Nervous

I said you make me nervous

You said that is not good

Let me try to find the right words

You are the reason I wondered what to wear this morning. The reason I looked in the mirror a flutter of heart hoping today you would notice.

I sit at my desk and try to concentrate on my work feeling uneasy. Every time the door opens, I hope it is you. I look up to just another classmate. I smile say hello and try not to show my disappointment.

Anxious

Nervous

Finally there you are. You have to know. My affection for you plastered on my face like the way too big easy smile. Do I seem too eager to see you? Can you tell that I am on the edge of my seat? Do you notice the color of shirt I pick or the gloss on my lips? Do you notice my lips?

So nervous

I notice your lips. I wonder what it would feel like to kiss your lips. Would you be tender or hungry as I am? Would you run your fingers through my hair or caress my neck? Would you tenderly kiss my forehead?

You are talking saying hello but I am far off. Can you tell? Was I staring at your lips, your shoulders your arms that I want wrapped around me?

Thankfully, class starts and I can focus on the lecture, but you are there in my peripheral.

On edge

Did I catch you staring at me? Did you notice me staring? Can you tell that I am having a hard time focusing on the proper distance of studs or methods of egress? I tell myself to focus.

Then the lecture ends and my nerves wake up again. I sit at my desk working on the assignment. Will you find a reason to talk to me? Maybe I should ask for help. I do need help, but I am too shy to ask. Then you are there right beside my desk looking down at my work. You have one hand on my desk and one on my chair.

So tense

I stare at your hand. What would it feel like to have your hand on the small of my back? Would you pull me close and never let me go?

You lean in closer to look over my shoulder at my drawings. You are so talented. I respect you. You are smart and funny and confident and I want to drink it all in. Will you compliment my work? Do you approve?

I am so panicky because I have no idea what you are saying. All I can think about is how close you are to me right now. You face right there by mine. So close that when I dare to steal a glance at your face I freeze.

Speechless

Frozen

Quiet

My quiet is broken with a realization that if you just turn your head to face me I could kiss you. You are that close. I smile nervously at what you are saying not really hearing anything and feeling bad that my attention should have been on what you were saying.

You return to your seat and I am mad at myself for being so clumsy. I should have found something witty to say. I should have asked you how your day was. I should ask what you were doing after class. Then you would say nothing and ask me to join you for coffee. I would say yes. Then what? I would sit spellbound across a small table in a too quiet coffee shop with your full attention on me. I would not know what to say. I would come off sheepish and boring and you probably have a million better ways to spend your afternoon than sitting there in awkward silence just to let me drink in your presence.

I sigh and throw my attention at my assignment. Focus on perfection the perfect line weight, the smallest detail, no smudges. Nerves try to creep in. Did you notice my change of mood? Details in the drawing help me drown out the worries. Another class is over and another sheet is complete.

You pack up your desk and say goodbye. I take my time. I want to walk to my car alone. I need to clear my head. Are you lingering? Are you casually trying to wait for me?

I watch you leave out the door out of sight still in my mind. I shake my head as if it were that easy to purge your effect on me.

I should run after you. I should tell you.

Too nervous

What would I say? I like you like an elementary kid would say to her first schoolyard crush. I like you, not just like you, I like you like you. I mean I really like you and you reduce me to this. I cannot find the right words.

You quiet me.

I realize finally that that is what it is. You make me nervous because you quiet me. You quiet the constant stream of noise in my head that I have lived with all my life. The “what ifs” and “do not even try” and “you will fail,” all the witty little one-liners thrown up to protect me from rejection. You quiet it all. The swirl of noise the static that I am accustom to ringing in my ears. The symphony stuck in my head that I have ignored, the forgotten dreams, the new ones springing to life. You quiet it all.  

It scares me.

Leaves me thunderstruck

I rush to pack up my desk. I am going to chase after you. I am going to tell you. I am out the door in a sudden flurry determination.

Then reality hits. I look at the time. I have to work. Then pick up my daughter. There is homework and a million other responsibilities in the way. So instead, I daydream about you on the way to work.

I would catch you by your car. I would tell you that I could not keep my eyes off you. You would walk me to my car and wait for me to put my bags down. Then you would grab my arm, pull me into you, and hold me close. You would kiss me. Your body against mine, you would kiss me.

The first kiss that first shiver the first feel of your skin against mine

Your lips on my lips on my cheek on my neck on my collarbone

The first touch

You hand on the small of my back pulling me close

Wishing we were closer.

The first time our eyes lock

Breathless

Hearts racing

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

"Your lips on my lips on my cheek on my neck on my collarbone

The first touch

You hand on the small of my back pulling me close

Wishing we were closer.

The first time our eyes lock

Breathless

Hearts racing"

A very nice poem. Thank you for penning...:)...................