Remembering

About a girl who goes to a cemetery weekly.

An 18 year old girl,
Slowly walked through the cemetery,
Pausing at each gravestone,
Lowering her head and saying a prayer,
She sets a flower down on each,
Just to show her care,
It is a lessons she can teach,
About love and remembering,
She slowly gets to the soldiers area,
She prays at each as before,
And puts the flower down,
But here she also puts a letter.
She drives across town to a cemetery,
Repeating the process,
She finishes and goes home,
Raises one more prayer,
And waits for next week,
Where rain or shine,
She will go and seek,
Memories of those who,
Slip away from memory.

Author's Note

Ignore grammer and just give it to me straight. But tell me what I can do to improve.

Reviews

[BrightEyes]

this left me wondering what experiences in this girl's life had led her here....what prompted her to this diligence each week ....not a bad thing really, prompting such questions from the reader. it left me pondering still....if this vigil ever ends; if she feels some past sin upon her that she is somehow striving to make amends for....again, not a bad thing. nice write - very interesting and thought provoking.

[InkBlack]

It kind of amazes me how an 18-yr-old can have such a big heart and such a strong love for God (the constant mention of the word "prayer" made me get that assumption). Normally 18-yr-olds seem to only care about themselves and hate God with all their hearts.

Is this girl a real person? If she isn't, then you did a really good job of making her seem real. I hoped that her efforts would pay off after I read it.

I guess if there are a ton of grammar mistakes, you should fix them ASAP, but other than that this poem is great and doesn't need to be changed :)

[Enigma]

Improve!! According to what I've just read, you're already great at this... But one should never stop striving for excellence....hehehe
This was great!! Am,azing, superb and plain brilliant. Such emotion, such imagery you've captured up there that peace simply flows out of it. Sentiments towards those who're no longer with us always strike a chord in the heart. And your writing just did that to me...
Very well penned....^_^

[Windy]

Beautiful sentiment. You almost had me crying. I think that is what poetry is supposed to do, make people "feel", I could be wrong, but then that's just my opinion. Loved the lines "Rain or shine, she will go and seek, Memories of those who slip away from memory" that is so loving and frankly very kind of her. I will also say I agree with (AJ) and trust me he is right. You will grow regardless of how hard you try and sometimes the best ones come out of nowhere and are the easiest to write. It's a strange world in here! ;) Keep writing my friend. Smiles

[Arthur Henn]

I'm with the gentleman below me (A.J Smith) you are doing fine you will grow.

Art

[A.J. Smith]

Good stuff here. Of course, you are the artist, so anything you want to do is, by definition, perfectly fine...there are no rules. At one point, I see you slipped into rhyme (lines four through seven) then moved back to free verse. An interesting choice. At some point, I recommend you spend some time studying some of the various popular forms of poetry (which I am doing myself) and challenging yourself to write within the form. I think you'll grow as a poet that way...it will force you to get better. I've seen some very cool forms here in the cafe (e.g., Villanelle, Kyrielle, Sestina, Haiku, Limerick, etc.). I like your finish...very strong.

[Michelle Lea]

Awesome write, to be able to be a memory to be remembered... I feel is an honor in itself.
(-: keep writing (-: