Left-behind

My current college experience...

Today marks the 3rd of my college experience. However within the past hour I was left completely alone.

I have never been alone, in fact I have been surrounded by people my whole life. Therefore I am not used to not being able to hug my parents or for that matter anyone. I have made a few friends but it is way too early to even compare them to my old high school friends. I am not really sure about anything at this moment.

Today is the the day I was left alone. Yes the airport part was a hard moment for me because I left my mom and my girlfriend, the two people I have been the closest to in my entire life. I walked away trying to maintain myself from looking back because I know I would run back to the car and cry into the arms of my girls. However, I did not shed a tear that day, don’t get me wrong I was incredibly sad but for some reason I was strong enough to keep myself from crying. Today though, my dad left back home and I am alone. He traveled with me in order to leave me on campus and see where I would be living for the next 4 years.

While he was here I noticed he wouldn’t go out much when I wasn’t with him. The first day of orientation I spent only the morning with him and was gone pretty much the whole day due to events. When I came back I saw him sleeping knowing that he hadn’t gone out much if at all. The next day I felt like I had to spend more time with him. I skipped the next few days events in order to spend more time with him and to not let go of my life I left behind at home. We ate in a thai place where he ordered something I could tell was too spicy for him. He still forced himself to eat it and it amused me. We walked around campus and he helped me set up my room. I never really had much bonding time with my father because of how much he worked, but in two days and the farewell I came to appreciate even more what he has done for me.

I tried so hard to contain every emotion in my body when he dropped me off in front of my dorm, because I knew he was going to have a long trip back and didn’t want him to have any distractions in his mind. With a weeping voice and the inability to look  into his eyes I gave him a hug and said “goodbye”. With that goodbye I lost the last remnant of my old life. It was at this moment I walked into the room with the straightest fest pretending I didn’t want to go back and tell him to stay, just like in the airport. I walked into my dorm and luckily my roommate wasn’t there I let it all out, every emotion I’ve had for the past week. For about an hour I cried, thinking about everything that had warranted crying over the years that I just swallowed up. Because for the first time in all my life I was completely alone.

Author's Note

Needed to get this off of my mind