Chapter three: Payton

Paytons point of view :P REVIEW!

Payton

I ran out of Carl Deans Dinner and screamed her name. I searched franticly in the New York crowd.

                “She can’t be gone, this can’t be happening” I said to myself, trying desperately to wake up from this nightmare. That guy who had taken her, he was strong and young about the same age as Charlie.

                “I have to tell someone.” I said and ran towards the pay phone on the corner, I dialed the police, who kept asking stupid questions, then I called her aunt, Aunt Monique was strong and independent, but still sweet and kind like Charlie. She seemed worried but she didn’t cry she wasn’t the type to break down until all hope was lost. The police cleared the Dinner and once again asked the same stupid questions.

                “Did Charlie have any enemies, anyone who would want to harm her?” she said, looking at her note pad.

                “I already told you! No…Anyone who knows Charlie loves her.” I said exasperated.

                “Okay, can you please describe the man you saw pointing the gun at her?” the officer said in mono tone.

“He was tall, about 6’2”, short sandy brown hair, blue yes, really white teeth, he had a scare on the left side of his forehead and he was wearing all black.” I said stumbling over some words

                “Okay, we will have a sketch artist draw his picture.” She said walking away.

I couldn’t move anymore, my knees gave out and I ended up sitting on the side walk with my head in my hands

"Where are you Charlie” I whispered.

 

Reviews

[KAREN]

Please keep me posted! iv'e got to know what happens next!

[Dreamer<3]

Interestinggg! Excitiinggg!

[Short.Nerd]

I agree it is a bit rushed, but I like the story so fare. Can't wait to read more

[E.H. Monroe]

Oh no Julienorell.
This seems rushed. Not the scene, the scene is supposed to be rushed and I understand the symbolism behind the short stroke brush. BUT the cop conversation and Leyton's anger I wanna hear it. Don't cut it. make it longer. People will read it.