Dream Thief

~ a rhyming serpentine verse ~

 

 

Pale as ivory, when the moonlight’s pale
dreams of true love fill a lover’s dreams
Veiled eyes for one whose heart remains veiled
Seems his love was just not what it seems

Heart beats slowly, for deep in my heart
time stands so still in a dream like time
Part of my heart, he’s stolen in part
Crime of passion, a terrible crime

 

Sweet memories of his love so sweet
stales in daylight as the fantasy stales
Repeat at night as love’s warm repeat
Tales of romance, these bittersweet tales

Bad can feel so good, until it turns bad

Crazy for him, he tells me I’m crazy

Sad as it is, it’s true though I’m sad

Daisies smile for he’s pushing up daisies

 

Crime of passion, a terrible crime

Dreams can’t let go, he still sneaks into dreams

Time cannot heal a love out of time

Seems his love was just not what it seems…

 

Author's Note

~ a rhyming serpentine verse I've been working on and revised based on the tongue in cheek humor of Paul Robert's fantastic art ~ "Fickle Heart"

Reviews

[s y e]

Julie, I have missed reading you so much... Reading your poetry brings so much peace to me, no matter the topic, I know that in someways I'll be able to relate, and your poetry would have helped.

You always write amazingly well, no matter the subject - absolutely adore this!!

Hugs.

[MsJewel]

Thank you lovely lady. It's so nice to see you! Hugs, Julie

[A Ghost of Myself]

Hey, Julie, I hope you don't mind I selected an older text. I often browse until a title catches my eye. I know a bit hypocritical for a writer to pick a piece off title, but if I'm ever judged, I'll plead guilty. I admit, I haven't seen this format before. I had to do a little research before reading. A crime of passion, turned into a haunting, dreams of once was, never again, revenge is bittersweet. I enjoyed reading this, the one line I question is 'Moonlight's Pale,' I get you used it to meet format, though it would make more sense as 'Moonlight pales' because in the verse you're saying the moonlight hold possession rather acting out an action. Mind you, this is a simple observation, and only need change if you deem it necessary. Overall, it was well written, expressive, and painted a vivid scene. I hope you don't mind If I revisit from time to time.

[MsJewel]

Thank you so much for reading and offering a suggestion. I enjoy form poetry, although this one really had me a bit stumped. I appreciate your suggestion. This one is still a work in progress. :) Julie

[dan]

MsJewel, Dreams are such an integral part of our lives though they don't really get credited as such. I like how you used the beginning word of each sentence again at the end (is this what you mean by 'serpentine verse'?) it enhances the flow of the poem nicely. (Question: The graphic you used looks like an album cover of a band long ago called 'Sniff 'n' The Tears.') I always loved that album, containing a hit, "Driver's Seat". The artwork is fascinating! I am going to send you a friend request; I'd be honored if you would accept. take care...riki

[MsJewel]

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment on my poem. A serpentine verse is a poem that each line starts and ends with the same word - which is basically the only rule of this form. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it. I've never heard of the band Sniff n' The Tears, but I do know the artist that did this painting (it is actually a painting) is Paul Robert. He has some fantastic art posted on his website. I look forward to reading your poetry Riki. :) Julie

[dan]

Julie, Just to let you know, my real name is Dan, I just post as riki (riki is actually the name of our pet ferret). Sniff 'N' the Tears were briefly popular back in the mid-70's, probably way before your time. Now MY project is to Google Paul Robert to view more of HIS art, having now enjoyed yours. Thank you for commenting back! take care...dan

[Valentine]

Yes, those dreams come as reminders of what you went through at his expense. I might have wanted to flatten a beau, but not put him in a field of daisies. Valentine

[MsJewel]

A field of daisies might be a little extreme :) Julie

[Vanesa Markovic]

A beautiful, heartfelt piece.
"Time cannot heal a love out of time"
This absolutely touched my heart,
thank you.
-VM

[MsJewel]

Thank you Vanesa :) Julie

[Voiceless]

This was lovely. I like how it seems as if one was along for the whole ride.

Time cannot heal a love out of time

Words I can definitely relate to. Especially like the imagery that coincides with this.

[MsJewel]

thank you for your kind comment :) Julie

[Coyote Poetry]

Very nice artwork and tale.
"Crime of passion, a terrible crime
Dreams can’t let go, he still sneaks into dreams
Time cannot heal a love out of time
Seems his love was just not what it seems…"
I liked the above lines. Left the reader with something to think about. Thank you dear Julie for your amazing poetry.
Coyote

[MsJewel]

Thank you my sweet friend for supporting my scribbles. I appreciate you and your friendship :) Julie

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome dear Julie. I love your words.

[Sophy Freebirds]

You write so calmly..... But my breathing comes out as a gasp when i read it to the last.I have a thing for dreams you know and i really was infatuated with the title of the poem. ..There are no words to describe this amazing work..Happy new year Julie :)... Hope you wake up with a lovely dream. God bless you

~Sophy

[MsJewel]

Thank you sweet Sophy. Happy New Year :) Julie

[Olumegbon]

Heart beats slowly, for deep in my heart
time stands so still in a dream like time

Really enjoyed this, nice one.

[MsJewel]

Thank you for your kind words :) Julie