Unhinged

~ don't throw spears ~

            Cold Like the Stars ~ Carrie Graber

 

 

Hurtful words aimed carefully...

           swords

                                                          piercing

                                                                        my

                                                                               heart

                                                            Once thrown

they can never be taken back…

                                                               not really

 

Retaliation rolls off my tongue

with the precision of a sharp shooter

Finding the spot

                                                                         that quickly leaves

                                                                                                          complete silence

 

except for the slam of the door on his way out

 

Perhaps I should remove the hinges…

 

Reviews

[dan]

Julie, The style of writing in this piece is a perfect match for the content, which is simply excellent. I know now that I need to read you more often; there are so many words, passages that hit home while I read...left me wishing the write was longer. And your closing line ties the whole piece up in a glossy bow: "Perhaps I should remove the hinges..." Perfect ending, ta da! I'm becoming a fan of yours, I hope you don't mind 8^) take care...dan (My real name; I use a pen name on the other site I post stuff, I regret that I didn't use my name when I registered. riki is actually the name of our ferret.) Thanks for sharing this with us. dan

[MsJewel]

Thank you for your kind words Dan. The feeling is mutual. I'm becoming a fan of yours as well. I'm glad you enjoyed this piece - a bit of a stretch from my usual rosy romantic pen. :) Julie

[dan]

Julie, I'm not suggesting that you stray from your romantic writes, just that stretching out in the darker direction can often yield results that are outstanding, like "Unhinged." take care...dan

[Lenah Mehzabin]

A sweet poetry which completely expresses the '' hurt'' expression after a fight .. very nyc julie ,u never fail to impress us :-)

[MsJewel]

Thank you for your kind words :) Julie

[Matching Socks]

These are difficult moments. Walking away is sometimes best I think because things can escalate quickly, become even more hurtful. Such emotion in this one Julie. I love your romantic poetry but despite the sadness in this one it is so beautifully written and tugs at my heart. xo

[MsJewel]

Thank you lovely lady :) Julie

[Moonie]

It's sad when we aim to wound, when our words are like tightly strung bows, and our arrows are made of fire. But our human instinct makes us retaliate, reciprocate the hurt. My favourite lines would be
"complete silence
except for the slam of the door on his way out
Perhaps I should remove the hinges…"

[MsJewel]

Thank you for your insightful words :) Julie

[anant mody]

niceeee oneee

nic use of wordssss keep up d good workk:-)

[MsJewel]

Thank you :) Julie

[Woody]

true! you can not undo the hurt done by words, not even with retalion.
sometimes it's better to start anew. and yes remove the hinges or better still, make it a revolving door. let's see him try to slam that :)
Good one Julie.

[MsJewel]

Good idea - a revolving door! Thanks so much Woody :) Julie

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the poem. Real life feel and direct. I like the clam anger and disappointment in the words. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry my dear Poet friend.
Coyote.

[MsJewel]

Thank you my sweet friend :) Julie

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Julie

[Einstein Noodle]

we sure do know how to fight and hurt don't we!? your poem is about those well practiced and you did a fine job!!! short, very dramatic, my imagination adds all kinds of things that did not need to be mentioned .. the drink one too many over what should have remained a renewing experience, the casual neglect (real and/or perceived .. the concerted effort to keep voices down until later at home .. last line is unique ... you didn't change the locks, nor install a revolving door .. simply gave thought to taking off the hinges .. i find that so sadly amusing .. i see the hinge less door hanging by a thread in the doorway .. one must climb over it precariously either entering or leaving ..
E.

[MsJewel]

It's the slamming of the door that echoes on and on and on....Perhaps hanging by a thread would be a good title for this poem....Thanks so much! :) Julie

[GiuseppesHeart]

Use your words,(we say) and you are a Master at this...I can feel your heart scratched with indelible marks. You're always my favorite Julie,"save a dance for me...
100/100

[MsJewel]

Thank you for the wonderful comment and compliment. I appreciate it very much :) Julie

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

That's another kind of poem I'm used to read from you. But yes, love and hate are two sides of a coin...But you succeed in a few lines to get this feeling passed to the reader. I like particularly the sentence: Retaliation rolls of my tongue with the precision of a sharp shooter, great metaphor. Glad you shared this, Julie...and again a beautiful fitting picture. :) Rudi

[MsJewel]

Thanks so much Rudi! :) Julie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

so true isn't it, Julie?

we can try to take back hurtful words all we want to...but it doesn't matter, we can never really take them back...because they won't be forgotten once said.

better that door slams and he keeps walking.

[MsJewel]

Yes it's true...don't let the door hit you and all that jazz...
thank you for your kind words Jacob :) Julie