Lilacs and asphodels (Eros and Thanatos)

Your heart was overgrown with asphodels, constantly in bloom. 
And your eyes were full of lilacs, that only blossomed in the sun.
(You whispered to me ‘you are my sunshine, my only sunshine…’)
They wilted arrogantly along with your nerve-endings, 
in salted trails of petals down your cheeks.
They wilted ignorantly along with your nerve-endings,
and now we both know why you never cry.
(You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...)

Oh asphodel, have I ever smelled a flower as sweet as you?

Oh my love, have I ever seen a demise as sweet as ours?

I have never

seen

your eyes

so brown.

(You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...)

Author's Note

unfinished, looking for advice..

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good beginning. Now need reason and purpose for the poem. I like the opening description. Can go in many directions. Can create a tale of journey to find something beautiful. Or keep the description of nature and its beauty alive in the poem.
In your present.
You make me come alive.
Your sweet scent make me me dream of wild flowers fields.
(You are sunshine, my only sunshine.)
.
In your eyes.
I come alive.
I can see forever.
Dream the impossible.
( You are my sunshine, my only sunshine)

Together the world is a beautiful place.
The day is sweeter.
The nights are warmer.
For you are my joy and laughter.
I'm thankful for you.
(You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.)
A outstanding poem. Opening lines and story give you a lot of opportunity for this poem.
Coyote

[Matthew Smith]

I have no idea why, but I really found this a little creepy. Good, by all means, but still a little creepy.

By the way it seems to be written, you could still carry these comparisons and lines a little further. As for advice, I'd just say it'd be a sound idea to expand on these little symbolic details you've used and stay far away from rhymes. A poem like this doesn't need them, but I'm sure that's how you were aiming, anyway.