it really gets the poem agressively going.

You kinda keep a rhyme structure, but it gets a bit looser, and I'm iffy on how I feel about it. A part of me wants u to stick to the initial abcb but then another part thinks that would be too formal/rigid for this content.

However, I would like u to stick to "true" rhymes like u did in that first intial surge of inspiration. So "Place"/"Fame" are near rhymes, which like near-beer, isnt as good lol I would esp like u at least to end it with strong rhyme, tho I appreciate the inner jingling of savor/flavor and the off rhyme of "obscene/skin".

I like the "to your hands and knees" - dunno, S&M - ish:) didn't know u were a dominatrix! lol

K - message me if u want more of my B.S....