Drifting....

~ the perfect winter afternoon on a Southern California beach...80 degrees and drifting.... ~

         

            art ~ Janet Hill

 

 

Once upon a balmy breeze

 I drift…

           poetry flowing from my heart

 

As graceful

as the rhythm of simple rhymes

swimming in an ocean of sapphire kissed daydreams

with seagulls singing backup

in perfect harmony

 

As warm

as the fantasy

built around a sandcastle of romance

now fragile in this balmy breeze

 

Yet still as hopeful

as the flower tucked behind my ear,

reminiscent of spring,

listening carefully for whispers of happily ever after

 

As once upon a balmy breeze…

                                    I drift

 

Reviews

[dan]

Julie, Now I REALLY feel cold. Brrrr.....! It's always heartening to read your consistently beautiful poetry. I remember the southern California climate, the lazy breeze blowing the palms on trees until they sway joyfully. A glass of iced tea in my hand (with an umbrella in it) (the tea, that is...not my hand). I wish you would release your poetry on CD so I can listen in my car while stuck in traffic...these kind of poems could melt the aggravation away with ease. Thank you, Julie. (It was either this or swear at you for rubbing my nose in it). take care...dan

[MsJewel]

I'll send you some California sunshine my sweet friend. Hugs, Julie

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear MsJewel

I was directed to your writing by another I need not mention given the merit of your writing.

And having read I can see why.

I have a reputation for reviewing long and in some detail what I read on this site.

It is just my habit in the same way as it is for others to review in their own way.

I like to be who I am and do what I want to do. I am as individual as us all.

I review analytically often but not always (I keep changing styles) and then above all I give you my emotional reactions, which is the key to unlock the door to the whole piece.

Go:

1) Form: So what do you offer us here? Five stanzas of different length. No obvious structure. Do I demand one? No!

2) Rhyme: None. Do I demand one? No!

3) Rhythm: There is nothing fixed. But there is certainly a lulling melody.

4) Type of poetry: I could say free verse or poetic prose. Maybe it is either. But no you take us deeper into other styles.

There is something I would term 'concrete' about this piece. That is the shape of the words on the page emphasise its meaning.

You indent at times to isolate a word or a phrase to emphasise the emotion it carries.

More than that you also italicise at two points. It is hard to see in the script you use. But it seems to happen with two lines: 'now fragile in this balmy breeze' and 'I drift'. It is as if you want those two lines to form one sentence.

And if you care to add up all the indented lines, you get as one sentence 'poetry flowing from my heart, in perfect harmony, as the fantasy, reminiscent of the spring, I drift'

Thing is, you may or may not intend any of this at all. But sorry, a writer has to offer the reader, each of them, the right to observe and interpret as they will, whatever the writer intends even if she or he doesn't.

The delight I find in some of my writing is that I get as many interpretations as my readers. Now that's fun! Why? Because I have stimulated emotion and thought.

5) Metaphor / Simile: You use this liberally here which adds depth to the piece:

'swimming in an ocean of sapphire kissed daydreams
with seagulls singing backup
in perfect harmony'

and

'As warm
as the fantasy
built around a sandcastle of romance'

6) Use of English: There is nothing complex about it. You use simple words. You do not try the more esoteric or complex. It suits the nature of the piece.

7) Meaning: There is none in my view. This is emotion in words. This is pure feeling. It is a summer's afternoon dream 'fragile in this balmy breeze'

8) So to emotion: You will have as many emotions as there are readers.

But mine?

You lull me.

You make me relax.

You turn my day into a softer and better day.

You change my harsh view of a nascent British spring into 'the perfect winter afternoon on a Southern California beach...80 degrees and drifting.... '

9) Favourite lines:

'As graceful
as the rhythm of simple rhymes
swimming in an ocean of sapphire kissed daydreams'

and

'Yet still as hopeful
as the flower tucked behind my ear,
reminiscent of spring,'

10) Conclusion. I often try to conclude on what I review but I find I never really can. It slips from my grasp. But if that is the case it is a positive. You meander us through your drifting. And all I would like is to share that day.

Please take from this what you will.

If it encourages you, I would be happy as this is a marvellously written piece of poetry.

Ends.

With my kindest regards

James

[Einstein Noodle]

ohh you braggart you! 80 degrees and drifting indeed ... grrrrrr and brrrrrrrrrrr here on the plains ;)

but your poem draws me in to share your balmy breeze .. when one adds seagulls and surf .. salt air .. mmmmmmmmmm .. so fine .. so very fine! we had a chance of snow a couple days ago .. but i don't care .. i'l;l just close my eyes and drift and dream ;)
E.

[Steve L.]

"swimming in an ocean of sapphire kissed daydreams"...wow...

[MsJewel]

thank you for stopping by to read my poetry. I appreciate it! :) Julie

[....................]

I love your fairytale approach to the opening and closing of this poem as you drift, graceful, warm and hopeful throughout. Each of your lines fit perfectly snug within the cozy confines of each stanza, as harmonious as the similies, personification and alliteration which lift this piece. Oh, that this chilled body in winter's grip could only free itself to basque in the balmy breeze bathing this beach. Great write!!

FT

[MsJewel]

Thank you FT, I'm thrilled you enjoyed it. Unfortunately our warm winter weather has passed and it is raining today..so much for drifting on the shore...:) Julie

[....................]

:) You are welcome and look at the bright side, the rain will eventually stop.

FT

[EdmundLinton]

Ms jewel, you delivered a voice of both sophistication and honesty - in a lovely calming rhythm. Thank you!

[MsJewel]

Thank you for your kind words :) julie

[AprilRN1210]

you have such an effortless way of enchanting the reader with graceful elegance.. Captivating imagery mixed with honest emotion in your beautiful "voice" makes your poetry such a pleasure to read.. This one highlights the vulnerability of a "fragile" heart carried on the wings of hope- drifting for that ever after.. It tickled the heartstrings with such a gentle caress that felt so lovely.. You always make me feel all warm and mushy (that is not an easy feat at all).. I loved this one.. second stanza is my favorite:)

[MsJewel]

Thank you for your sweet comment April. Our unusually warm winter weather unfortunately hasn't lasted...but spring is around the corner. Hugs, Julie

[Dara]

I have recently returned from a trip to California and your beautiful words are transporting me back to that wonderful time and place. Your poetry warms my heart as I huddle under a blanket to keep the the chill away. "As once upon a balmy breeze..... I drft"

[MsJewel]

I hope you enjoyed your visit! Stay warm my friend. Hugs, Julie

[MomzillaNC]

Lovely. My favorite line, "swimming in an ocean of sapphire kissed daydreams" The poem gives the imagination an escape from the frigid cold outside my window…

[MsJewel]

I'm thrilled you enjoyed it. Thank you :) Julie

[MomzillaNC]

yw :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Good title brought me to the poem. Beautiful artwork and thoughts.Held my attention.
"As graceful
as the rhythm of simple rhymes
swimming in an ocean of sapphire kissed daydreams
with seagulls singing backup
in perfect harmony"
Above lines create good places and vision. Thank you dear Poet for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[MsJewel]

Thank you for your kind comment :) Julie

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Julie.

[Trace]

I can picture you laying on your beach with your sea birds singing to you
( and I bet they know you and always drop by to say hi)
With the gentle wind softly caressing your golden locks
With the beautiful words of a poem drifting from your heart unto the page.

What a wonderful site.

HUGGS. ..Trace

[MsJewel]

Your comment is poetry my sweet beast. Hugs, Julie