Another Love Story

My story of how love entered my life.

                                                           

Truth is I always loved you. I am the kind of guy that falls in love at hello, because I am very shy and rarely have a bad relation with anyone. Any person that talks to me is; 1 super friendly to me because I am friendly to everyone and secondly learns after a few minutes of conversation that I am a genuinely nice person. It was the same with you and every girl that I have talked to before. I don’t care about race, height, intelligence or personality. At some point I can say I liked half of the girls at school. But, I would never act on it because I wanted to change my ways, I didn’t want the remnants of middle school in which I was an a*****e to follow me to this new school. I wanted to make my parents proud this time.

I had rules for girls, if I ever knew they had boyfriends I would never even try to get near to them in that way. I would stand back and let that little high school crush go by. That’s what it’s called a “crush,” not love. Desiring a person based on appearance later personality and then deciding if they are even worthwhile as friends. As, a result I kept very few girls close, I would talk to them, but not everyone got my phone number or even got a hello as I walked by.

But you much like before I had that instant crush on you, however it didn’t go away.

You changed the rule about boyfriends, I didn’t care that you had a boyfriend I wanted you.

From our school very few guys and girls are really worthwhile for those that wanted to go to college. Most go to community college or if not join the workforce. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I want a girl with grit, and determination to be the best. I had a great choice in a girl like that early on in my first year of high-school. Amazingly nice, smart and caring girl who came to me rather me having to go after her. However, I never saw her like that, sure she became a close friend, but she never came off to me as more.

I am sorry and I know I might’ve sent her the wrong messages, I wasted four years of her life in which she could’ve done more, but I didn’t want to lie to myself and to her making us believe that something is there when it really isn’t.

This type of self-awareness is probably my downfall if I am at all honest. I am too observant and don’t want to take stupid risks. I don’t believe this is the right way to go through too life. Do I wish I would have taken that risk specifically? No, because it would interfere with the great thing I have right now. However, I need to understand that I cannot let my past dictate how I live my life because risks are good up to a point.

But I digress, back to the girl who changed my life. As I said before she changed the way I acted, I wanted to get to know her. Before she sat next to me in my history class I would sit next to different people who were kind of interesting, but never like her. It kind of became a guess every day if she was going to sit there again the next day. I got along with her friend before but I never even noticed or bothered talking to her at all because she never appeared in any of my classes or she never spoke up. Now to my defense I did not know she had a boyfriend until she brought it up in a conversation. At that point I gave up, but still wanted a friend out of her because she fit my criteria for a friend. I did not care if she still kept talking to me, but I was happy when she would. Over the year we would be paired up as partners for the class and would have excuses to text each other at night. This kept going on for the rest of the year getting closer and closer without knowing. I had the feeling her boyfriend wasn’t okay with it because he used to talk to me and he became very distant. However, he should’ve known the important quote, “keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

I am not an a*****e and I respect a relationship, I did in-fact I try to stay away a little during school because I didn’t want to get in the way.

The year ended and many of the new people I met during that year faded away. Except!... you guessed it this girl. Call it fate. Call it circumstance, but we were brought together that summer.

We were both part of a program that took us to a summer camp ridding ourselves of the outside world for a little over a weekend. I had a best friend in that program who was unable to go and that was the best thing that could’ve happened because I was forced to talk to the next person I knew most, her. It was fun to spend the weekend talking to her, trying to always be by her side because I was too scared to talk to anybody else. I got to know her beyond the classroom, forced to make actual conversation rather than talking about what homework we had the next day. I truly feel that because of this next year we got even closer. At this point a flame got ignited in me, towards her. Those two days I lived with her she showed me she was interesting beyond her intelligence and my arbitrary criteria I had made about who I can get close to. I had one problem however, her boyfriend.

I didn’t care about him, but I did if that makes any sense. Okay, I didn’t care that he was her boyfriend I wanted to get closer to her than ever before, but I did care that he was the one lucky enough to hear “I love you” from her every day. For example, one time my friends and I went to go eat nearby the school and came back later and I saw something I’d rather not have seen. I saw them kissing behind the school from afar. I turned away and kept walking with my friends laughing at their dumb jokes. In the moment it hurt because I stupidly felt betrayed, but I knew she wasn’t mine. After that moment I once again gave up on trying to have anything else with her. In my eyes he clearly made her happy and ultimately I did not want to mess with that.

We were still friends and I obviously never mentioned it. I gave up to the point that one time when they essentially broke up I pretty much convinced her to take him back saying she should “understand him.” I wasn’t really lying I meant it because they seemed happy and one mess up shouldn’t ruin that, and she did.

Soon enough though they ended up breaking up, I was there to comfort her but she didn’t seem to need much as she said she broke up with him and she seemed the same in the way she talked and texted. I wasn’t happy nor sad they broke up, I kind of didn’t care, I was fine being the friend. I felt like I had other things on my mind with college and just finishing school. I was there for her and we got to talk even more now. Sleeping at 12, “studying together” even though we usually had the highest scores and using more intimate words like baby and “I love you bestie” still she and I were besties.

The next struggle we had now that her boyfriend was out of the picture, at least physically, was the girl that liked me that I mentioned before. She was the best friend to that girl! Apparently she was being used in order to help the other girl get closer to me. You can see our dilemma here, whatever happened to me I was going to lose someone. A long-time friend or the girl that I have come to know as best friend and actually fell in love with.

I hope one day she writes her part of this story because I can only imagine her dilemma now that I know that at the time she liked me too.

I believe she had the same problem I had with her boyfriend, in that we believe that that person made each other happy and we wouldn’t want to get in the way.

However, things have a knack for working out in the end. A little over a month before school ended I finally decided to take the risk and with the racing of my heart and knowing that I was putting my heart out there to potentially make things awkward with my best friend I told her I liked her. We were both scared, but she admitted she did as well. We didn’t know how things were going to work because it was so late, but we took the risk. During that last part of the year we had a lot of special moments together. Like Prom, Grad Night, Graduation Speech, night at the beach, day at the movies, kiss on top of the Ferris wheel, our first time, moments that are seared into my memory that I will never forget.

Nowadays I am 2500 miles away from her, but still do everything in order to keep her close to me. We are making it work, hopefully after all that struggle and work we stay together. I hope for the best because this was the best risk I took if it pays off.